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Remind Obama About Singles’ Issues November 12, 2008

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought.
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Copious Readership,

Let me draw your attention to Singletude, a positive blog for singles. Singletude has an excellent post about how Barack Obama’s diversity-focused rhetoric doesn’t seem to be as inclusive of singles as it could be.

 I’ll give just one example here–see the Singletude post itself for more great examples:

I’m going to pick on Obama for a minute simply because he is the favored candidate among the majority of singles. If you visit his web site and view the drop-down menu under “People,” you will see 23 special-interest demographics. One of them must be “Singles,” right? Nope. There are “Arab Americans,” “Rural Americans,” even “Sportsmen.” But no “Singles.”

But the good news is that Obama is flexible and open-minded. I am certain that if a number of Onelies (more…)

Great News for Single Americans! (but you wouldn’t know it if you listened to the news) February 6, 2011

Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys, Singled Out, Singles Resource, We like. . ..
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To the delight of LGBTQS (that stands for lesbian-gay-bi-trans-queer-single) advocates everywhere, federal regulations now require that hospitals must grant all patients, no matter their marital, sexual or religious status, the right to define who they count as “family.”

Thanks to President Obama, the Code of Federal Regulations 42 CFR 482.13(h) and 42 CFR 485(f) requires that all hospitals in the U.S.:

(1) inform each patient of his or her right to receive visitors whom he or she designates, including a domestic partner, (2) do not restrict or limit visitation rights based on sexual orientation and gender identity, among other factors and (3) ensure that all visitors have full and equal visitation rights, consistent with a patient’s wishes. (– Human Rights Campaign)

Whoo hoo! Great news for singles, right? We certainly think so — but you wouldn’t know it if you relied on the media to explain. According to most reports I read, the major stakeholders are lesbian and gay couples. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but … ummm … what about lesbian and gay singles? Or … ahem … what about all singles (asexual, heterosexual, polyamorous, widowed, divorced, whatever).

Singlist media strikes again! Because it completely ignores the remarkably equalizing ramifications – for all Americans – of this new law, it upholds the couple-centric, heteronormative bias that all LGBTQS folk are trying to overcome. So you can see what I mean, let’s examine the following report posted on ABC’s news site shortly after the regulations came into effect: (more…)

Beating a Dead Horse: Or, More on Elena Kagan’s Gay/Single/Unmarried/Lonely Status May 21, 2010

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Heteronormativity, Singled Out.
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Thanks to Copious Reader Rachel A. for calling our attention to this op-ed in The New York Times by one of my favorite columnists, Maureen Dowd. In it, Dowd astutely questions the (gendered) implications of calling a woman (in this case, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan) “single” versus “unmarried.” She writes:

Single carries a connotation of eligibility and possibility, while unmarried has that dreaded over-the-hill, out-of-luck, you-are-finished, no-chance implication. An aroma of mothballs and perpetual aunt.

Men, generally more favored by nature as they age, can be single at all ages. But often, for women, once you’re 40 or 50, or simply beyond childbearing age, you’re no longer single. You’re unmarried — meaning it isn’t your choice to be alone.

Intriguing as this analysis is, Dowd’s primary argument — that calling Kagan “unmarried” instead of “single” carries stereotypically sexist negative connotations — is grounded on the decidedly singlist premise that in order for Kagan to be seen as “young” and “fun,” she must also be seen as “datable” and, more importantly, looking for a romantic relationship. Here’s how Dowd puts it:

Why is there this underlying assumption that Kagan has missed the boat? Why couldn’t she be eager to come to Washington to check out the Obama-era geek-chic bachelors, maybe get set up on a date by Michelle Obama, maybe host some single ladies fiestas with Sonia Sotomayor, maybe even sign up for JDate with a new and improved job status?

(For a more expansive review of similar problems on the media’s “debate” about Elena Kagan’s gay/single/lonely status, you should also check out Bella DePaulo’s posts here and here).

Copious Readers, I’m eager to hear your thoughts!

— Lisa

Right-Wingers: Idiots, or Assholes? April 17, 2010

Posted by Onely in As If!.

I was walking past the giant TV in my office cafeteria and heard some newswoman say, “Conservatives are angry over President Obama’s decision to allow gay couples visitation rights in hospitals. They say it provides rights to gay couples that are not provided to everyone else.”

Sooooo. . . . how about we provide “everyone else” with the right to choose who sees them with tubes in their noses? “Everyone else” including singles?  The newsanchor and the conservative didn’t even bother to follow up with this thought. They just stopped right at “that’s giving gays extra rights”. This just shows how *ensconced* the notion is that  you deserve rights if you’re married (according to liberals and conservatives) OR if you’re in any sort of couple (according to liberals), but not if you’re single.

Just a quick pissy post because I’m in a hurry but felt like venting.


Dear Quirkyalone… Single Role Models August 10, 2009

Posted by Onely in quirkyalone.
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“Dear Quirkyalone: Advice for QuirkyLiving” is a weekly guest column by Lisa and Christina that debuts today on Quirkyalone and will appear every Monday (cross-posted on both sites). When you’re making up your own road map for (quirky)living, you need thoughtful advice. We’re here for you. We welcome your questions; send them on to onely AT onely.org.

Dear Quirkyalone,

Besides Oprah, who is a good model of single living in our culture? —Special K

Dear Special K,

Good question. I think it’s much easier to come up with examples of poor single role models than admirable ones. Momentarily blocked for ideas of my own, I googled “single role models.” Here’s a sampling from the first page of results:

Using Role Models to Succeed With Single Women

Lack of Male Role Models For Young Children From Single-Parent Families

They Were Single Too: 8 Biblical Role Models, by David M. Hoffeditz

“Oh dear,” I thought, “Surely there must have been a few notable singles since John the Baptist?” With Google apparently hijacked by heteronormatives, I was forced to actually search of my own brain for ideas. Here’s a sampling from those results:

Notable Singles Nowadays (more…)

TAKE ACTION: Speak Up For Health Care Reform August 8, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, blog reviews, Everyday Happenings, Singles Resource, Take action.
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1 comment so far

Check out yet another thorough and engaging post from Clever Elsie at Singletude, this time about the upcoming vote on HR 676, a bill supporting a single payer health care system, where we are all covered by ONE taxpayer-funded public source. (Ooh, how very Scandinavian!) As always, Singletude has done her research and explains why she is a fan of this bill. I am a fan of single-payer too, but my reasoning is based more on my gut than my head, so I encourage our Copious Readers to go to Singletude for more details.  (more…)

Some Like It Single: Rachel’s Musings March 6, 2009

Posted by Onely in Some Like It Single.
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Welcome to our newest series, Some Like It Single, where we’ll be profiling (relatively) small, independent blogs that are dedicated to exploring what it means to be “single” in American culture and, we hope, around the world.

We chose Rachel’s Musings as a starting point for this series not only because Rachel’s been mulling over and fighting against singlism for longer than we have (dob: May 2007), but because we admire her thoughtful posts and sharp eye. We regularly get heads-up and talking points from her about interesting topics or actions to take, such as advocating for single’s rights through Credo (Christina’s phone company too, yay!), or the federally-funded campaign to promote marriage, or her recent awesome discovery of Facebook groups that dislike the pre-set “relationship status” options on the site (see comments section).

Here’s what Rachel has to say about why she’s motivated to maintain the blog:

My blog was intended as an outlet for my ideas, a place to reflect on what I was reading, and overall a counterweight to my corporate job with its golden handcuffs and lack of intellectual challenge. The primary driving force behind the blog is my observation that matrimania in our society is creating a lot of pain and that our focus on The One is destroying community. These musings include ramblings on religion and the capitalist system since both seem connected to heteronormativity. How isn’t exactly clear to me – yet.  Hopefully, I will gain some clarity through blogging and also by interacting with more and more readers. The other reason for my blog is a strong activist streak – fighting singlism wherever I see it and thus raising consciousness about how singles are considered less than full adults.


Today… January 20, 2009

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought.
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Barack Obama is really, truly PRESIDENT.

Onely LIKES! We hope for peace and much-needed policy change favoring equality for all human beings.

— L & CC

Antisocial? NOT! January 16, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, single and happy.
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So, a lot of the posts Christina and I make on this site may, for those who don’t know us in “real” time, make us seem slightly antisocial. After all, we don’t like having to be around other people for long periods of time, and even while on vacation must make time to be alone. But let us assure you, we’re not antisocial. We just appreciate our Oneliness!


Singles solicit the President-elect November 19, 2008

Posted by Onely in We like. . ..
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Now that Obama is President-elect (oh the relief!), he has a new site to receive our input. I think you can still go to the site we posted before, but this one seems more current. Tell him that single women voters put him in the White House and remind him to help unmarginalize us. = )

 Hey, all Obama has to do is go up in front of the White House correspondents and say, “You know, the other day I was thinking how many cool, independent, well-rounded, happy single people I know.” Suddenly everyone (well, fifty percent of Americans, anyway) will want to be Onely! Doncha think? 

I don’t have stats on single men voters, sorry, male Copious Readers! -CC

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