Single With Attitude: A Compendium of Singles’ Blogs January 2, 2012
Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Great Onely Activities.Tags: singles blogs
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Do you like Onely’s perspectives on single life but think we don’t post often enough? Do you find yourself desperately needing your progressive-singlehood fix, but none of the super-singles blogs you regularly read have anything new up, because their authors are too busy watching five straight hours of Breaking Bad on Netflix (an example just off the top of my head and not based in any way on any actual blog authors living or dead)?
Never fear! Just go to the new compendium of enlightened singles’ blogs at Single with Attitude, a site set up by singles scholar Bella DePaulo. Fresh posts from the different blogs feed to the top of the page–posts from Onely and other sites you may know from our blog roll, and posts from new voices you may discover you like.
Check it out.
–Christina
Alternet Explains Why Marriage Doesn’t Matter April 18, 2010
Posted by Onely in As If!, blog reviews, Reviews.Tags: against marriage, alternet, marriage doesn't matter, single versus married
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I heart this hilarious and insightful Alternet article about Why Marriage Doesn’t Matter. It points out that:
Women are carpet-bombed with the idea that marriage is their happy ending from their first viewing of Cinderella to the last potboiler Rom Com they saw starring Sarah Jessica Jennifer Kate Meg Julia Whatsherhair.
True and straightforward, right? But I’m astounded at how many Alternet readers–normally a pretty progressive bunch, doncha think?–went all right-wing-family-values on author Liz Langley. Several long-married people shrieked that she’d offended them by disparaging their life choice–a life choice that endowed them with special wisdom and compassion for others that the author supposedly doesn’t share, as well as legal privileges that the author would be wise to avail herself of. For example:
. . . I am newly married. I was engaged for love. I married quickly because I needed health insurance. I think that if people choose not to get married, or don’t find that love that’s fine. I understand that Alternet is not often here to play nice to both sides, and usually I appreciate that. I do, however, feel offended by this article. There are a lot of benefits to marriage both emotional and practical. All I read here is “Oh, you got married? hag.”
If this were the Daily Mail or some other trash news outlet, I wouldn’t be surprised at the caliber of commenters. But it’s Alternet! Hence my manic quest to comment on the other commenter’s comments. (Which you can see if you go to the article.)
The discussion is yet another example of how marriage is so disproportionately revered. Even an intelligent, open-minded readership such as Alternet’s freaks out when someone challenges the Marriage Myth, the way people freak out when they see someone kick a puppy.
–Christina
photo credit: Toomas & Marit Hinnosaar
Onely on Change.org: Single? Rent a Date! February 26, 2010
Posted by Onely in As If!, blog reviews, Everyday Happenings, Reviews, We like. . ..Tags: change.org, rent a date
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This is a lazy woman’s post! Here is a link to my Change.org post about Chinese singles paying people to pose as their significant others. At first glance, it’s a bad idea. It concedes and caters to the maladjusted majority opinion that people need to pair up. (Apparently I have alliteration disease tonight.) At second glance—haven’t you ever wanted to have a boyfriend or girlfriend for one particular event, like that time you were going to the Oscars and didn’t feel like walking down the red carpet alone under the scrutiny of all those pairing-obsessed paparazzi?
Or if date-renting singles aren’t your bag, you can go to the Take Action page on Change.org and find all sorts of petitions and letters you can add your name to. If anyone has an idea for a singles’-rights-themed petition, please let me know. Or go and create your own!
Lisa and I are sort of bumming because we’ve put a couple interesting links up on our Facebook pages, including the NYT article about how there are fewer men available to college women and a Change.org petition against American Apparel’s “best bottoms” contest, and no one really comments on them (except for my friend Nicole, yay Nicole!). But if someone changes their “status” to “in a relationship” then OMG EVERYONE COMMENTS RIGHT AWAY HOW EXCITING CONGRATULATIONS!
–Christina
Photo: AMagill
Blog Review: Kris Kringle for Singles December 27, 2009
Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Reviews.Tags: kris kringle for singles, single during the holidays, singles blog
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While working on Matt’s excellent comment (31 Jan edit: It was wagdog’s comment, not Matt’s! sorry!) “Are there any Christmas movies that aren’t singlist?” I stumbled upon an interesting site that has nothing to do with movies, but a lot to do with being single during the (specifically) Christmas season. Kris Kringle for Singles starts off by saying, “It sucks being single during the holidays,” which of course is only true for some singles. The site acknowledges this:
I know some single people are content and don’t much care about being single during one of the most family-oriented and couple-oriented holidays of all. . . There are singles that just got out of a relationship and are feeling a sense of relief. There are new divorcees that are looking forward to a new chapter in their lives. You get the point. This blog will be a well-rounded blog. It’s for singles that love Christmas but feel the pressure of being single in society, especially during the holidays.
It’s after midnight and I haven’t had a change to explore this site in depth, but our Onely readers might want to check it out in time for Jesus’ birthday next year. (Our Russian Orthodox readers are in luck–you still have a week before Christmas to use this site!)
Christina
Seeking Sexy, Celibate Seniors November 12, 2009
Posted by Onely in blog reviews.Tags: better than I ever expected, joan price, senior sex, single seniors, unpartnered
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One of Onely’s favorite blogs, Better Than I Ever Expected, is looking for unpartnered seniors who want to talk about their experiences with sensuality and sexuality. I hope that some of our Copious Readers–both male and female–fit this demographic and will contact blogger Joan Price as described below. In my opinion, her blog about senior sexuality is very very very important from a feminist perspective. The beauty, news, and entertainment industries do their best to tie female sexuality to female youthfulness, a link which we need to uncouple (heh). As women have gained more power in the workforce and a greater ability to support themselves, they’ve also gained more sexual freedom. Any attempt to limit women’s sexual freedom is an attempt also to restrict the women’s equality movement. Which is why historically patriarchal establishments such as the mass media attempt to limit women’s sexual expression by tying sexuality tightly to youth and implying that to have a full, satisfying sex life, you must be or look young (read: naive, less powerful). Here’s what Joan says about her latest project that deconstructs the stereotypes of senior sex, and here’s your chance for your (senior) voice to be heard:
Seeking Sexy, Celibate Seniors
Are you 50 – 80+, feeling sexy and enjoying your sensuality, yet celibate and unpartnered by choice? I’d like to interview you by email for my new book, Naked at Our Age. (more…)
TAKE ACTION: Speak Up For Health Care Reform August 8, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, blog reviews, Everyday Happenings, Singles Resource, Take action.Tags: health care reform for singles, HR 676, public health care option, single payer system, singletude
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Check out yet another thorough and engaging post from Clever Elsie at Singletude, this time about the upcoming vote on HR 676, a bill supporting a single payer health care system, where we are all covered by ONE taxpayer-funded public source. (Ooh, how very Scandinavian!) As always, Singletude has done her research and explains why she is a fan of this bill. I am a fan of single-payer too, but my reasoning is based more on my gut than my head, so I encourage our Copious Readers to go to Singletude for more details. (more…)
Dr. Lillis Makes Onely Cry! Tell Him to Apologize! July 19, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, blog reviews, Heteronormativity.Tags: bella depaulo, Chancellor Internal Medicine, Dr. Christopher Lillis, marriage good for health, marriage healthy, marriage studies, singletude
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If any of our Copious Readers have friends who buy into the (flawed) “marriage-makes-healthy” studies, send them to Singletude‘s 15 July post. Singletude professionally and eruditely tears into Dr. Christopher Lillis, an internist with Chancellor Internal Medicine in Fredricksburg, Virginia. High on his recent nuptials, Dr. Lillis basically says that:
1) Everyone needs to get married so that their spouse will remind them to take care of their health! Singles wither away because they don’t remember go to the doctor!
2) People who remain single are likely to be genetically inferior to marrieds! (This isn’t at *all* like eugenics, is it? Lisa says, “What, is he going to measure the size of our heads?”)
3) Scientists who discount the “marriage-makes-healthy” studies are bitter because they never have time to get out of the lab to find true love! (Here he admits to hyperbole, but claims he’s allowed to say such things, because it’s his essay and he “just got hitched”. Careful of that bit and bridle, Doc. I can see it’s already squeezing on your brain.)
4) “Getting married reduces depressive symptoms, and getting divorced increases them.”
A Onederful Year June 22, 2009
Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Great Onely Activities, We like. . ..Tags: one year anniversary, onely, origins of onely
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One year ago today, Christina and I posted for the first time on what it means to be single and happy. Since that day, Onely has proven to be an exciting and continually evolving blog project that both of us are thrilled to continue. The idea for Onely emerged from two separate, seemingly unrelated experiences that Christina and I had in June 2008.
For me, I experienced an unexpected surge of happiness after I “told off” a guy after he stood me up – a second time. Instead of insisting that he apologize and/or beg for forgiveness, I told him instead, “We don’t have to date, you know.” Uttering those words — instead of words of blame or anger — made me feel suddenly, and surprisingly, free: I had articulated something that I had been wanting to say for some time but didn’t know how — I didn’t have to pursue a relationship, and I could be honest about what I wanted (or didn’t) even in a “casual” dating situation.
For Christina, it was during one week at work when she received yet another email celebrating yet another coworker’s marriage or baby (or second or third baby). “An office shower!” the messages always said. The suggested donation was always five dollars and the food was always pizza. Christina hates pizza. She wanted the office to buy her veggie wraps, but it seemed the only way she was ever going to get a veggie wrap was to get married or knocked up.
We commiserated on the phone one day in mid-June about our shared anger at these situations. I told Christina that her office culture sounded very “heteronormative”. ”Hete-what?” she said. I explained its meaning (see our sidebar!), and we have both been happily flinging the word about ever since.
During that conversation, we also discussed the relief we felt about not being in or even pursuing relationships, heternormative or otherwise. I wondered out loud why no one ever seemed to admit to being happy and single and not seeking to change their status. Shortly thereafter — after a flurry of emails and Christina’s brilliant epiphany for a blog title — Onely was born.
We weren’t sure that anyone would actually read us, but now we are flattered by a regular presence of Copious Readers who inspire us to keep writing. And although we began blogging because we didn’t see others writing about being single and happy, we have since discovered a rich community of like-minded single bloggers and writers who provide perspectives supportive of, though sometimes different from, our own.
As of today, we’ve proud to have written 215 posts of varying degrees of literary merit. We’re also proud that “nut-sucking” and “animal sex” are apparently two of the best ways for people to find Onely in a random Google search.
–Lisa (and Christina)
Some Like It Single: QuirkyEconomist! May 8, 2009
Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Some Like It Single.Tags: children as investments, dating and the free market, happily single, like it single, quirky economist, quirkyeconomist, singles blogs
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Welcome to the latest installment in our new series, Some Like It Single, where we profile (relatively) small, independent blogs dedicated to exploring what it means to be “single” in American culture and, we hope, around the world.
Today we are looking at QuirkyEconomist. She describes herself as “a happily single woman simply informed, but not determined, by the fact that I am also an economist“. How do those two things intersect, you might ask? QE explains:
Economists see the world as a series of choices and we identify the costs and benefits of all the alternatives, but we try to remain neutral (i.e., non-judgmental) about the choices people actually make.
In one post QE provides a small compendium of links to other economists who link love with market fluctuations and even–be still my nerdish heart–game theory! She decries the image of economists as heartless number-crunchers (“children as investment goods”) and points out examples of how dating is not that different from the free market.
Although as of her 5 April post, she was not actually single in the “uncoupled” sense, she continues to embrace the Onely/QuirkyAlone/Singlutionary mindset. That means she won’t pursue a relationship just to be in a relationship, and also that she supports (to use QuirkyEconomist’s words)
“everyone’s right to be happy being whatever the heck they want to be, without other people making a bunch of assumptions about them.” (more…)
Men and Cats May 6, 2009
Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Food for Thought, We like. . ..Tags: adam fulrath, attractive men, men and cats, men with cats, menandcats.com, single mythology
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Studies have shown that women think pictures of attractive men holding babies are even sexier than pictures of the men alone. But what’s waaay sexier than a man with a baby? Yes, a man with a CAT! Thanks to Singular magazine for showing me the site Men and Cats. According to a New York Times article, Crazy Cat Men are the latest thing. One of them, John Scalzi, explains why: “If you’re feeling insecure about your space in the world, you get a dog because he will always back you up. . . (but a man with a cat) is secure with himself. He’s sharing his space with a predator.”
And what’s more attractive than someone who is confident about his space in the world?
The stereotypes of men with cats–that they’re effeminate or eternal bachelors or whatever–and the arguments cat-loving (non-effeminate, non-eternal bachelor) men use to counter these stereotypes remind me of the dynamic of singlism and singles. We singles are regularly forced to defend ourselves against, or make excuses for, a status that is not inherently bad in the first place and which can actually be pretty honorable. Same with men and their cats.
Full disclosure: I once briefly dated a friend who took care of my foster cat when I went on an extended trip. J soon decided that he didn’t want to see me anymore but oh, by the way, he’d like to permanently adopt Paws. A less noble foster mom might have said, “F no!” But the business of fostering is to find the kitties homes where they are loved. And so I have not seen Paws since then, except in fond memories. Nobility is overrated!
Copious Readers (except for our hetero male readers, sorry once again, Alan and Bobby), have you dated men with cats? Wish you had? Wish you hadn’t? Who wants to meet Adam Fulrath for a little midnight catnip? ME! ME!
–Christina
