Onely Watershed Moments April 15, 2009Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities, God-Idiot or Asshole?, Heteronormativity, We like. . ..
Tags: accepting singleness, bad year, being single, drywall, dumped twice, single mythology, watershed moment
In Lisa’s blurb on our “About Lisa and Christina” tab, she talks about how she fell in love with her single life on a road trip across the country. I was wondering what other watershed moments our Copious Readers have experienced in their journeys from (maybe) heteronormative self-expectations to acceptance of singlehood as a viable, healthy, and acceptable lifestyle.
I don’t know that I ever had a watershed moment. I think my default setting has always been “mostly fine with singleness”, with momentary spikes into “feeling obligated to date to meet social expectations”. However, I think I had a Watershed Month or two sometime in mid-2008.
In 2007 I was dumped. Twice. By the same guy. (I know, fool me once, shame on. . .) He was my best friend, funny, smart, interesting, and so forth. The breakups were fraught with drama, emotionally exhausting, and oh, how I hated the year 2007. It was the worst year ever. Terrible! Horrors! How would I survive without his support and phone calls? What good was anything? Oh the sadness, the loneliness. No one understood. Awfulness. Tears. Screams. Fetal positions in the bathtub.
Then in 2008, several things happened: I got sick on my flight home to Michigan and, terrified, ended up in the emergency room. My friend R, the best-hearted of all my friends ever, was in a snowmobile accident. My friend J was shot in the face in Iraq. Jon lost sight in his eye, and Roy lost his life. All I lost was my naivete.
2007 the worst year ever? Curled up in the tub because of a dumb boyfriend? Come on, Christina.
I barely thought about my ex-boyfriend in the subsequent months as I dealt with this new onslaught of grief and ill health. I won’t go into the details–I’ll just say I had to repair some drywall after I kicked a hole in it. But as time passed the dust settled (and I painted over the new drywall). I quit curling up, kicking things, and wanting to hurl stuff into the sky in hopes of hitting God in the face. But I still retain one thing from that period: the sting of Perspective slapping me in the face.
Because we put romantic couplehood on a pedestal as a panacaea for all that ails us, we think we are justified in creating great emotional drama when our personal pedestal tips over. Especially in rich, privileged societies like the one this blog comes from, we forget that a breakup is not really a problem in the grand spectrum of troubles besetting mankind. Yes, they are hard and messy and become more so if kids are involved. But come on. Let’s all get out of our bathtubs.
What are your Onely watershed moments?