Onely.Org

My Love Reminder! or, the origins of Onely July 8, 2008

Oh, karma. A year ago my boyfriend broke up with me for the second time, when he discovered that I’d been dating someone else–while we were broken up the first time. At the time of that second breakup, I was not in a very Onely place and I actually–shudder–tried to apologize by sending him flowers from FTD! Not long afterward, I managed to scrape together the remnants of my pride and reason, and I moved on to Oneliness. Until. (There’s always an until, isn’t there?)

Apparently when I ordered from FTD in my groveling panic, I neglected to uncheck some auto-notification box or another. As a result, the following cringe-inducing note and name popped into in my mailbox a year after my failed flower grovel:  

Greetings Christina,

As you requested, we are reminding you that Rxxxx Rxxxx deserves a special something from you on June 28th.

Make the day a memorable one with 15% off our most popular Love & Romance Flowers and Gifts. You’ll find the perfect gift for this or any occasion at FTD.com.

Never forget another special occasion! Add or edit your Reminder Schedule.

Bleargh! In order to edit my Reminder Schedule, I have to log in. But I don’t know my FTD login information. So I’m doomed for all eternity to keep receiving annual reminders of my pathetic prostrations at the door of faux-love. Save yourselves! Boycott FTD! Or if you must shop there, at least uncheck the stupid box!

On the up side, when I called Lisa to tell her this alarming tale, what began as a philosophical discussion about society’s innate–and often self-destructive–preference for coupledom over singledom evolved into Onely.  –CC