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I ♥ My Marriage T-Shirt – and that’s not even the news! March 18, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Look What Google Barfed Up.
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0316093marriage1Nope, we’re not kidding about this one. First, there’s the T-shirt:

The “I ♥ My Marriage” shirt was a promotional item tied to the 2008 movie “Fireproof,” a Christian-themed film starring Kirk Cameron. The movie, a hit in evangelical circles, centers on a fireman’s religious awakening and his simultaneous effort to save a failing marriage.

And then there’s the “news”:

MARCH 16–A Florida man wearing an “I ♥ My Marriage” t-shirt was arrested last night for allegedly choking his wife during an argument in their Tampa-area home. Bradley Gellert, a 32-year-old financial consultant, was busted by Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office deputies and booked into jail on a felony domestic battery by strangulation charge. According to a police report, Gellert, pictured in the below mug shot, got into an argument with his wife and “screamed at the victim and threw numerous items.” He then allegedly “grabbed the victim’s neck and strangled her,” which “prevented the victim from breathing normally.” Gellert’s wife subsequently fled the couple’s Apollo Beach home and went to a nearby sheriff’s office to report the incident. Investigators noted that the woman had been “taken to the ground by the arrestee and suffered an abrasion to her knee and red marks on her neck.”

OMG, I am double- no, triple-stunned: The movie, the T-shirt, and then this terrible irony…

Dearest Readers, what have you to say?

(All info from Smoking Gun – be sure to also check out other mug shots)

– L

Comments»

1. Singlutionary - March 18, 2009

I was offline for a day or two, afraid to hang out with my favorite online Singlutionaries/Onelys because of my own non Singlutionary/Onely thinking. I get back to bloglandia and this is the first thing I read!

Bless the lord!

At the expense of this poor stupid man and his victimized wife, I am throughly entertained. Now I don’t feel as bad for writing a blog about loving single life and occasionally feeling like a total looser for being single! At least I’m not as awful of a hypocrite as this individual.

I love being the superior hypocrite!

onely - March 19, 2009

Oh, we all think outside the Singlution every now and then. The important thing is that we recognize non-Onely thinking, and acknowledge it, and even dabble in it now and then, but don’t let it take over our essential selves. = ) –CC

Singlutionary - March 20, 2009

Thanks CC!

2. Lauri - March 19, 2009

Thank god I’m single.

I think this when I watch Jon & Kate Plus Eight, I think this when I see my parents arguing over stupid stuff, I think this when my married friends won’t go out on a Saturday night…

and I am really thinking it now after reading this!

3. onely - March 19, 2009

Singlutionary and Lauri —

You guys are soooo awesome. Cheers to us and our single statuses!!! (Though I will say, for the record, that Onely in no way means to imply that we think that being married means that domestic violence will occur! Just for the record, we do think it’s terrible that this happened, no matter what T-shirt this guy was wearing)

— L
p.s. I recently chastised my students for watching Jon & Kate Plus Eight. What a terrible show (I may have even called it “heteronormative”) — and TLC tries to promote it as a “family-oriented” show, as though it’s a wonderful thing to have eight children. I think the only way that Jon and Kate can afford having their eight children is by being on that show. The kids are cute, but the situation is not!

Singletude - March 20, 2009

Eww, eww, eww–Jon & Kate Plus Eight. I used to watch that show because I found multiples fascinating, but after awhile, I couldn’t stomach watching the parents ruin their marriage in front of the cameras. Kate especially is so demeaning to Jon, it’s not surprising he seems to have checked out of the marriage. I predict they will divorce, if not as soon as the show is over, then as soon as the kids are grown.

And I totally agree that they derive all their income from the show. I understand they get $60,000 per episode–$600,000 or more a year! :O In addition, TLC has paid for their house as well as for cosmetic procedures for both parents and numerous vacations and others activities for the kids. I know children are expensive, but I knew a family with six kids who lived down the street from me in a middle-class ranch. Dad was a pastor, mom worked at a convenience store, and not only did they do just fine but ended up moving to a larger house some years later.

I don’t think the Gosselins should be getting rich off pimping their kids out on TV, a process which is becoming stressful for at least one of them (Maddy). The children don’t have a choice to have the minutia of their lives publicly aired, and that’s not fair. In addition, I think the high payout and perks this family has enjoyed is dangerous encouragement to Nadya Suleman types, who push for multiples in hopes of making it big off the kids.

As for that guy in his, er, wife beater tee–I have no words.

Lauri - March 24, 2009

Oh Singletude, I’m so glad you pointed out poor little Maddy. The way the twins seem to be behaving seems to be so telling of how they feel about the whole situation they’re in- Maddy is searching for some control and Cara is dying for attention. And poor Jon as well. I wonder if all the money and free stuff is worth being in that marriage.

Nonetheless, TLC loves to shower people with a million children with all the attention, praise, and compensation they can get! They’ve got at least 3 shows about it now: Jon & Kate, 18 Kids and Counting, and now Table for 12.

4. lori - March 19, 2009

This guy is soo poster-perfect for the “family values” crowd. Oy.

In a departure from topic, I’ve been lately pondering why I’m so put-off by “serial daters”- you know the ones who always have at least one or two (or even three) things going- and/or who seem to derive the majority of their self-esteem from these relationships. (noteworthy that the person in my life who is currently engaged in this year-long dating/sex binge was in an abusive marriage….)

I assumed for awhile my discomfort arose out of possible jealousy -the old “what’s wrong with me” voice that pops up occasionally but I don’t think that’s it; I don’t really believe there is anything wrong with me because I haven’t had a lover or boyfriend in so long, rather I feel better about my life because of my autonomy. Since healthy singles derive validation from such a wide variety of sources, why is it I feel such stifling dread when she shares the latest about the latest? It’s the same creeped-out feeling I get watching Big Love…..

Wondering what, if any, thoughts any of you may have on this and hoping I’m not alone.

onely - March 20, 2009

Lori, I feel better about my life because of my autonomy, too. Some people might say (and have said!) that this is because I’ve had bad relationships, implying that the only reason I’m ok being single is because I don’t know how fabulously wonderful a good relationship can be. Well, I imagine it would be fabulously wonderful to have a yacht made out of chocolate, too, but I’m not going to sit around waiting for one to pull up at the dock with my name emblazoned on the side.

I think we feel dread when hearing about “the latest about the latest” from a serial dater exactly *because*, as you say, it’s awkward to hear someone “derive validation” from something that we do not derive validation from, and which we don’t *think* they should derive validation from (yes, this is judgmental, but there you have it). The thing is, it’s much more accepted for people to derive validation from dating than for (single) people to derive validation from other things that are important to them. So I think this also contributes to that feeling of irritation when listening to serial daters: the knowledge that if you unleash your judgement on them and say, “hey, you’re getting your validation from the wrong sources,” that is judgmental and not acceptable, but if *they* were to say to you that you need to get more dates because your various hobbies and occupations are not enough to make you a complete person, *that* is perfectly fine to say and in fact is said all the time by well-meaning friends, the media, etc. –CC

Lauri - March 25, 2009

Lori- it seems more like you are describing serial monogamy- correct me if I’m wrong. I’ve been known to have periods of dating or hooking up with a string of guys (periods few and far between that is) but I don’t ever have that level of validation stemming from it. I see that coming more from the serial monogamists. You know, the people who are in one relationship for 2 years, break up, and are suddenly in a new SERIOUS relationship 2 weeks later. (Interestingly, most people I’ve known like this are men!). Regardless these people creep me out for a couple reasons 1) because they can’t seem to function at all without being sewn to another human being and 2) when they do eventually get married, you know it is only because they’ve decided that they are at the “right” age/situation rather than because they’ve finally met the right person.

I have a friend who just got engaged, and I just can’t bring myself to be happy about it. This person puts ALL her eggs in the marriage basket and truly believes that her only value is if she’s attached to a guy and that being married will solve all her problems and unhappiness with life. I hope it works that way for her, but knowing it probably won’t makes me sad. Rather than announce her engagement, I would have been so much more happy for her if she made an announcement that she was finally happy with herself as a single person.

As for your sister getting so excited about the latest- I have nothing to say other than that I have no idea how people can get so excited about it. I used to have hard crushes back when I was in college and thought every guy I crushed on was absolutely the most perfect man in the world. But I don’t know if I’ve just become cynical or what, but I just feel like no one is all that cool. I’m not, my friends aren’t, the guys I’m going to meet aren’t…in the end I am totally capable of caring a great deal for someone else, but I don’t think I’m capable of putting them on a pedestal anymore.

Singlutionary - March 20, 2009

I know that I just can’t get excited again after a while. And I’ve been a serial dater (or more of a serial piner/crusher/hooker-upper).

People get so excited: “there is this new person in my life and this is what he looks like and this is the car he drive and this is where he went to college and this is his favorite band.”

But if the new guy in her life changes every month, eventually I just can’t be excited for her anymore. Anyways, that has been my experience. I run out of steam because the level of excitement about the new guy is the same every time but we all know it isn’t going to last. So as a friend I can’t invest in her excitement but at the same time, is ALL she has to talk about. Ick.

I don’t get creeped out by Big Love very often maybe because the women are all staying together in one giant happy dysfunctional family. There is more of an investment there and we see trials and tribulations not just new love junk.

lori - March 20, 2009

Thank you women, I appreciate your comments. This forum is something I look forward to every day.
The person to whom I referred above is my sister and we’re not a happy dysfunctional family right now. Her latest is someone I had an intimate relationship with when I was a serial dater in college… Why the Big Love reference. I’m really trying not to be judgmental but this totally does creep me out. Maybe if I wait long enough there will be a new latest and I can relax.

onely - March 20, 2009

Lori, that is a kinda tricky situation — I would be annoyed too (especially if it were my sis)! As for me, when it comes to serial daters who are happy dating serially, I don’t mind supporting them. But when they complain about all the drama and yet continue to date date date like they can’t stop, now THAT’S annoying.

— L

5. lori - March 20, 2009

L- I think you nailed it with the drama. Thing is, people like this Are the drama. Like Singlutionary said above, after awhile it’s too draining to feel excited or sympathetic for people who are hooked- I guess the dread is saying “here we go again” yet again.
I love being single precisely because I’m off that emotional roller coaster. Sure, it’s safer, but I will bet that in addition to me liking myself more when I’m stable, so do my friends and colleagues. Isn’t it true that as we get older and wiser, it’s harder to be around people who don’t seem to ever learn? Being judgmental is one thing, simply tired is another.

Which brings us back to the guy above whose ironic-drama started this whole thread. Sadly, that woman will likely not leave him yet.

Have a great weekend all.

onely - March 21, 2009

Oh gosh, Lori I completely agree–I find *so* much relief being off that emotional roller coaster (I even get secondhand stress from watching my friends go through it) = )
–Christina

6. Angelina - April 7, 2009

That is my EX cousin by marriage ( not with the woman he grabbed around the neck, but his ex before that ) lol!!!

onely - April 7, 2009

Wow, really?? These wierd stories always seem so remote and electronic sometimes, you forget that they actually could happen to someone-you-know-who-knows-someone. . . Yikes. CC


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