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“We prostrate ourselves at love’s portals, anxious for entry, like social strivers waiting at the ropeline outside some exclusive club hoping to gain admission to its plushy chambers, thereby confirming our essential worth and making us interesting to ourselves.”  — Laura Kipnis, Against Love (2003)

Autonomous says: Cats and books don’t grunt or snore.

“It’s taken me years to understand that solitude is the amniotic fluid necessary to nurture creativity, and that my need to be alone is not simply an aberration. I’ve become used to living on my own terms. Even alone, I’m not alone.” –Mindy Lewis, Life Inside.

As soon as I met a man, he would ask me how come I had never been married–in other words–’Prove that you’re not a freak.’ I was always tempted to say I had spent my entire adult life in an insane asylum but, now that I was out, I would start looking.” (Novelist Rona Jaffe, as quoted by Marie Edwards and Eleanor Hoover in The Challenge of Being Single, 17-18)

Singlutionary says: this makes me think of that Dinosaur show from the 80s or 90s where the dad dinosaur came home everyday with his lunchbox and said “Honey, I’m Home!” Uhhhh. I couldn’t be him or his wife, waiting for him all day to hug and kiss him while he comes in the door. Maybe that works for Dinosaurs, but not for me!

Singlutionary says: I honestly think he might be better off reading Onely than watching women suck men’s nuts online.

Lauri says: It’s always been my dream to get on the bachelor, be selected and then turn the guy down. Unfortunately, my breasts aren’t big enough to see this through.

Lori says: And what mother has nails like that with tiny fragile newborn(s) in the home? . . .She IS somewhat monstrous. Breeding eight babies at once? She’s a woman, not a cat.

Singlutionary says: It would all be so simple if I could just accept the status quo on all fronts. I’m sure I’d get some rockin’ wedding presents including maybe *gasp* a yacht? Plus diamonds are forever/a-girls-best-friend. Unfortunately, my best friend is a dog. And I’m against diamond mining.

lori says: CC- your experience reminds me of the old riddle about the young boy who is taken to the emergency room. The doctor on duty says “I can’t treat him, he’s my son,” but the doctor is not the father. Who is the doctor? Our brains are so conditioned to ancient traditionally held roles, that often we don’t automatically assume that the treating physician was the boy’s mother. It will take some time before we adjust to the relative parity achieved, on both sides.
Just as it will take a long time, if ever, for people to stop automatically assuming that a single person is a miserable social recluse, a commitment-phobe, or really deep-down are desperately longing to get married and have babies and get divorced like normal people.


1. Some Like It Single: Singlutionary « Onely: Single and Happy - April 3, 2009

[…] Quote Board […]

2. Samuel Assaad - April 24, 2009

Being happy with yourself first and foremost is what will drive you to help this world and make it a better place. Finding someone who makes you better is a great thing which should be cherished and can only be formed with commitment; But if your partner makes you worst off (which happens more often than not), take yourself as far away from the relationship as you can, be single, be only, to find the special part of yourself they made you lose (or give up). Just because I havent found who “makes me better”, doesnt mean i won’t, but my life doesn’t revolve around it. You have to be whole, before you can start to give someone new & special your better half.

3. charry santiago - May 16, 2009

nice message..HI

4. Tamara - August 13, 2009

I have never wanted marriage, from age nine, I realized that it might prevent fun. After my divorce, I became more determined to eschew societal (read: family) pressure and live my life as a staunch singleton.

Sometimes I am popular, other times, not so much. Most times I spend moments in egoic martydom, wondering why I have a great life but no boyfriend? The rest of those times (between grad school and career) I listen to my married/coupled friends tell me how lucky I am. They are correct.

So I will continue to drink my lattes’, whirl around in my convertible, walk my adorable dogs, and enjoy.

Mike - August 5, 2017

Ha! I wonder why I can’t find a great girl! Society is so screwed up these days that good people often cannot seem to find one another. So many egotistical types who think the world is all about them, taking advantage of decent folks in a “marriage” that hardly resembles what marriage is supposed to be.

Leaving an abusive “marriage” was the best move I could have made, with the exception of the fact it also meant breaking the “family” home and children being mostly with one (former) spouse vs coming up in a two-parent environment. Being single is tough sometimes but being in a terrible marriage where you’re being financially, emotionally, and physically abused is tough every day that you stay in that relationship. I’ll point out that men aren’t the only ones who physically assault their spouses…the problem of unprovoked domestic violence against men in the U.S. is very real.

At any rate… Enjoying a nice cup of coffee on this unseasonably cool August morning, and finally coming to accept and even revel in my singleness after over six years as a divorced man. I had wanted marriage and family all of my life. Now in my mid forties, I’ve pretty much given up on finding someone and am beginning to see the blessings of singleness. Freedom is wonderful!

In just a few years, I’ll be living on a patch of land…on my own terms…with no commitments, no obligations, and no one to tell me what I can and cannot do (within obvious bounds of the law.)

5. happy go onely - March 24, 2010

“Blankets never say the wrong thing.” — Jana

6. Jasmin - May 3, 2010

It’s so relaxing being single, lol!

7. TrUsodory - May 26, 2010

Hi guys,

My name is John and I am from Stirling in the United Kingdom. I have recently discovered this forum and I like it very much.
I am a little bit shy so I will not write much about me but maybe when I will get confortable, you guys will get to know me better!
My main hobbies are astrology and watching movies. I also like outdoor activites but the temperature has been horrible for the last days or so here in Stirling.

I was wondering if anyone else here is from the united Kingdom too?

I am glad to have joined this forum!


PS: Sorry if this was posted in the wrong section. I could not find the right one!

Onely - May 26, 2010

Thanks John–This is as good a place to post as any. = ) You bring up a good point–We don’t really have a “general” comment forum, but rather people comment on individual posts. A general forum might not be a bad idea at all. Not sure if we have any regular readers from the U.K. I know we have some from Australia and India! We appreciate your feedback and look forward to hearing from you again.
Christina (and Lisa)

8. kaite/kathrin - July 22, 2010

hello, i came across this neat site from the blog titled Singletude. i have a rare bounty of poisitive single-person focused quotations that i’ve personally been jotting down from various books i have read over the years. i do have all of the names of the first person who said this so if you do choose to use the quote (or more than one) somewhere else on the web please acknowledge the person’s name who first said this. thanks for being compassionate. these quotes I am proud to share them with you:

“It is the individual in stillness who constitutes the meaning of the world.” – C.J. Jung

“It’s not being alone/single that makes us unhappy, it’s the way we relate to our own aloneness that is the problem.” How we relate to what we are experiencing the thing in itself is never the problem, it’s instead always the way we relate/ think/associate with it that burdens us.” -Ajahn Brahm

“Unlike Madame Bouverie you don’t chase the glittering life, you lay a trap for it. You tunnel up from the bottom. You do need a quiet, private, personal aggression….a refusal to take singleness lying down.” Pg. 9-10 in the book Sex and the Single Girl by Helen Gurley-Brown.

“Why are you breaking down, incidentally? I mean if you’re able to go into a collapse with all you’re might, why can’t you use the same energy to stay well and busy?”- Zooey pg 166-167 from J.D. Salinger’s book Franny & Zooey

“I used to think that love was an extra-a spice that made life more fulfilling for some. It occours to me now that it’s dangerous, that who has it and who loses it decide the course of the world.” pg 209 from the book Tolstoy Lied: A Love Story by R. Kadish

“let go of the idea that someone else can make your life wonderful. Your happiness is in your own hands; that’s the safest place for it to be.” pg 38 from the book Living Alone & Loving It by Barbara Feldon.

Onely - July 25, 2010

Thanks K/K! You just increased our quote board by about 200%. = ) I found the Tolstoy one especially interesting (but then again, he *is* Tolstoy).


9. roberta - December 9, 2010

what is going on…most men are hunters…time and time again I hear women say…they haven’t founf someone …or…when they find someone…if they just look around and notice…men are generally hunters…we just got to get ready…but really be determined to live..breath…pursue goals..even purposely hide …because u r being hunted…don’t make it easy…divert them…then the best will come..what is up with throwing away the old schoolhouse rules…date yes…no physical contact…when he asks u to be girlfriend…then of couse aa kiss..hold hands…but watch it…he ain’t committed to u yet…then after you are going out…engaged…then the big day when u may now reeally kiss the bride!!!…why are women giving out free milk…why would a man buy a cow that he gets free milk from…and if a woman is trying to win a man…she does a good act with the sex field….but after marriage…that winsome work is over…come on…men do the same thing…what about sex used after vows to consummate the union?…THEN show all the emotion and love stored up during courting days…when the honeypot was getting filled up…isn’t it like looking at christmas presents ahead of the day…we are loosing…old schoolhouse rocks…that is why they stayed together for like FOREVER…(OK…70 years!)going out stage (not the dating stage) your able to practice seeing how u get along doing dishes at mom’s or anyone’s house…do laundry together…to see how it is for communication in ALL ROOMS…make sure ur not alone too much at all..what?think ur holier than the angels before they became fallen angels or adam and eve?…oh…ok..deny there is a GOD…what about the stats when it comes to shacking up then marrying?…how’s that working for them?..everybody doing it the way they want..or what feels right…if u do that with a car instead of reading the manual…problems…could cause accidents…pain for all involved in picture…the book of life (Bible…another word for ‘books’)may have insight

Cupcake - November 4, 2012

I know a lot of women who have slept with their boyfriends even before engagement and they are married. Believe it or not, some women like to have sex.

10. Kelis - April 22, 2011

IJWTS wow! Why can\’t I think of tihgns like that?

11. carolyn h - December 31, 2011

I love being single. The only thing I “miss” is all the gifts married people get–valentine’s day jewelry, mother’s day flowers, anniversary presents. I’d enjoy getting the presents.

12. Cecil Rohe - March 14, 2012

Because something doesn’t do everything you planned it to accomplish does not imply it’s useless.
Business, that’s easily defined – it’s other’s money.

13. Terry t - November 29, 2012

The best thing about being single is coming home after a minor fender bender to total calm. And remaining that way, because to me it was a non-event. The dog was totally unconcerned.

14. Terry t - November 29, 2012

Having totally missed the point of the of the singlutionary best applies to me.

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