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Here Comes the Bra May 15, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Everyday Happenings, Look What Google Barfed Up.
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7 comments

0013729e42ea0b749a101bNobody does bizarre like the Japanese. We already covered Japan’s rent-a-spouse concept and are pleased to see that they have made further strides in the love industry with the husband-hunting aka “konkatsu” bra!

Triumph publicist Keiko Masuda said of the bra, which features a self-set counter: “First you decide your target time or deadline until marriage and the countdown clock will start.

“Once you find your life partner and get engaged, you have to insert the engagement ring into the slot and the clock stops and The Wedding March begins.”

I had to read that yahoo news snippet three times, plus several other iterations from different articles, before I understood the bra. Allow me to interpret for you: the bride-wannabe sets a timer on the bra for the date or time (unclear) when she wants her fiance to propose. The timer is a clock that ticks down like a bomb in a James Bond movie. If the guy proposes before the digits hit zero, he can take the ring and stick it in the pink slot (subtle, subtle) between the bra cups to cause the Wedding March song to play. Here’s a video with demo. As you would imagine, it’s completely unsexist and inoffensive. 

“But what if he doesn’t propose?” you might well ask. “What if the time runs out? What happens then?” That’s the odd thing. None of the articles I read explained what the bra does if no one sticks a ring into it before the deadline. The yahoo piece said it “resets” automatically. But what song does it play? Or does a horrendous screeching buzzer go off like the sound of old maids screaming as their starving cats maul them? Does it reset for the same amount of time originally chosen, or shorter, putting on the pressure because you’re not getting any younger?

Kudos to any Copious Readers who can find out what happens if the man doesn’t propose! Other than that the woman turns into a pillar of cat food.

–Christina

I ♥ My Marriage T-Shirt – and that’s not even the news! March 18, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Look What Google Barfed Up.
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17 comments

0316093marriage1Nope, we’re not kidding about this one. First, there’s the T-shirt:

The “I ♥ My Marriage” shirt was a promotional item tied to the 2008 movie “Fireproof,” a Christian-themed film starring Kirk Cameron. The movie, a hit in evangelical circles, centers on a fireman’s religious awakening and his simultaneous effort to save a failing marriage.

And then there’s the “news”: (more…)

Nuts and the City: or, Porn and the Single Surfer March 9, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Bad Onely Activities, Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Look What Google Barfed Up, Secret Lives of the Happily Single.
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10 comments

Have you ever been happily blogging away, without a care in the world, and then accidentally created pornography? This happened to me.  When Onely was a younger blog, I wrote my post about how, in my secret life as a happily single person, I like to suck the salt off of nuts and then put them back in the can. In my naivete, I coined the term nut-sucking as an abbreviation for this hobby.

Soon Lisa, who was monitoring our blog stats, discovered that in addition to people finding us by searching for  ”rant single people marriage”; “single and happy”; “retort when are you getting married”; “how to stop wanting to be married”; and (my favorite) “when men are confused”;  readers also were finding us through searches for “nut sucking”  and charming variants, such as “women sucking men’s nuts.” (more…)

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