MEA CULPA: Onely Commits Couplism February 18, 2009Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities, Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought.
Tags: couplism, nintendo, scottish society of paranormal investigation and analysis, singlism, SSPIA, wii
Bless me, Copious Readers, for I have sinned. I have committed egregious acts of couplism and heteronormativity, of the kind that we here at Onely love to decry and make fun of when they are committed against us.
A security officer at my work, whom I knew to be divorced, was telling me about how his daughters got a Nintendo Wii for Christmas and how they spent his day off playing with it. I made some comment about how his girls won’t want to go home now–because I was assuming that they were staying at his house on vacation and lived with their mom the rest of their time. He corrected me right quick, saying “No, actually I have custody.” Um.
Now I wonder why I assumed otherwise? It is because I have divorced male friends whose children live with their moms? Or it is because I’ve been conditioned somehow to think of the father as the first to fall out of the nuclear unit when a separation occurs, either because of the stereotype of deadbeat dads, or because of exposure to court systems that tend to think, in their own sexist way, that moms are inherently better for kids? My point is that awareness is learned, not instinctive, and we (ok, I) have to actively question not only other people’s prejudices, but our own.
And to continue the confessional: I have several times refrained from telling some of my coupled friends about Onely because I think to myself, “Oh, they won’t care, they’re not single.” Well, what if one of my friends had a blog about being married, and didn’t tell me about it because I’m single? In that case, I would cry SINGLISM! So it’s only fair that I call myself out on my couplism here.
Granted, a marginalized group (singles) can usually understand the perspective of a mainstream group (coupleds) better than the mainstream can understand the marginalized–for instance, I can read a blog about being black, but I won’t really ever “get” it in the way a black person would. But singlism isn’t racism and I shouldn’t assume my coupled friends are uninterested in or unable to understand Onely just because of their relationship status.
Ok Copious Readers, now it’s your turn–what acts of Heteronormativity or Couplism have you committed?