To be honest, this particular scenario is hard for me to imagine because I’ve never had a lifelong dream that involved putting myself in physical danger. I think that makes this kind of pursuit qualitatively different than wanting to be a rock star or an Olympic champion or something else that might inconvenience the spouse but wouldn’t result in him or her becoming a young widow(er). So in this particular scenario, I’d probably find it a lot easier to empathize with and forgive my spouse than I would if he didn’t want me to pursue something for shallow or materialistic reasons such as financial costs, an unwanted move, or something similar. It probably would take awhile to move past it, though, and I know we’d both have to be committed to working at it.

Courtship: “Ooh how fascinating, you want to go to space!”
Marriage: “You want to do what? You’re going to leave me with the house and kids and all alone for how long?…I don’t think so!”

Like wife didn’t know this was a possibility? Who wants to be an astronaut who doesn’t go to space? Or a surgeon who doesn’t spend long long hours in the ER?

I’ve never been forbidden to do anything that I can remember, but at the first whiff of a controlling man, I’m out. In my experience it leads to some form of abuse and misery later on and I simply won’t take that chance.

Anecdotally: I have a friend who is often asked when her husband is going to “settle down” and how she can possibly be happy with so much change all the time or how can she “let him” do what he does- her answer is simple: she knew exactly who the man was when she married- not some potential ideal version, and so she willingly chose to share the life they lead.

So yes. It always wise to check in with the folks who are closest to you before making a major life decision. Its always good to take that into consideration. But, I figure that if these guys (and I guess they ARE all guys) are good people, they’ve already thought of that. And if they are thoughtful, they found a spouse who might even enjoy the separation. If you’re in the military, you’re gonna marry someone who can handle the separation. And if you marry someone in the military, you better consider what you’re signing up for.

If only spouses had to give permission for their partner’s deployment. Ha!

Still, if I were in a relationship and the other party said “No, you may not go out into the desert and build adobe houses by hand”, I might have to just build an adobe house over the place where I burried that relationship.

Of course, marriage is different. Its harder to walk away from. I don’t think I would ever marry someone (if i even ever marry) who wouldn’t support my dreams. Ideally, we’d go build adobe houses by hand together. Or he would stay in the city and raise the funds for me to raise the rafters.