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Friends Care about the Boring Shit August 26, 2009

Posted by Onely in Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy.
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Hi everyone,

The fall semester has officially begun, which means, for me, the beginning of a mad scramble toward three doctoral exams which I must take (and pass) by the beginning of December. Between this, teaching two classes, presenting at two conferences, and composing a short article for an academic journal, I feel simultaneously thrilled by my life and on the verge of complete and utter panic.

But, believe it or not, this post isn’t about me. It’s about Christina. You see, I’ve got a veritable TON of reading to do in the next few months (I honestly don’t think I’m exaggerating all that much by measuring my work by thousands of pounds). And as I began really wading in deep last week, I realized that it was going to be easy to procrastinate. Too easy.  (more…)

Always a Bridesmaid, Never the Bride June 15, 2009

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, single and happy.
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This past weekend, I was a bridesmaid for a friend’s wedding in St. Louis. This is the fourth time I’ve been a bridesmaid over the last eight years or so, and doing it made me think about the popular (American?) expression, “Always a bridesmaid, never the bride.” For those of our readers unfamiliar with it, the expression carries a highly negative connotation, suggesting that the woman (or person) in question hasn’t (or cannot/will not) fulfill her ultimate ambition in life — being a bride (for info on the origin of the expression, check out this link).

I’m sure I don’t need to explain to you, copious readers, how heteronormative and sexist the expression is, suggesting that a woman’s most impressive achievement will be her wedding day (!!). But I have started to think a lot about what it means to be a bridesmaid, especially as one of the co-writers of this blog. (more…)

Friendship, Being Onely, and Being Female July 22, 2008

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought.
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In an earlier post, Christina wrote about how she had been “thinking about how so often we measure the passage of time in units of relationships, marriages, and children” and went on to point out some of the many other markers we could use to “measure” and “value” what we’ve done in our individual lives. This post keeps making its way back into my mind because one of the most important markers, for me, has been and continues to be the handful of close female friends I have made and kept even while moving from place to place over the last 10 years or so. (more…)

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