jump to navigation

Single? Blogfest Explains How to Get Screwed 1,000 Times! April 15, 2013

Posted by Onely in As If!, Bad Onely Activities, Food for Thought, Guest Bloggers, Guest Posts, Marital Status Discrimination, Singled Out, Singles Resource, Take action, Your Responses Requested!.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Screen Shot 2013-01-15 at 11.43.08 PMMarital Status Discrimination: Today, Onely joins forces with dozens of other bloggers to highlight the problem of Marital Status Discrimination. Why? Because on Tax Day, Uncle Sam picks the pockets of singles at the same time he’s rewarding couples for getting married.

So what? So this: The U.S. government–a democratic government, a government “By the People and For the People” and all that–discriminates against fifty percent of its population: unmarried people. Our federal code alone contains over 1,000 laws where marital status is a factor, and in most cases single people lose out.

Because this phenomenon was a problem with no name, we at Onely christened it “institutionalized” Marital Status Discrimination. In January we made a big slam-dunk stink about it in The Atlantic.

The Million-Dollar Difference: According to our very conservative and basic calculations, a single person earning $80,000/year could easily pay at least a million dollars more over her lifetime than her married counterpart, based on only a few of the most discriminatory laws (such as Income Tax, IRAs, and Social Security).

What’s more, our hypothetical scenarios did not consider state laws, nor the many ways Marital Status Discrimination shows up in corporate policies–such as when singles pay more for all sorts of insurance. These factors could easily push the million-dollar figure higher. Much higher.

But money isn’t everything:  That’s why our government has thoughtfully provided other laws that don’t impact single people’s pocketbooks. These laws instead impact single people’s peace of mind. For example, as we described in 2010 on Psychology Today, an anti-stalking law promises protection to the victim’s spouse. Phew! But a single person being stalked is offered no such additional protection for a loved ones.

Any stalker who does his research (and we imagine this is all of them) would know exactly whom his stalkee loves most. R.I.P. Grandma; if only you had married your grandson maybe there would have been cops by your door when his stalker came calling. . .

The U.S. Government thinks being unmarried means: a life free of connections and cares, and full of discretionary spending. Unfortunately, even if this were true (and we at Onely fervently wish it were), no society is at its best when half its members are treated differently from the other half.

So let’s get started obliterating Marital Status Discrimination! Our first step is to. . uh. . . We will start by. . . ahem. . . Our next move should be. . . um. . .  Well, as you can see, while we at Onely are skilled at pointing out these problems, we aren’t so sure what we should do next.

So, Copious Readers, here’s where we need your help: Now that we’ve gotten the dialog started, what do you think our “next steps” should be? How do you think we should take action (and by “we,” we mean the collective blogosphere standing up for single people everywhere)? What subject matter experts are best positioned to spread the word or propose legislative change? Do you know tax professionals or legislators friendly to our cause? (Or can you convince them to embrace our cause?)

Please share your insights and spread the word: Comment below. Or tweet #UnmarriedEquality and #SinglesBlogfest. Or share this article on Facebook!

If you have more questions about Singles Blogfest, please write to Onely@onely.org or to contact.clue@gmail.com. Huh? Clue? Yes:

The Communication League for Unmarried Equality (CLUE):

We at Onely were not the only ones who instigated this effort. We were honored to have had lots of help from three of the most active voices in the progressive singles’ movement, who jumped on board the Singles Blogfest project with unparalleled enthusiasm and expertise:

Bella DePaulo (Ph.D., Harvard), author of Singled Out and the “Living Single” blog at Psychology Today (belladepaulo@gmail.com)

Eleanore Wells, blogger and author of The Spinsterlicious Life (Eleanore@TheSpinsterliciousLife.com)

Cindy Butler, of Unmarried Equality  (cbutler@unmarried.org)

Thanks Copious Readers, We Love You!

–Christina Campbell and Lisa A. of Onely.org, (pronounced wun-lee), a blog that challenges stereotypes about singles (Onely@onely.org)

Photo Credit: The Atlantic.com

Single With Attitude: A Compendium of Singles’ Blogs January 2, 2012

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Great Onely Activities.

Do you like Onely’s perspectives on single life but think we don’t post often enough? Do you find yourself desperately needing your progressive-singlehood fix, but none of the super-singles blogs you regularly read have anything new up, because their authors are too busy watching five straight hours of Breaking Bad on Netflix (an example just off the top of my head and not based in any way on any actual blog authors living or dead)?

Never fear! Just go to the new compendium of enlightened singles’ blogs at Single with Attitude, a site set up by singles scholar Bella DePaulo. Fresh posts from the different blogs feed to the top of the page–posts from Onely and other sites you may know from our blog roll, and posts from new voices you may discover you like.

Check it out.


Singles: Spread the Love this Valentine’s Day February 12, 2011

Posted by Onely in single and happy, Singles Resource, Some Like It Single.
Tags: , , , , ,

To Our Copious Readers,

We’ll be the first to admit it: There is no holiday that we feel less enthused about than Valentine’s Day. As bloggers to the single-and-happy population, we’re pretty sure that our readers feel the same.

And yet, precisely because we represent a population that is targeted and often excluded from the holiday, Christina and I face an annual dilemma: What are we supposed to write when it comes to Valentine’s Day?

Do we write about how we simply don’t care about it? Do we compose a brilliant critique of pop culture that illuminates, once and for all, how the holiday is just an overblown, matrimaniacal attempt to generate money for businesses who could care less about “love”? Or should we just ignore the holiday – since, after all, we could care less about it, and giving it our attention seems only to feed into the nasty heteronormative cycle we work so hard to resist?

We’ve vacillated amongst the “best” possible approaches: In past years, we’ve critiqued couples events, renamed the holiday (LGTOWAQAP Day for short), featured the quintessential anti-valentine, Death Bear, and even polled our readers for what we should do about this small annoyance. But this year, we’ve decided to do something different. We thought: So Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, right? Who says it has to be romantic, couple-centric love? Why can’t we redefine what we mean by Valentine’s love and instead take this opportunity to “Spread the Love” we feel as bloggers within an ever-expanding and vocal pro-singles movement?

So, in the spirit of “Spreading the Love,” we are featuring six excellent pro-single, pro-happy blogs below that were, until recently, unknown to us. We hope you, our Copious Readers, will not only peruse these blogs with an open mind, but that you’ll also build on our list by promoting your favorite single-and-happy blogs in the comments below, especially if we don’t know about them! Please, also, “Spread the Love” by sharing this post with your friends, family, and strangers (it’ll be up all week)! 😉

Cheers – and have fun spreading the singles’ love this LGTOWAQAP DAY!

— Lisa (and Christina)

Josie Speaks Up

In Her Words: I started my blog for several reasons. One, to clarify how I feel about a range of issues, including being a recent (youngish) widow, and how I am surviving – and maybe even thriving- in my new circumstances. I also wanted to be a voice for anyone else out there in similar circumstances.

I have been amazed by the support I’ve received in the blogosphere from other bloggers, followers and readers. It has made me brave enough to reveal the real me and not worry too much that I really don’t fit into anything that resembles “‘normal.” I’ve also enjoyed reading and following other people’s blogs and knowing that we all share some common experiences. So my goals as a blogger are to dare to keep on expressing how I feel, and how I’m coping, or not.

I believe my blog promotes the Onely mindset by acknowledging that it can be tricky and trying being single in our world but also trying to embrace what is great about my world right now. When I first started blogging (I laugh because it wasn’t long ago), Onely was a blog I started following almost immediately, as I thought it offered a fresh, hopeful perspective and visiting there gave me courage to start my own blog while allowing myself to be open and transparent about how I feel.

Why We Love Her: Josie’s perspective is so important to the singles’ blogosphere – her experience as a young widow is not often heard, and yet it represents an experience shared by many. Plus, she’s a wonderful writer and has an adorable dog!

Book of Blue and Planet Waves (by Eric Francis Coppolino)

In His Words: Eric Francis Coppolino, founder and editor of Planet Waves, is a professional astrologer and journalist. A pioneer in the field of new planet discoveries, he has worked with clients and written about astrology for wide audiences since 1995. “The Worlds of Eric Francis,” his first homepage, was one of the first astrology sites on the Internet.

Eric is currently exploring the concept is selfsex so good that it’s worth making it as good as possible. Basically, sexual selfrelating with the realm of a Onely relationship, with emotional vulnerability. I document this in photos; solo, couples, different arrangements of people. There is mirrorgazing alone or with others; and there is masturbation companionship — onely people who get together creating companionship with pleasure sans the intense bond. I have a vision for friends to do this together over a phase of time, taking an m.celibacy journey together. I describe healing processes associated with this mudra, unraveling, setting oneself free. It may be a single article in the first go, for Valentine’s day, and some pictures.

Why We Love Him: Eric brings a much-needed perspective on non-traditional perspectives on sexuality and erotica (especially polyamory and self-love) that we at Onely haven’t discussed. But we think these are pertinent issues to being single and happy (his other blog, Planet Waves,  features other subjects and other authors, too), so we hope you’ll take a look around.

Pink Kisses

In Amy’s and Ellie’s Words: The Pink Kisses girls believe that being in a mediocre relationship is NOT better than being single; in fact, we encourage every girl to spend a stretch of time being purposefully unattached and focus on whatever fulfills her and makes her happy, be it her career, creative pursuits, travel, education, or whatever else leads to her own self-discovery and builds her confidence and self-esteem.  We’re not anti-men or anti-relationships by any means; but we make a point of encouraging girls not to settle for less than they deserve — true contentment in life.  We’re all about dream-chasing, goal-setting and doing the impossible.  In fact, we see all of those things (combined with a dash of adventure) as the very best way to live… and when it comes to past relationships, we believe that moving on is absolutely the best revenge.

Why We Love Them: We usually don’t promote for-profit sites on Onely, but these ladies maintain an amazing (and free) blog that is well-written and empowers women to find ways to shed heteronormative behavior and live happy-and-single lives. Plus, the products they offer (emails, chocolates, text messages, and – my favorite – FREE “burn his photo” e-cards) actually rock.

Hope Leslie Single (if you don’t get the joke, say it out loud!)

In Her Words: Hope Leslie Single is a thirty-five year old freelance writer and blogger living in San Francisco, CA who has been single nine years. She rarely dates, though not by choice. Though her blog, she dissects her thoughts on attraction, dating, love, sex, men, race, (interracial) relationships, and society while exploring the nature of single-hood and learning to fully accept and improve her own life as a single woman. And while the obvious goal of her blog would be to overcome any personal or societal hurdles that may keep her from finding a committed, monogamous relationship with a man, her ultimate goal is to simply be peaceful and content; loving herself fully in order to live happily and healthily – relationship or no relationship.

Why We Love Her: Subtitle Reads: “She’s Single as Hell, and She’s Not Going to Take It Anymore” – what’s not to love about that?

Off the Market and In the Moment

In Her Words: It’s official. I am off the market for a year. Flipped the “switch” to the off position. This cab is not picking up passengers. For those of you still not understanding, this means no trying to find or getting into a relationship for the next 365 days. To clarify, the moral of this year-long mission is two-fold: 1-to break the detrimental relationship habit of trying too hard and subsequently losing myself, and 2-to take a step back so as to keep from looking back. Because when I started thinking about how much time I invest while dating someone, and then analyzing and re-analyzing (and re-analyzing) after the door to our future shuts, and THEN wondering when Cupid would look kindly on me again, I finally realized that I was missing my own moment. So here I am virtually shouting from the no-access rooftop of my walk-up building in the East Village (which is, of course, located next to a porn store): I am a 25-year-old single living in one of the greatest cities in the world!

But more importantly, the focus of the year is to get out of my head and away from my heart long enough to secure the foundation for that fun-loving, confident, doesn’t have a care in the world girl that I lose every time I get what I think I’m looking for.

How does Onely fit in? Well, Onely promotes what I’m in the process of discovering: the pleasures of singledom and finding the joy in every moment, despite your relationship status. I just hope that OTMITM (my blog) will help others realize the same-as well as know they aren’t alone in their journey!

Why We Love Her: We just discovered Off the Market Girl and, although we’ve missed half of the journey (unless, of course, she decides she loves being single so much that she stays that way), we think OTMG’s “experiment” raises awareness (that – duh – singles are happy) but it won’t scare off all those heteronormaholes we can’t quite get through to (I mean, it’s “only” a year, right?).

Singlutionary (She’s Back! And We’re So Excited!)

In Her Words: I am an expert at being single. Oh, I’ve been that single girl who did everything a desperate, horny, lovesick loser does. And I lived to tell about it. Now, I strive to live a happy, healthy, pity-free life and I seek to share my love for single (and desperation free) living with the world. I am also a creator of postcards, realtor, homeowner, graduate student, former actor and a jackass of all trades.

When I began Singlutionary, I was in desperate need of catharsis. I was driven to reconstruct singleness in my life and in my blog from something horrible and lonely and pitiful to something joyful and perfect and whole. At the time, I didn’t have many single friends and the ones I did have were always calling me for sex and dating advice and then asking me why I wasn’t in a relationship. It was fairly awful. The only conversations I had were about single friend’s dating lives and married friend’s marital problems. I was bored and frustrated. But through writing Singlutionary and discovering other wonderful pro-single bloggers, I was able to find a community of people who were single and happy about it — like myself.

Now that I no longer battle any self-doubt in regards to being single, I no longer feel the desperate need to write and so I post less often. Onely does an excellent job of pointing out the political and social stigma that single people face around the world. For my part, I’ll just entertain. I was a miserable single for almost all of my 20s — and so I strive to be the voice that would have comforted me during that time when I felt isolated and alienated and annoyed. I found great comfort and peace in joining this community of thoughtful and engaging singles committed to eliminating singlism and I hope that others will too.

Why We Love Her: She’s funny, articulate, and has been one of our most vocal compatriots in the blogging world. She took a blogging break for a while, but we wanted to feature her here because – look out world – the Singlution is BACK.

Extra Extra — Singles News!

Seeking Happily Ever After (the documentary) is now available on demand and digitally. Check here for more info. Congrats to Michelle Cove!

Some Like It Single: QuirkyEconomist! May 8, 2009

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Some Like It Single.
Tags: , , , , , ,
add a comment

images2Welcome to the latest installment in our new series, Some Like It Single, where we profile (relatively) small, independent blogs dedicated to exploring what it means to be “single” in American culture and, we hope, around the world.

Today we are looking at QuirkyEconomist. She  describes herself as “a happily single woman simply informed, but not determined, by the fact that I am also an economist“.  How do those two things intersect, you might ask? QE explains:

Economists see the world as a series of choices and we identify the costs and benefits of all the alternatives, but we try to remain neutral (i.e., non-judgmental) about the choices people actually make.

In one post QE provides a small compendium of links to other economists who link love with market fluctuations and even–be still my nerdish heart–game theory! She decries the image of economists as heartless number-crunchers (“children as investment goods”) and points out examples of how dating is not that different from the free market.   

Although as of her 5 April post, she was not actually single in the “uncoupled” sense, she continues to embrace the Onely/QuirkyAlone/Singlutionary mindset. That means she won’t pursue a relationship just to be in a relationship, and also that she supports (to use QuirkyEconomist’s words)

“everyone’s right to be happy being whatever the heck they want to be, without other people making a bunch of assumptions about them.” (more…)

%d bloggers like this: