Comments on: Dear QuirkyAlone: How do I make new friends? http://onely.org/2009/08/24/dear-quirkyalone-how-do-i-make-new-friends/ Fresh perspectives on living solo. Sat, 31 Jul 2010 01:58:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: Alan http://onely.org/2009/08/24/dear-quirkyalone-how-do-i-make-new-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-2445 Alan Tue, 25 Aug 2009 23:11:51 +0000 http://onely.org/?p=2121#comment-2445 Never heard of Meetup. Might give it a try later (when I have time, that is). Haven't really had a problem with friends ditching me...probably because I usually only make acquaintances, which lapse when I move or change jobs. There are very few people who I really want to hold on to. Never heard of Meetup. Might give it a try later (when I have time, that is).

Haven’t really had a problem with friends ditching me…probably because I usually only make acquaintances, which lapse when I move or change jobs. There are very few people who I really want to hold on to.

]]> By: Onely http://onely.org/2009/08/24/dear-quirkyalone-how-do-i-make-new-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-2444 Onely Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:01:18 +0000 http://onely.org/?p=2121#comment-2444 "Friend-dates" are the best date! No worries about who pays! I'm glad it worked out for you in the end after the loneliness period, and I'm glad you mentioned that period because we all have them and it's important to talk about them (so that we don't end up dating bad matches, as you did, which we've all done. . . = ) ) Christina “Friend-dates” are the best date! No worries about who pays! I’m glad it worked out for you in the end after the loneliness period, and I’m glad you mentioned that period because we all have them and it’s important to talk about them (so that we don’t end up dating bad matches, as you did, which we’ve all done. . . = ) )

Christina

]]> By: Onely http://onely.org/2009/08/24/dear-quirkyalone-how-do-i-make-new-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-2443 Onely Tue, 25 Aug 2009 21:57:35 +0000 http://onely.org/?p=2121#comment-2443 I definitely agree with waiting it out--but I think it would also be good to make new friends too. I like the card idea but I personally would do the "thinking of you" route, because I would be worried that "I miss you" might cause the recipient to feel guilty. (?) Christina I definitely agree with waiting it out–but I think it would also be good to make new friends too. I like the card idea but I personally would do the “thinking of you” route, because I would be worried that “I miss you” might cause the recipient to feel guilty. (?)
Christina

]]> By: Onely http://onely.org/2009/08/24/dear-quirkyalone-how-do-i-make-new-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-2442 Onely Tue, 25 Aug 2009 21:55:08 +0000 http://onely.org/?p=2121#comment-2442 That's tough that your old friends use your past as a tool like that. I'm sure they've changed over time too, and it would be nice if they accepted that you have, as well. So your point about new adult friendships being a "fresh start" is well taken. I think I've had a gradual turnover in the last thirteen years so that all my friends are "new" except for one friend from college and a couple longtime family friends. The benefit is that it's allowed me to grow without feeling beholden to people's old ideas of me. Christina That’s tough that your old friends use your past as a tool like that. I’m sure they’ve changed over time too, and it would be nice if they accepted that you have, as well.

So your point about new adult friendships being a “fresh start” is well taken. I think I’ve had a gradual turnover in the last thirteen years so that all my friends are “new” except for one friend from college and a couple longtime family friends. The benefit is that it’s allowed me to grow without feeling beholden to people’s old ideas of me.

Christina

]]> By: autonomous http://onely.org/2009/08/24/dear-quirkyalone-how-do-i-make-new-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-2441 autonomous Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:35:22 +0000 http://onely.org/?p=2121#comment-2441 I so relate to this post! Awhile back, and for several years, I struggled mightily with this. I experienced aching loneliness at times, feeling as though I had been marginalized by my "coupled w/ kids" friends/family and couldn't figure out how to connect with people I might develop close friendships with. (I even dated a guy whom I knew early on to be a bad match because I wanted to feel included in the social world I thought I was missing.) Now looking back, I am grateful for the time I had to fully pursue some of my most personal interests (also what makes me multi-dimensional) as well as I've learned to entertain myself without much effort. Interestingly, when I finally embraced my life as was and I felt happy being single, and just happy in general, several of my oldest, closest friends cycled back around, as well as I made a couple of new ones. (I made the new friends through work and by extension of existing relationships. Went on a lot of "friend-dates" though, that is, some sort of outing) They were all at different stages too with kids/spouses etc., but I don't think it's a coincidence that my positive energy had something to do with why all of a sudden last year, I found that my calendar was jammed with all sorts of social things, and that it has continued at a fair pace. If there is a lull, then well, I know what to do- grab a book, my running shoes, the garden gloves, or take myself to the movies or dinner! I would say that I wish I hadn't agonized so much and just trusted more that if they were such good friends, time would prove it. I also had to look to myself and what type of friend I was....I think I needed time away from certain people to grow too. I so relate to this post! Awhile back, and for several years, I struggled mightily with this. I experienced aching loneliness at times, feeling as though I had been marginalized by my “coupled w/ kids” friends/family and couldn’t figure out how to connect with people I might develop close friendships with. (I even dated a guy whom I knew early on to be a bad match because I wanted to feel included in the social world I thought I was missing.)

Now looking back, I am grateful for the time I had to fully pursue some of my most personal interests (also what makes me multi-dimensional) as well as I’ve learned to entertain myself without much effort.

Interestingly, when I finally embraced my life as was and I felt happy being single, and just happy in general, several of my oldest, closest friends cycled back around, as well as I made a couple of new ones.
(I made the new friends through work and by extension of existing relationships. Went on a lot of “friend-dates” though, that is, some sort of outing) They were all at different stages too with kids/spouses etc., but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my positive energy had something to do with why all of a sudden last year, I found that my calendar was jammed with all sorts of social things, and that it has continued at a fair pace. If there is a lull, then well, I know what to do- grab a book, my running shoes, the garden gloves, or take myself to the movies or dinner!

I would say that I wish I hadn’t agonized so much and just trusted more that if they were such good friends, time would prove it. I also had to look to myself and what type of friend I was….I think I needed time away from certain people to grow too.

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