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Can Couples Advocate for Singles’ Rights? December 30, 2012

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Take action, Your Responses Requested!.
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18 comments

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For more than four years now, Lisa and I have spent a good deal of time objecting, advocating, railing, protesting, blathering, and even (to our shame) name-calling, all in the name of singles’ rights. We’ve been doing it every since we realized that, at the time, all pro-singles writing said it was GREAT to be happily single, but only because it made you more appealing so you could get a mate.

Lisa and I, two single women in our 30s, thought that was stupid. What if, we proposed, it was great to be happily single, period?  We were both happy, and single, and didn’t care whether we’d find a mate or not. So we started this blog, which has since been quoted or cited in several major print and online publications (and I say that only as an example of how vehemently we pushed our topic in people’s faces). 

Our question to you, Copious Readers, is: would we, could we, have ever had the same revelation–and the same work ethic–if one or both of us had been coupled? Or by extension, can a coupled/married person ever advocate for singles’ rights as passionately, accurately, or extensively  as an unmarried or socially single person? If yes, under what circumstances? If no, why not?

By singles’ rights, we mean that the U.S. government ought to stop discriminating against half its adult populace. We call this institutionalized singlism.

By singles’ rights, we also mean that people–regular people like you and Lisa and me–need to recognize that it’s not acceptable to treat single people like losers in the game of life. (“You’re not married yet? Awww.”) We call this cultural singlism. Examples are all over this blog and all over the blog of social scientist Bella DePaulo whom I linked to above, so I’m not going to retell the stories here. (I will give you some keywords though: Immature. Selfish. Desperate. Cats. Dead. Eaten by.)

Onely’s opinion is that anyone, aaaaaanyone, with an open-minded, critical-thinking type of brain, plus a (more…)

Some Like It Single: Rachel’s Musings March 6, 2009

Posted by Onely in Some Like It Single.
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5 comments

Welcome to our newest series, Some Like It Single, where we’ll be profiling (relatively) small, independent blogs that are dedicated to exploring what it means to be “single” in American culture and, we hope, around the world.

We chose Rachel’s Musings as a starting point for this series not only because Rachel’s been mulling over and fighting against singlism for longer than we have (dob: May 2007), but because we admire her thoughtful posts and sharp eye. We regularly get heads-up and talking points from her about interesting topics or actions to take, such as advocating for single’s rights through Credo (Christina’s phone company too, yay!), or the federally-funded campaign to promote marriage, or her recent awesome discovery of Facebook groups that dislike the pre-set “relationship status” options on the site (see comments section).

Here’s what Rachel has to say about why she’s motivated to maintain the blog:

My blog was intended as an outlet for my ideas, a place to reflect on what I was reading, and overall a counterweight to my corporate job with its golden handcuffs and lack of intellectual challenge. The primary driving force behind the blog is my observation that matrimania in our society is creating a lot of pain and that our focus on The One is destroying community. These musings include ramblings on religion and the capitalist system since both seem connected to heteronormativity. How isn’t exactly clear to me – yet.  Hopefully, I will gain some clarity through blogging and also by interacting with more and more readers. The other reason for my blog is a strong activist streak – fighting singlism wherever I see it and thus raising consciousness about how singles are considered less than full adults.

(more…)

Onely becomes Invaluable! January 28, 2009

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Everyday Happenings, Reviews.
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2 comments

Onely thanks the Alternatives to Marriage Project for including us on their list of “blogs that are frequently updated and invaluable“.  Lisa and I appreciate the affirmation in a time when we struggle to post regularly, fighting the constant assault of jobs and school (and, uh, Facebook).  

So check out AtMP’s blog, where you can read about singlism issues and advocacy. See how they took the innovative and caffeinated step of sending chocolates to some judges who declared that an unmarried sex offender is not necessarily scarier than a married one!  (Goes to show that Bush’s problem was not enough people sent him positive-reinforcement treats. “Good boy.”)

–CC and L (now with rather big heads)

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