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Chelsea’s Wedding “Most Important Thing” in Hillary’s Life Right Now July 5, 2010

Posted by Onely in As If!.
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Oh no she didn’t! Oh yes she did. According to BBC, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told Polish television reporters that her daughter Chelsea’s wedding

Truly is the most important thing in my life right now.

Oh good, because that pesky Armenian-Azeri conflict was getting old.

Don’t worry, America–despite being on a whirlwind diplomatic mission to Eastern Europe, Clinton says she has “been able to fit in tastings and dress selections and all the other things the mother of the bride has to do”.

I would expect someone who put eighteen million cracks in the glass ceiling to be imaginative and open-minded about the meaning of a wedding, not to parrot traditional roles rooted in sexism and materialism.

And regardless of whether Chelsea’s ceremony is tacky or tasteful, it should still not be a priority for Clinton. She has a responsibility to the people of the U.S. and the world to prioritize her political obligations and power, for which she fought so hard and for which so many people supported her.

I realize we all have things in our lives to which we attribute unreasonable importance.  For me, my persistent oily scalp  often seems far more important and devastating than, say, Hezbollah‘s latest hijinks.  But here’s the thing–I would never say so out loud.  (more…)

Stay Married or Murder Mother Earth! May 13, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought, Just Saying..
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imagesSo apparently singles are bad for the environment, according to this AP article and this RealConcepts blog post.

Households with fewer people are simply not as efficient as those with more people sharing

says ecologist Jianguo Liu at Michigan State, who analyzed the environmental impact of divorce.

images-1Per person, divorced households spent more per person per month for electricity, compared to a married household, as multiple people can be watching the same television, listening to the same radio, cooking on the same stove and or eating under the same lights.

Ok, so here are just some of the points that Liu doesn’t seem to consider:

Singles often generally use less space and smaller cars than married people. A married household may have one person doing laundry downstairs while another person watches TV upstairs. (If a single person can do laundry downstairs and watch TV upstairs at the same time, then their problems are way bigger than the dying planet’s.)  Multi-person households need bigger microwaves, bigger laundry machines. Lisa points out that “a single person may be willing to be cold or hot to save energy, which they can do because it won’t affect anyone else in the household”. Moreover, a single person who keeps their heat at a decent temp and gets energy star windows is going to expend less energy than a couple living next door who doesn’t.


Insignificant others: A steppingstone to kids? April 10, 2009

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Just Saying., Your Responses Requested!.
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Copious Readers, what does it mean when otherwise Onely people–who don’t mind being single–are looking for a significant other just because they want to have kids? Is this a good reason to look for a significant other? Currently, our world is set up so that it’s a lot harder to raise children if you don’t have a partner. But it’s wrong that our society is set up like that. So are these people supporting a shoddy system when they first get married before having kids? Should more people consider adopting as singles? Or given the current sub-par state of benefits systems for single parents, is that unfair to the children? (more…)

“OneTouch” Ad Commits Two “Isms” in Two Lines March 23, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Everyday Happenings, Heteronormativity, Just Saying..
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(David-i98, Wikicommons)

Usually doctors’ waiting room magazines are where I look for my Brad and Angelina updates, but the other day I happened upon something else:  an ad for OneTouch Diabetes Monitor that double-dips into singlism and sexism. Yay!

In the print ad, the headline across the man’s face reads, “Chris. Newly diagonosed. Motivated. Father.” Then in smaller text, Chris himself says,

I’m only three weeks into being a guy with diabetes, so I’m learning to check my blood sugar. Why? Maya, my four and a half year old daughter. I will dance at her wedding.


Book Review: The Challenge of Being Single March 15, 2009

Posted by Onely in book review, Reviews.
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dae6c060ada0a6e640df9110l_aa240_Marie Edwards and Eleanor Hoover. The Challenge of Being Single: For Divorced, Widowed, Separated, and Never-Married Men and Women. Signet, New American Library: New York 1975. 

This book review will be done in the style of movie previews. 

California, 1971.

IN A WORLD where the ideal woman is still a homemaker and the ideal man her breadwinner, where “computer dating” means you fill out a paper form and send it via snail mail to a company for matching via punch card, where divorced women can’t pay their bills, and where landlords turn away singles and unmarried couples–ONLY ONE WOMAN has the courage to stand up for the rights of single people everywhere. Facing down bitter myths about unpaired people, FEARLESS PSYCHOLOGIST MARIE BABARE EDWARDS launches her workshops “THE CHALLENGE OF BEING SINGLE” through the University of Southern California. Then, with the help of INTREPID JOURNALIST ELEANOR HOOVER, she turns her workshop experiences into a ground-breaking book that, well, judge for yourself from these excerpts. Here’s Edwards in her own words, (more…)

Some Like It Single: Marrying Millennial March 13, 2009

Posted by Onely in Some Like It Single.
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Welcome to the second installment in our new series, Some Like It Single, where we profile (relatively) small, independent blogs dedicated to exploring what it means to be “single” in American culture and, we hope, around the world. 

We like the blog Marrying Millenial because its author, Janelle Iwalani Maluenda, a twenty-one year old PR and advertising student at Chapman U in southern California, has taken on the entire whacked-out federally funded campaign to promote marriage with the vehemence of a verbal hurricane.   (more…)

Heteronormaholes On the Prowl! Reach out to your congress reps! February 21, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Take action.
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A couple years ago, I fed, spayed, and removed an abcess from the tail of a very scared little tabby kitten whose mama had  disappeared. I found a home for Fiction with my neighbors, to whom she is a delight. She also comes by every day for snuggles and I’m sure her purr therapy has had added years on to my life.

So why isn’t there a massive ad campaign to encouraging people to improve their well-being by saving and socializing feral cats? Because this hobby isn’t right or comfortable for everyone! DUH.  So why is the federal government funding an ad campaign to promote the hobby of marriage? Because the government is Severely Duh-Impaired, that’s why:

Rachel’s post alerted Onely to the federally funded campaign to encourage marriage, as described in this USA Today article.  According to the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, which is spearheading the campaign in response to falling marriage rates, “Young people want ‘happily ever after,’ but lack skills to make marriage work.”


Deconstructing Facebook January 29, 2009

Posted by Onely in Dating, Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought, Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys.
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It’s a pandemic, people!  In the last week, several singles close to me have expressed distress and depression after logging in to their Facebook accounts:

“All my friends have these pictures of them with their spouses; everyone is in a couple except me.”    “My ex-boyfriend changed his Status. Now he’s not single but I still am.”   Or, worst of all, “My ex friended me and I accepted and sent a nice little note and he sent me a Happy New Year video card of him doing Polar Bear Club and it was thirty seconds of him leaping in the water and then a whole nother minute of some woman towelling him off lovingly with googly eyes oh my god.” (more…)

Great Onelies in Real Time: Wang GuiYing January 13, 2009

Posted by Onely in As If!, Great Onelies in Real Time, Heteronormativity.
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A Chinese woman has decided to become unsingle after 107 years of Oneliness

She didn’t marry because she was afraid of marriage. When we are tempted to glorify the long, historic tradition of man-woman matrimony and disparage those of us who, for whatever reasons, are not participating in it, let’s also take a moment to listen to Wang Gui Ying’s story (Reuters cites the ChongQing Commercial Times): 

Born in southern Guizhou province the child of a salt merchant, Wang grew up watching her uncles and other men scold and beat their wives and often found her aunt crying in the woodshed after an attack, the paper said.

“All the married people around there lived like that. Getting married was too frightening,” she said of an era when Chinese women had few rights and low social standing.

For me, Wang Guiying makes an interesting contrast to the many people nowadays (at least in the west) who marry because they are afraid of being single (I know, I know, not everyone–but lots!).  Wang kept the family farm going until she was 74. Now that she’s finally beginning to slow down, she’s worried about being a burden to her nieces and nephews. (more…)

REVIEW: SINGLED OUT, by Bella DePaulo–Why are matrimaniacs matrimaniacs? August 5, 2008

Posted by Onely in book review, Reviews, Singled Out, We like. . ..
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DePaulo, Bella. Singled Out, How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2006

(This is an ongoing, serial review, continued from an earlier post)

In Singled Out, DePaulo theorizes that “matrimaniacs” (people who fixate on the importance of marriage and coupling) belittle single people for the following reason:


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