Insignificant others: A steppingstone to kids? April 10, 2009Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Just Saying., Your Responses Requested!.
Tags: biological clock, discrimination against singles, marriage mythology, pairing up to have kids, single and happy, single men want kids, single parent adoption
Copious Readers, what does it mean when otherwise Onely people–who don’t mind being single–are looking for a significant other just because they want to have kids? Is this a good reason to look for a significant other? Currently, our world is set up so that it’s a lot harder to raise children if you don’t have a partner. But it’s wrong that our society is set up like that. So are these people supporting a shoddy system when they first get married before having kids? Should more people consider adopting as singles? Or given the current sub-par state of benefits systems for single parents, is that unfair to the children?
My doctor, a single woman, adopted a little girl who is thriving. According to my research (a five minute Google search, ok? it’s the end of the semester and both Lisa and I are going insane), in 1970, the adoption would never have been approved. Nowadays adoption agencies are not supposed to discriminate against singles. But the reality remains that society and government don’t formally support the kind of extended family and friend networks that help single parents provide for their children. Instead, coupledom is all the rage. So people who would otherwise be perfectly happy staying single, but whose biological clocks are ticking, start dating madly in hopes of finding someone to switch off diaper changing duties with them.
And the plot thickens with single men who want kids–they sometimes look not only for a partner, but a partner young enough to bear their biological children. (In some cases, this equals: yuck.)
Copious Readership, do any of you know someone in the situations I describe? Is it a problem for them? If so, what can be done?