How easy it is to drink too much soda water and then run to the bathroom and begin your autopilot pee routine, which involves pulling down your pants and sitting on the seat, but does not include shutting the door. How easy to forget that the plumber is upstairs working on your showerhead.

This happened to me the other day, and I only remembered I wasn’t alone when I heard his footsteps coming down the stairs towards the hallway where I sat on the pot in flagrante (I’m not sure what that means exactly, but how it sounds is how I felt). “Quick! Close the door!” you might have said, had I been the star of a wierd indie film and you an audience member. Ah, easier said than done.

Whenever I do try to close the door, the thick turquoise towel under the kitty litter box wedges the door halfway open.  From my perch I could see the plumber’s thighs, then his torso, thumping downwards next to the bannister. Like in any good Bourne or Bruce Willis film (I’m scrapping the indie metaphor), I had about two seconds to make a crucial decision before the plumber’s head came into view and he turned towards the hallway–should I try to unwedge the towel and close the door, or should I yank my pants up?

I chose to unwedge. Copious Readers, what would you have done? I know you think you probably would not have been so silly (or, to take  Freudian stab at it, so unconsciously exhibitionist?) to have left the door open in the first place. But I still felt it my duty to warn you.

–Christina

Photo credit: Flying Pig Beach Hostel

–Christina

P.S. I’m also peevish about the term “Michigander”, which sounds like a kind of Japanese waterfowl.

Photo Credit: Library of Congress

Truly is the most important thing in my life right now.

Oh good, because that pesky Armenian-Azeri conflict was getting old.

Don’t worry, America–despite being on a whirlwind diplomatic mission to Eastern Europe, Clinton says she has “been able to fit in tastings and dress selections and all the other things the mother of the bride has to do”.

I would expect someone who put eighteen million cracks in the glass ceiling to be imaginative and open-minded about the meaning of a wedding, not to parrot traditional roles rooted in sexism and materialism.

And regardless of whether Chelsea’s ceremony is tacky or tasteful, it should still not be a priority for Clinton. She has a responsibility to the people of the U.S. and the world to prioritize her political obligations and power, for which she fought so hard and for which so many people supported her.

I realize we all have things in our lives to which we attribute unreasonable importance.  For me, my persistent oily scalp  often seems far more important and devastating than, say, Hezbollah‘s latest hijinks.  But here’s the thing–I would never say so out loud.  The fact that Clinton can get away with declaring the wedding to be a priority, in the midst of all the real madness going on in the world, reveals just how much our society idealizes marriage (especially the ceremony), places it on a pedestal, surrounds it with an (almost) impenetrable mystical aura, and generally accepts without question that it’s an overall awesome concept.

Even the BBC in effect puts flower arrangements on the same level as missile defense, without a trace of irony or self-consciousness:

She said her roles as the leading US diplomat and the bride’s mother were “serious, important and stressful”, but manageable thanks to e-mail.

Hillary, honey, I’m hoping that was an out-of-context misquote.  Here’s the thing: your duties as the bride’s mother are not serious. They are not important. And they are only stressful because you have been culturized to believe that dresses and tastings are serious and important.

As Lisa said after I instant-messaged her the link to the BBC article, “Matrimania = easier via email”.

–Christina

P.S. I suspect there will be trolls out there who come out of their holes and say that of course Hilary should prioritize “family over her job”. For those who would make that argument, I suggest you take off your conventionality hat and read the post again, more carefully.

Photo credit: Jay Cables

Extra special thanks to Bella for hosting us! We’re truly flattered

– Lisa and Christina

Now put your hands up
Up in the club, we just broke up
I’m doing my own little thing
you decided to dip but now you wanna trip
Cuz another brother noticed me
I’m up on him, he up on me
dont pay him any attention
cuz i cried my tears, gave three good years
Ya can’t be mad at me

[Chorus]
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

wo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh x2

(Chorus)

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips
hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans
acting up, drink in my cup
I couldnt care less what you think
I need no permission, did I mention
Dont pay him any attention
Cuz you had your turn
But now you gonna learn
What it really feels like to miss me

(Chorus)

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

woo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh 2x

Don’t treat me to the things of this world
I’m not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
Is a man that makes me, then takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms
Say I’m the one you WANT
If you don’t, you’ll be alone
And like a ghost I’ll be gone

All the single ladies (7x)
Now put your hands up
woo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh
oh oh oh 2x

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it woo oh ooh 2x

Two beefs:

First, the easiest and most obvious criticism: the song feeds into the stereotype that all single women want to get married. Second, and more disturbing because it’s more insidious, is the implication that women who don’t hold out for a ring are “that kind of girl” (verse three). And we all know what “that kind” of girl is–loose, slutty, easy, not “good”.

The fact that this song has become a single women’s anthem, even though it’s actually kind of offensive to single women (and all women), speaks volumes about how ensconced the notion is that women’s sexuality should be tied to marriage.

That said, I won’t lie and say I’m not tapping my fingers on the steering wheel when this tune comes on the car radio. Copious Readers, are you ambivalent toward this song too, or do you think I should turn down my Pop Culture Deconstruction dial when I’m driving?

–Christina

Photo Credit: Mr. Azed