The Sex Post! May 25, 2009Posted by Onely in Dating, Food for Thought, Just Saying., Secret Lives of the Happily Single, sex, single and happy, Your Responses Requested!.
Tags: casual relationships, having my cake and eating it too, sex, sex and being single, tact and single sex, unattached sex
So, dear readers, as the title of this post suggests, I am going to write about being single, having sex, and remaining unattached. Some (like Australian blogger Brian at Fitzroyalty, who mentioned us in this provoking post a couple of months ago) might say that this post is long overdue, but I was waiting for inspiration, and I finally got it — in the form of a surprising hookup this last weekend with a guy I have known, through friends, for some time and who is recently single.
You see, I have not had sex for almost a year — not because I didn’t want to, but because I have been a) really busy with school, and b) unable to meet guys who were not only attractive, interesting to be around, and funny, but who also seemed like they would not assume that having sex meant we were dating seriously (yes, I realize how strange that sentence sounds — but trust me, guys over age 25 in my part of the world — especially academia — are surprisingly conservative in this regard).
So this last weekend’s adventure was a pleasant surprise, and although I like him, I am not interested in dating him (we were out with mutual friends, not on a date, this weekend). I am only interested in having a fun/casual relationship, and I am hoping that’s all he’s interested in too. Honestly, though, I have no idea how to find out, because, like a gentleman, my new friend has already been in touch and wants to see me again.In the past, of course, I would be thrilled that this guy is clearly following the “rules” of dating (call within two days, set up a date, etc.) — but instead, I find myself concerned that he might actually be into me.
And isn’t that a horrible response to good behavior!
I think, given the circumstances (he is recently single, we hooked up without going on a single date, etc.), that there is a good chance that this guy merely wants to ensure future sex (because, truthfully, if he acted like an a-hole, there’d be a good chance that I wouldn’t give him another opportunity). But my question — which I’m hoping you, Copious Readers, will help me answer — is this: How do I explain that I intend to remain single but that I want to have a sexual relationship with him — without being completely rude about it?
Or am I just overthinking this… After all, this doesn’t seem like such a bad situation for him to be in, does it?
Thanks in advance for any and all advice!