But what’s going on when a Oneler literally has a dream about getting married?

I’m not sure, but I can say this: It’s unsettling… Just over a week ago, I woke up at 4am remembering that I’d almost gotten married; as I put the strange pieces together and recalled the emotions I felt during the dream, I worried: did my psyche just make me a traitor to my Oneliness?

Here’s what happened: I was minding my own business, hanging out with a man of slight proportions (he was short and slim, and otherwise generally unattractive to me), when all of a sudden… I was preparing to get married! The man disappeared, and I headed to the ceremony: I was wearing cut-off jean shorts and a pink tank-top. I remember feeling a little embarrassed but thought it wouldn’t matter much. I arrived at the ceremony, and found that it was to be held in the lobby of a cheap-looking hotel — the surroundings reminded me of a ’50s-era Howard Johnson motel (something like this). In one corner of the lobby, a group of men in business attire huddled together, ignoring the small group of people waiting for me. Everyone (except for the men in business suits) was sitting on the floor. The man I had been with before materialized and was also on the floor (kneeling instead of sitting). I was expected to kneel too. As I made my way to my “position” in front of everyone, I remember feeling very uncomfortable – all eyes were on me and I didn’t feel “beautiful” or “happy.” Honestly, I didn’t feel much of anything (except discomfort). I certainly didn’t want to be married, but I didn’t feel I could resist, either. So I was prepared to go through with it, with a man whom I didn’t find particularly attractive or engaging. And then it turned out that my betrothed had neglected to write his vows, and it turned out I was about to marry a lazy unattractive idiot, which added to my general embarrassment, and then…

I woke up. And thank god for that, because – holy shit! – I almost got married

Perhaps it was the jetlag (I just returned from the U.S.), but I find it significant that I couldn’t fall asleep after that. I just kept replaying the dream in my mind, wondering where in the world it had come from, how I could possibly have given in to the “dream” of marriage – especially when I didn’t want it, didn’t like my future spouse, and wasn’t even dressed appropriately!

Copious Readers, I hope you can help me interpret this: What does it mean when a Oneler dreams about marriage?

– Lisa

photo credit: Varia

Onely’s long-time mission is to fight discrimination against singles. But lately we’re considering abandoning our quest. Why bother, when the very fabric of the universe is stacked against us?

Today we’re examining the super-fast “runaway” stars that streak through the Milky Way. Scientists originally thought that the stars used to be one of a pair of stars. A runaway star, they reasoned, was “fleeing a partner that exploded in a supernova,” according to  an article in New Scientist magazine (26 November 2011, p.17).

I liked this theory. The runaways had left their volatile, oppressive partner stars, preferring to zip around the galaxy as single stars. Or I guess you could say maybe the runaways had been dumped–it all depends on how you interpret, And so, then my significant other exploded in a supernova. . .

Either way, I was like “Go Single Star Power! Rah rah!” But then New Scientist burst my bubble. It turns out that runaway stars are actually victims of couplemania, or the privileging of the couple unit. Researchers have recently learned that the runaway stars are not halves of broken-up pairs at all. They are actually single stars that tried to hang out in orbit with a committed star couple. They gained their burst of speed when they were

booted out because the trio was gravitationally unstable.

Well you know the old saying, Two’s company, three’s gravitationally unstable. Or as New Scientist puts it,

Single stars that try to come between a stellar pair are flung away at breakneck speeds

Even though the star was just trying to be friendly. And that’s why Onely is giving Mother Nature a B*tchslap this week.

–Christina

Photo credit: Jem Yoshioka

Never fear! Just go to the new compendium of enlightened singles’ blogs at Single with Attitude, a site set up by singles scholar Bella DePaulo. Fresh posts from the different blogs feed to the top of the page–posts from Onely and other sites you may know from our blog roll, and posts from new voices you may discover you like.

Check it out.

–Christina

Because, apparently, whether you’re married or not directly correlates to: whether you have (or need) someone who’ll remind you to take your medicine, whether anyone is around to knock on the bathroom door if you’re silent in the tub for more than two hours, whether you’re happy or whether you’re going to kill yourself, whether anyone is beating on you or not, whether you feel lonely or not, whether you eat well or not, or any number of factors that could impact your treatment plan. Right?

Annoyed, I put “N/A” next to “marital status”, though what I really wanted to write was “loose woman”. Then I moved on to the next question, which was:

Name of spouse/parent:

Copious Readers, have you ever been asked for this information on a doctor’s form? If so, what did you do? My reaction was instant panic:

I don’t have a spouse. So if I don’t have a spouse, who takes care of me? Well, a parent, obviously, according to this question. Yet I don’t remember seeing a parent when I left the house this morning. Oh dear, did I misplace my parent?

It took me a few seconds, but eventually I remembered that I live alone and take care of myself. I’d always thought this was a perfectly valid way of life, but the doctor’s new patient form didn’t allow for this option. It seemed to imply that either you’re married, or you live with a parent.

Because marriage is commonly–albeit illogically–regarded as a gateway into adulthood, singlehood is often regarded as an extension of childhood (erego, singles must live with parents). This trope was clearly reflected in the wording of the questionnaire.

At first I thought maybe this was just their ham-fisted (a word one should never apply to an ob-gyn) attempt to determine who my emergency contact was, but no–there was another box further down soliciting that information. When I wrote my mom down as an emergency contact, I felt as if I were playing into the very single-as-childlike stereotype presented by the “name of spouse/parent” question–even though my mother lives several states away (and even though I don’t believe that there’s anything inherently childlike about single adults living with their parents anyway).

This cascade of insecurities made me ashamed and cranky. Or maybe it was the fact that I was about to have a pap smear. Which, by the way, hurt like a mother.

–Christina

Photo credit: monarchmedicalproducts

Onely’s regular readers know we hate it when couples are privileged over us singles. We hate paying more than couples at the gym. We hate that the beneficiaries of our IRAs have to pay taxes on that money, just because they’re not our spouses. We hate movies where the hero’s life magically becomes all hunky-dory just because she pairs up with someone. We hate singlism, and we’ve encountered a lot of it in our time.

But at least no one has ever tried to kill us because we were single.

No such luck for single cannibal shrimp. According to this article in New Scientist magazine,

Cannibal shrimp are so hell-bent on living in pairs that when placed in groups of three or four, they attack their peers until just one couple remains alive.

No matter what your stance on marital status discrimination, you have to admit that would make a really gripping reality show.

–Christina

Photo credit: oogoom

P.S. Yes, all you taxonomists out there, that photo is not actually of cannibal shrimp.  It’s a copulation between two male and one female Amano shrimp, who are apparently much more freespirited and less heteronormative than cannibal shrimp.