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Book Release: A Voice For Singles With Chronic Illness August 27, 2014

Posted by Onely in book review, Reviews, Single with chronic illness, We like. . ..
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indexA while ago we here at Onely.org gave our dear Copious Readers a heads-up and review about Nika C. Beamon’s book MISDIAGNOSED: THE SEARCH FOR DR. HOUSE.

Now we wanted to announce that it’s available on Amazon.com as a paperback and Kindle book.  It’s also available on Smashwords and as a Nook Book.  Look for the paperback version on Barnes and Noble.com. Congratulations, Nika!

She also wrote a guest post on Psychology Today that ties into the book and talks about how to deal with being sick and single.

Copious Readers, I hope you’re not sick and that no one you love has a serious illness. But even if you are so lucky, check out Nika’s book anyway, just for educational value. You might find a whole new world of weirdness as you enter the seamy, stupid underbelly of the U.S. healthcare system.

–Christina

 

We’re BACK! (With one little quote) July 25, 2014

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Just Saying., We like. . ..
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Beloved Copious Readers,

We’ve missed you! Many of you blog yourselves, so you know how sometimes life has a way of rudely inserting itself between your fingers and the keyboard.

For now, we’d like to offer you just a tidbit of Singles-Power to carry with you during dry spells when Onely or the other singles’ advocacy blogs you may follow (or write!) are not posting regularly. We’d like to present you with a pithy quote to tide you over during those dark days when it seems as if everyone around you is taking for granted that married people ought to be favored over unmarried people.

But first, some background: Many of you know that we here at Onely believe the institution of marriage is over-privileged. Married people receive too many rights at the expense of unmarried people. It’s discrimination that no one sees.

The playing field needs to be evened out. Tax professionals, legal experts, lawmakers, business owners and others with expertise in social planning need to start rethinking how to behave towards marriage. They need to start figuring out how to untangle marriage from random rights, such as–to name just one of over a thousand examples in the U.S. federal code alone–the right to set up an IRA for their spouse (single people usually can’t help anyone out by setting up an IRA for them, except maybe dependents).

Our power-brokers need to help facilitate these readjustments, but they won’t–because they don’t see a problem or disparity.

When Lisa and I wrote an article about the financial aspects of this discrimination for Atlantic.com, some people opened their eyes and said, “Wow, that’s a really good point!” But go look at the comments section.  Many other readers opened their eyes and said, “Wow, we hate you!” (Meaning: “You messed with our entrenched world view!”)

One of our more subtle haters was a “tax professional” who sent us at least two multi-page emails calculating and re-calculating the “reasons” married people get more screwed by the IRS than single people. Even though we politely explained that our Atlantic story was representative and accurate, if not comprehensive, and even though we explained that we had consulted our own tax professional, she kept insisting that it’s the singles, not the marrieds, who win out in the end.

People, it’s not a contest–it’s a problem.

We were surprised that Atlantic.com produced so many haters, because we had assumed their readership would include exactly the smart, liberal demographic you’d imagine would go for the kind of massive paradigm shift required to end discrimination of any sort–including marital status discrimination.

But no, not necessarily. (We had the same problem at Change.org–this very liberal site barfed up more than one hater when I wrote about marital status discrimination for my women’s right column.)

But anyway, as we started to say in the beginning before we got distracted by our multi-paragraph “Background” extravaganza, we’d like to offer you a relevant quote we hope you will carry with you until the next time we post and you honor us with your readership:

THERE ARE SOME IDEAS SO WRONG ONLY A VERY INTELLIGENT PERSON COULD BELIEVE IN THEM.

–Quote by George Orwell

–All other blatherings by Christina

 

Weird Things We Worship: Weddings May 21, 2014

Posted by Onely in We like. . ., YouTube Style.
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Copious Readers, welcome to the first installment of our new series, “Weird Things We Worship”. The theme of today’s post is Weddings.

Check out this Buzzfeed video “Things you would only do at a wedding that would be creepy elsewhere”. It shows how bizarre some of the aspects of marriage ceremonies are and makes you wonder just why we get all spun up about the Big Day.  That’s fine–lots of ceremonies have quirky bits, which are often fun. But weddings are different somehow. They often take themselves too seriously. And they can mirror society’s overall aura of marital status privilege (MSP). Watch the part of the video where our hero tells his friend to bring him a present. Well, watch the whole video, but especially watch that part. (Though all social analysis about MSP aside, it’s also fun to watch where our hero throws the rice. . .)

 

–Christina

Sillybacy: The Funnier Side of The No-Sex Oath January 10, 2014

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Everyday Happenings, We like. . ..
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4754863837_97f5417ffe_oAs our Copious Readers at Onely know, some single people have lots of sex, some have (ahem) rather middling amounts, and some have no sex at all. What? None?

For unmarried or uncoupled people who want sex but aren’t having any, this seems like quite the problem. But many people actually choose or swear to be celibate–maybe for a pre-determined period, maybe permanently, or maybe for an indeterminate amount of time after (ahem) a particularly bad first date, involving an argument about ice cream in a public parking lot and also (don’t ask) beansprouts.

But despite all these different kinds of celibacy, when most people hear “celibacy”, our knee-jerk reaction is,

Difficult. Extreme. Embarrassing to discuss, especially with the perpetrator.

So I am pleased to flag for you this tongue-in-cheek list on the blog of a Catholic priest friend of mine, which explains why being celibate isn’t so celibad* after all. (more…)

Visualize Living Alone: Infographic About This Extraordinary Privilege May 3, 2013

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Uncategorized, We like. . ..
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1 comment so far

Copious Readers,

We here at Onely like to experiment with guest posters! We love having them and the interesting perspectives they bring (which may or may not completely jibe with Onely’s optic). Today we are moving from pure text to something a little more visual–an Infographic. This medium is new to us so we’ll be interested in hearing your feedback on both the form and the content, which in this case has to do with the growing trend of Living Alone. Click on the graphic to see the whole image on ForRent.com, an apartment search company exploring this new trend. Normally Onely does not advocate specific businesses, but we believe in companies that consider renting or building alternative housing for non-traditional familes such as single people, and so we appreciate that ForRent has taken notice of single dwellers.

In 1950, only 9% of households had single occupants. Comparing that with today’s 27%, it is easy to see the trend of solitary living. With extending life spans, the average age of marriage slowly increasing and large rises in urbanization, we are on a path that will not be changing in the near future. The economy is in a slow recovery yet, surprisingly, a very small amount of young adults have moved back into their family homes.

In this infographic, we will take a look at some of the other factors influencing Americans to forego residential companionship and instead prefer to live by themselves.

Alone But Not Lonely
“Alone But Not Lonely” infographic designed by ForRent.com

Unmarried Thirty-Somethings Rock: Support ‘2 Hopeful Spinsters’! March 2, 2013

Posted by Onely in Celebrities, film review, single and happy, We like. . ., YouTube Style.
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1a2e16b2e8b07adc9aed052af4f68b69-d4molsuPeople sometimes comment on (or laugh at) the fact that Lisa and I are two people co-writing a blog about being happily and progressively single. Most other singles’ blogs are, quite logically, written by a single person. So imagine our delight when we discovered another website co-managed by pair of single women, just like Onely!  Except 2 Hopeful Spinsters consists of action-packed web video, instead of action-packed web words.Heather and Dellany (the Hopeful Spinsters)’s goal, like Onely’s, is to challenge the cobwebbed notions that thirty-something single women are bitter, jaded, ugly, and surrounded by cats (well, actually we’re not going to challenge that last one).

In their kickstarter pitch, the Hopeful Spinsters point out Webster Dictionary’s definition of spinster: a woman past the common marrying age. In the US today, that age is 27. In the pitch they also include a segment “Shit People Say to Spinsters (Inspired by actual events)”. At a college alumni shindig, the partiers demonstrate typical lines often thrown at ‘spinsters’, for example: Are you a lesbian? Have you thought about freezing your eggs? and, my personal favorite, where a man certainly over thirty years old says,

I don’t date women over 30. (more…)

Singles and Asexuals: Their Intersextion January 23, 2013

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, sex, single and happy, We like. . ..
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25 comments

psychedelic_girl_2_by_simonfalk-d5c0ktyAn ‘asexual person’ refers to someone who does not experience sexual attraction.

To many people, this sounds startling, or freakish. They may say it’s impossible; the asexual person must have something wrong with them.

A ‘non-seeking single’ refers to someone who doesn’t particularly care if he or she finds The One or gets married. 

To many people, this sounds startling, or freakish. They may say it’s impossible; the single person must have something wrong with them.

*****

Whoaaaaaa there, some of our Copious Readers might say. Why are you comparing asexuals to singles? You’re just perpetuating the stereotype that non-coupled singles don’t get any sex! And that’s not true! We get a LOT of sex! Sometimes!

No, this is not about that. This is about rhetoric. Asexuals and singles of many stripes are alike–in that they suffer from (or are irritated by) the same kinds of prejudiced rhetoric. I recently watched the documentary (A)Sexual. Its primary hero is David Jay, the founder of  AVEN, the Asexuality and Visibility Education Network. The film also follows asexual advocate Swank Ivy. I stared with fascination as she described her Top Ten List of Things People Say To an Asexual.

If Onely had compiled a Top Ten list (why didn’t we ever think to do that?) it would be pretty much identical to Swank Ivy‘s. (Although her online list varies slightly from the verbal list she gives in the movie, their essences are the same.) Note that she writes from the point of view of a hetero woman, but the list could easily be tweaked to fit men: (more…)

Singles Advocates Talk Live on HuffPost January 18, 2013

Posted by Onely in We like. . ..
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2 comments

Copious Readers, you may want to go to HuffPost Live  to see a moderated discussion among Dr. Bella DePaulo of Singled Out, Eleanor Wells of The Spinsterlicious Life, and Christina of Onely (Lisa is on Beirut time).

We’ll be talking about about how marital status discrimination impacts single people, as described in Onely’s recent Atlantic article, and Bella and Eleanor’s books.

Comments are welcome. Except about my hair.

–Christina (and Lisa)

Singles Shopping Day November 18, 2012

Posted by Onely in Everyday Happenings, single and happy, We like. . ..
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5 comments

Lisa and I are so behind on our Onely research and writing that we missed Singles Shopping Day on 11 November! So sorry we were unable to flag it for for you, our Copious Readers, because I know you all (and by you all, I mean me) love any holiday that combines shopping with the chance to get all up on our soapboxes about the awesomeness of singlehood.

On 11/11, Singles Shopping Day, according to this AP news article,

Singles Day was begun by Chinese college students in the 1990s as a version of Valentine’s Day for people without romantic partners. . . Unattached young people would treat each other to dinner or give gifts to woo that special someone and end their single status.

(more…)

Onely Hearts Valentine’s Day February 14, 2012

Posted by Onely in We like. . ., Your Responses Requested!.
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2 comments

My co-blogger Lisa and I historically have struggled with what to write for our Valentine’s Day post. As a blog about progressive singlehood, we feel we are expected to write something. But one can only write so many times about what a dumb holiday Valentine’s Day is, before one begins to bore oneself.

So this year we’re writing about the non-dumb side of Valentine’s Day, which is, of course, CANDY HEARTS!

I love those little chalky pastel-colored hearts, not only because they are calorie- and sugar-free (they dissolve so delightfully on the tongue, how could they contain anything but fizz and love?).  I also love how the classic candy hearts are printed with messages that range from sweet to desperate to creepy: Honey Bee. Cutie Pie. Sweet Love. Be good. My baby.  Hug me. Let’s kiss. All mine. Do me. (Ok, maybe not that last one.)

We need bags of hearts for each and every holiday, especially National Singles Week.  Oh yeah, an entire week’s worth of candy hearts! Poor one-day Valentine’s fans can suck it (literally).

Copious Readers, what words would you stamp on candy hearts for National Singles’ Week in September (I plan early)? We haven’t yet gotten much of a response from you on our request for Renga poems, so we’re going to keep poking away at your creative potential until it bursts forth. Like a geyser. Or a zit. Either will be fine.

Here are some suggestions off the top of my head, ranging from personal to political to dorky: Not alone. Equal pay. All families. Single mom. Single dad. Stop showers. Who’s selfish? Super solo. One fun. Not looking. Live alone. Cohabitate. Love too. Myth free. So fine.

–Christina

Photo credit: megaul

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