Comments on: Singlism? Feminism? What gives? (Part One)

By: Singlutionary

Singlutionary — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 20:10:44 +0000

I think that just as many men feel the internal and external pressures to couple. Being the only single guy out of a group of friends sucks just as much as being the only single female. And I’ve often heard men complain, just as women do, that once their friends couple, they never see them again.

I also think that there is a “player” stereotype that goes along with happily single men and a “chaste” stereotype that goes along with happily single women. I’d hate to get stuck in either one of those categories but yes, a woman is still datable if she is assumed chaste but a man is less dateable if he is assumed to be a player.

By: Onely

Onely — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:13:37 +0000

That said, I want to note that I believe that some of those women are probably saying, “Oh look at me, I’m single because I’m so unappealing,” because it’s actually *easier* (and perceived as less wierd!) in our couple-crazed culture than saying “Hey, I don’t mind being single.” CC

By: Onely

Onely — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:11:41 +0000

I think there are *also* lots of women who assume they are single because men (or women) find them unattractive. But you’re right, women do tend to seek out supportive communities more readily, so maybe that offsets the insecurity.
CC

By: Steve

Steve — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:33:01 +0000

I’ll offer some anecdotal evidence from my own circle of friends, which is heavily male, heavily single, and heavily nerdy. At least in my crowd, single men aren’t likely to see their singleness as part of a trend or social theory, aren’t likely to seek out a related community, and don’t perceive their singleness as a conscious choice that fits their personality and/or lifestyle. They just assume they are single because women find them unattractive. Maybe they think of themselves as too ugly, too nerdy, too shy, or too socially incompetent. (And it goes without saying that they also lack the self-confidence that’s often necessary to pursue women.) But whatever the root of their self-perception, it’s something they experience as negative or a fault, and — being introverted and male — they prefer not to reveal the vulnerabilities they’re so self-conscious about.

I think in general, women are just more likely to seek out a like-minded community where they can find support and share experiences.

By: Singlism? Feminism? What Gives? (Part Two) « Onely: Single and Happy

Singlism? Feminism? What Gives? (Part Two) « Onely: Single and Happy — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:52:01 +0000

[...] sexuality, michel foucault, sexuality and feminism, singles' sexuality, we're queer trackback In my last post, I wanted to highlight how the pro-singles movement, in targeting and attracting women as its main [...]