Why Date When You Can Write? April 29, 2009Posted by Onely in Dating, Great Onely Activities, single and happy, We like. . ..
Tags: being single, finding a boyfriend, Microsoft Word, relationship priorities, time-consuming hobbies, writing is hard
I realized why I have so little interest in finding a boyfriend. It’s because I am already in a relationship. His name is Mike Rosoft Word. Yes, I am dating my writing. It is an emotionally exhausting relationship. I often feel I don’t deserve to be with Mike. I sometimes think about breaking if off. But I can’t. When we get along, it’s wonderful. When we aren’t meshing, though, I cry and gnash my teeth. I spend chunks of every weekend and several weeknights with Mike. You see, the more time I spend with him, the greater the chance that we’ll have one of our rare good spells. Last Saturday I told my friend Jess I couldn’t meet her for a movie because I was already planning to be with Mike that evening–even though I had just seen him the night before, and the night before that, too. I want to learn to garden, but Mike doesn’t like that (grit gets in his cracks), so I stay inside with him. (more…)
Onely Watershed Moments April 15, 2009Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities, God-Idiot or Asshole?, Heteronormativity, We like. . ..
Tags: accepting singleness, bad year, being single, drywall, dumped twice, single mythology, watershed moment
In Lisa’s blurb on our “About Lisa and Christina” tab, she talks about how she fell in love with her single life on a road trip across the country. I was wondering what other watershed moments our Copious Readers have experienced in their journeys from (maybe) heteronormative self-expectations to acceptance of singlehood as a viable, healthy, and acceptable lifestyle.
I don’t know that I ever had a watershed moment. I think my default setting has always been “mostly fine with singleness”, with momentary spikes into “feeling obligated to date to meet social expectations”. However, I think I had a Watershed Month or two sometime in mid-2008. (more…)
Heteronormaholes On the Prowl! Reach out to your congress reps! February 21, 2009Posted by Onely in As If!, Take action.
Tags: being single, benefits of marriage, feral cats, fiction, marriage mythology, national healthy marriage resource center, no friends, Rachel's Musings
A couple years ago, I fed, spayed, and removed an abcess from the tail of a very scared little tabby kitten whose mama had disappeared. I found a home for Fiction with my neighbors, to whom she is a delight. She also comes by every day for snuggles and I’m sure her purr therapy has had added years on to my life.
So why isn’t there a massive ad campaign to encouraging people to improve their well-being by saving and socializing feral cats? Because this hobby isn’t right or comfortable for everyone! DUH. So why is the federal government funding an ad campaign to promote the hobby of marriage? Because the government is Severely Duh-Impaired, that’s why:
Rachel’s post alerted Onely to the federally funded campaign to encourage marriage, as described in this USA Today article. According to the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, which is spearheading the campaign in response to falling marriage rates, “Young people want ‘happily ever after,’ but lack skills to make marriage work.”
Internet Drivel, Scourge of the Onelys! (Part 78e) August 17, 2008Posted by Onely in As If!, Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys, Singled Out.
Tags: being single, guilt, Heteronormativity, i'm happy and you're not, jealousy, MSN, pop culture, singles table, weddings
I just came across this article in my morning internet-browse, entitled “10 Tips for Defusing Jealousy once You’re Engaged” (because engaged people have it soooo hard! sorry… ahem, I of course would have no idea how “difficult” it must be to be engaged, because I’ve never been). Read on and pay attention to the embedded assumption that it’s generally single people who are going to be jealous, and it’s all because they are single and wish they weren’t: (more…)
Onely at the Doctor August 16, 2008Posted by Onely in As If!, Everyday Happenings, Singled Out.
Tags: being single, shots!, value of a life
Last week when I went to the doctor to make sure I didn’t have strep and after the doc agreed that my throat looked “like it hurt” (duh!), she tried to convince me to get updated on my shots. I was (irrationally, I’ll admit) reluctant, especially because I figured I was in enough pain as it is, but she tried to convince me anyway. Here’s how the conversation transpired: (more…)
Food for Thought! SINGLED OUT: Beware! Your Work Won’t Love You Back (An Academic’s Take) August 13, 2008Posted by Onely in book review, Food for Thought, Reviews, Singled Out.
Tags: academia, academic work, being married in academia, being single, bella depaulo, career choices, childless, reader comments, single in academia, your work won't love you back
DePaulo, Bella. Singled Out, How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2006
(This is an ongoing exploration of Singled Out, continued from an earlier post)
In Chapter 7 of Singled Out, DePaulo debunks the myth that if single women spend too much time focused on a career and/or in school, they will miss out on all the ‘good’ partners out there, and that being career-minded means “slogging through ‘the trenches of corporate solitude’” instead of “gleefully and triumphantly crashing through the glass ceiling” (136). (more…)
Sick and Onely August 12, 2008Posted by Onely in Food for Thought.
Tags: being single, nasty colds, odwalla, sex and the city episode, single and sick
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I haven’t posted for a few days because I have been sick and miserable (thanks C for taking up the slack!), and when I emailed Christina to let her know that I wouldn’t be posting yesterday, she reminded me of the Sex and the City episode where Samantha is sick with the flu and, in C’s words, “bemoans not having anyone (man) to take care of her.” C also noted that the episode is “the ONLY time I ever saw Samantha bemoan not having a ‘relationship.’” In my current state of nastiness, I’m almost tempted to agree. (more…)
Onely as Feminist Resistance July 26, 2008Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Essay review, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Reviews, Singled Out.
Tags: adrienne rich, being single, capitalism, compulsory heterosexuality, feminism, friendships between women, lesbian existence, male control, resistance, single and happy
I recently finished an essay by Adrienne Rich entitled “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,” which is old in terms of publication date (1980) but new – brand new – to me. Rich’s primary argument is directed against feminist scholars who deny, ignore and/or marginalize the fact of lesbian existence, but she also mentions other ”facts” of female existence – such as living alone and/or single – that have also been ignored in the face of what she calls “compulsory heterosexuality.” (more…)
Friendship, Being Onely, and Being Female July 22, 2008Posted by Onely in Food for Thought.
Tags: being single, feminism, friendship, place, single and happy, time, women
In an earlier post, Christina wrote about how she had been ”thinking about how so often we measure the passage of time in units of relationships, marriages, and children” and went on to point out some of the many other markers we could use to “measure” and “value” what we’ve done in our individual lives. This post keeps making its way back into my mind because one of the most important markers, for me, has been and continues to be the handful of close female friends I have made and kept even while moving from place to place over the last 10 years or so. (more…)
Procrastination, Filth, and Flowers July 16, 2008Posted by Onely in Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities.
Tags: america's next top model, being single, cleaning, fire escapes, flowers, ions, plants, procrastination, single and happy
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All week I have been simultaneously looking forward to, preparing for, and putting off a major cleaning and thorough organization of my living quarters. This tension between starting and stopping, beginning and pausing, always occurs. If I were responsible to/for anyone else, I am sure this habit would become a major annoyance, maybe even a deal-breaker. But I’m not. I am Onely. Here’s how the process unfolded this time [a bit elongated because my summertime-school schedule allows me to extend the process]: (more…)