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You Don’t Know Onely August 2, 2010

Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought.
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There’s a lot that you don’t know about Onely. And by “you”, we don’t mean YOU, our loyal Copious Readers, but rather the occasional reader who happens upon or hears about this site and thinks she grasps the concept of singles’ rights advocacy–but doesn’t. Despite our best efforts to write clearly and simply so that even heteronormaholes can understand Oneliness, there is always That Person who asks, “So, why are you so bitter at men?” or “Why don’t you like married people?” or “So you plan on being single forever then?” or, most bizarre, “Why do you hate children?”

So here we have listed and addressed these misconceptions (again). Eventually some of the items may hyperlink to future posts containing more detail (and/or ranting). Feel free to add to the list!

Common Misconceptions (CMs) about The Onely Creed

1. CM: We hate marriage or married people.

REALITY: Actually we just hate that marriage is overprivileged in our laws and culture.

2. CM: We hate children.

REALITY: Children are fine (baby showers, not so much). And not wanting our own kids might even help us enjoy other kids even more.

3a. CM: We hate men.

REALITY: Well, ok, sometimes we do hate men. But only the ones who deserve it.

3b. CM: We hate women.

REALITY: See 3a 🙂

4. CM:  We intend to be single the rest of our lives and have written off all possibility of a Seepie relationship evermore.

REALITY: We may or may not be single for the rest of our lives. We don’t really care either way.  PLONK PLONK PLONK PLONK! (What’s that, you ask? Oh, it’s the sound of heteronormaholes all over the world falling out of their chairs.)

5. CM: Singlism means advocating for singles in a good way, because it ends with Ism.

REALITY: Singlism means discrimination against singles in a bad way, because it ends with Ism. We know that not only heteronormaholes make this mistake, so we offer this handy mnemonic to help our readers remember: “Singlism is ABIAIRAOSNAIF”. Singlism is a bad Ism, as in Racism, Ageism, or Sexism, not as in Feminism.

6. CM: Singles’ advocates think Singlism is as destructive as racism. It’s not, so we should just shut up.

REALITY: We know that singlism is not as destructive as racism. Schoolyard bullying is not as bad as murder, but does that mean we should ignore schoolyard bullying?

7. CM: You can call yourself Onely just because you’re single.

REALITY: If you’re single and you are constantly searching for validation from people who are in your “dating pool” (men if you’re a hetero woman, women if you’re a lesbian, men if you’re a gay man … etc. etc. — you get the picture), then you are not Onely, and please don’t call yourself Onely, because it gives us the willies.

–Christina and Lisa

Photo Credit: Move the Clouds

Tag-team Blogging March 24, 2009

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, We like. . ..
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tagWhen I told a friend of mine about Onely, he said, “Does anyone ever mention how funny it is that there are two of you writing a blog together about being single?” No, no one ever does. In fact (says Christina), the irony hadn’t even occurred to Lisa or I until that friend of mine mentioned it.

And it is ironic–on the surface. While Lisa and I are jumping up and down on our respective couches yelling about the benefits of solo living, behind the scenes we’re running Onely sort of like a marriage: we are a small team, bound together through common interests and goals, but also through logistics (shared copyrights and creative license, server bills, etc).   (more…)

Some Like It Single: Rachel’s Musings March 6, 2009

Posted by Onely in Some Like It Single.
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Welcome to our newest series, Some Like It Single, where we’ll be profiling (relatively) small, independent blogs that are dedicated to exploring what it means to be “single” in American culture and, we hope, around the world.

We chose Rachel’s Musings as a starting point for this series not only because Rachel’s been mulling over and fighting against singlism for longer than we have (dob: May 2007), but because we admire her thoughtful posts and sharp eye. We regularly get heads-up and talking points from her about interesting topics or actions to take, such as advocating for single’s rights through Credo (Christina’s phone company too, yay!), or the federally-funded campaign to promote marriage, or her recent awesome discovery of Facebook groups that dislike the pre-set “relationship status” options on the site (see comments section).

Here’s what Rachel has to say about why she’s motivated to maintain the blog:

My blog was intended as an outlet for my ideas, a place to reflect on what I was reading, and overall a counterweight to my corporate job with its golden handcuffs and lack of intellectual challenge. The primary driving force behind the blog is my observation that matrimania in our society is creating a lot of pain and that our focus on The One is destroying community. These musings include ramblings on religion and the capitalist system since both seem connected to heteronormativity. How isn’t exactly clear to me – yet.  Hopefully, I will gain some clarity through blogging and also by interacting with more and more readers. The other reason for my blog is a strong activist streak – fighting singlism wherever I see it and thus raising consciousness about how singles are considered less than full adults.


Pop Culture, Scourge of the Onelies (cross-listed as Guilty Pleasure no. 72x.5): Millionaire Matchmaker February 20, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Dating, Heteronormativity, Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys.
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On Wednesday, Christina wrote a confessional post — and now it’s my turn: Ladies and Gentlemen, I must confess that sometimes, after a long Thursday, when I just want to kick back, have a beer, and relax in front of the TV, I watch Bravo’s The Millionaire Matchmaker.

OH I KNOW — you can stop throwing tomatoes at your computer screens (seriously, STOP – your computer will crash and I want you to read the rest of this post!)… I admit it, I’m horrible!! But it’s like … looking at the sun: The show just oozes with so many god-awful heteronormative-hole assumptions, I can’t muster up the strength to look away!


Let’s Get This Over With As Quickly As Possible Day February 13, 2009

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, As If!, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, single and happy, Singled Out, Your Responses Requested!.
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antivalentineThis is Onely’s first Valentine’s Day!  Pt-oo!  And that is us spitting on the Hallmark and De Beers mudworms who warped the holiday into its current overcommercialized incarnation.

What can Onely say about V-day, aka Let’s Get This Over With as Quickly As Possible Day,  that hasn’t been said already? “The holiday is insulting to singles”; “not insulting to singles”; “worth celebrating”; “not worth celebrating” — blah, blah.   (more…)

New Series: Single and Happy, YouTube style December 19, 2008

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys, single and happy, YouTube Style.
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1 comment so far

We’re happy to announce a new series – Single and Happy, YouTube style!

Christina came up with the brilliant idea last week to search for “Single and Happy” via YouTube. I know she’s got a few up her sleeve that she’ll share, but I’ll start us off with one of the first I found, a video of Love coach Carolin Dahlman explaining why it’s important to be happy while single:

Although Ms. Dahlman’s advice is useful, we have a few problems with it here at Onely because her advice revolves around the assumption that anyone who is single is always already pursuing/hoping for a relationship. The whole point of Onely is to challenge this kind of stereotypical assumption about what it means to be “single and happy.” Christina and I, along with many of our readers, are actually happy just being single.

(Astounding, we know!)

Here are a few funny viral videos listed under the category “Why women stay single,” just for fun: (more…)

Where’s a Man When You Need Him to Sniff Your Laptop? December 4, 2008

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Everyday Happenings, Just Saying..
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My laptop smells like B.O.!!!!!

Seriously, and Christina doesn’t believe me. I called her just now to tell her this very strange fact but because we live a few hundred miles apart, she can’t smell for herself. (more…)

Onely Thanks! November 26, 2008

Posted by Onely in We like. . ..
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  1. Our families (immediate and extended)
  2. Our friends — who we may as well call family
  3. Our readers — you! — for keeping us interesting and interested, and for proving to us that there *are* others out there happy to be single! 🙂
  4. Our cats and dog (Hi Kitty!)
  5. Our homes, which we come back to after long days and extended trips, empty to our relief.
  6. Pumpkin pies. All to ourselves. Good any time of the year!
  7. All the friends who offer their families as substitutes for our own when we’re far away, working through the holiday to get a Ph.D. (OK, that’s Lisa’s special one)
  8. Nut-sucking!!!! hahahahahahaha (that’s Christina’s special one, and Lisa wrote it)

Readers — what else are you thankful for?

That’s Right – We Get a Whole Week, Suckers!!! September 24, 2008

Posted by Onely in Great Onely Activities, We like. . ..
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Yup. That’s right. Couples get a DAY. We get a WEEK!!! (Not that this is a competition or anything — I’m just sayin’!)

Maybe we should be giving each other gifts — I believe I promised Christina a jacuzzi some time ago… 🙂

So — how should we celebrate, as a collective 90+-million-or-so bunch? Readers, submit your ideas!!!

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