Friends Care about the Boring Shit August 26, 2009
Posted by Onely in Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy.Tags: doctoral exams, fall semester, friendship, reading
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Hi everyone,
The fall semester has officially begun, which means, for me, the beginning of a mad scramble toward three doctoral exams which I must take (and pass) by the beginning of December. Between this, teaching two classes, presenting at two conferences, and composing a short article for an academic journal, I feel simultaneously thrilled by my life and on the verge of complete and utter panic.
But, believe it or not, this post isn’t about me. It’s about Christina. You see, I’ve got a veritable TON of reading to do in the next few months (I honestly don’t think I’m exaggerating all that much by measuring my work by thousands of pounds). And as I began really wading in deep last week, I realized that it was going to be easy to procrastinate. Too easy.
I needed someone to report to, but that someone couldn’t be in my program, because I didn’t want to feel boastful if I set goals and accomplished them, and I didn’t want to feel stupid or slow if I didn’t meet my goals. The exams, like the dissertation, are independently driven, and so I didn’t want to feel (and I didn’t want to make anyone else feel) competitive about my work. I simply needed someone who would listen to my boring reading goals on a daily basis and who would acknowledge my successes or failures without judging them.
In short, I needed Christina. 🙂
We’ve written in the past about the importance of friendships when living as a single person, particularly about the evolution and importance of the friendship that Christina and I have. I hadn’t anticipated needing Christina for this specific aspect of my life – it just came up. But I knew she’d be perfect for this temporary role, and I was right.
I got inspired to write this post because I just finished writing a very long email to Christina about exactly how I’m going to get through the books on my reading lists quickly (I am not a fast reader). I wrote possibly the most tedious and detailed paragraph written on the subject ever. And then I outlined exactly what I’m going to read tomorrow, and how long I anticipate spending on each text.
She doesn’t need to read these emails carefully, or even at all. Because tomorrow night, I’ll write her another boring email describing what I did (or did not) accomplish and outlining my goals for the next day, and the next, and the next. Until December… (Thanks Christina)
Yup. Friends care about the boring shit.
So, Copious Readers, who in your life cares about your boring shit?
— L
Onely.Org 
Pretty much everyone in my life cares. I try to live a boring life thinking it would repel some of the people who are really nosy. No such luck. It seems my boring shit is more exciting than their exciting shit. I’d rather wish my boring shit turned people off and made them less interested. Lord knows what would happen if I had anything exciting going on. LOL.
“Yup. Friends care about the boring shit.”
Can’t agree more! I have only found who was a real true friend in (my) times of stress and yes, tedious non-sense (in my life that is.) I would say to you however, go kick some ass like I, and many other fans of yours, know you can!!
As a side note, I just posted a new blog based from Tina over at luvemOrleavum. If you don’t mind, take a look and see what you think about this “McLinky” idea, thanks.
http://relationship-digest.com/2009/08/being-single-really-sucks.html
Thanks Lisa! My pleasure! Honestly, I read the notes and do the email equivalent of nodding and going “uh huh” because I don’t have a prayer of understanding any of those authors. Maybe some of it will slip in by osmosis. = )
CC
It’s so lovely to see friends supporting each other! To me, it’s more meaningful in some ways than support from family or a significant other because it’s non-obligatory. I have a couple of friends who are always willing to listen to boring details just because they’re important to me, and I try to return the favor whenever I can.
Wow, I am somewhat jealous. I used to attempt to talk to my friends about the boring things and the important things (not necessarily mutually exclusive!) but in recent years I have really learned that they DON’T really care. Recently it’s become pretty extreme- I DON’T really feel as if there’s anyone I can talk to about much-whether it’s because they don’t care or they’re just not available. I end up I think putting too much on my parents- the boring stuff, the important stuff, the problematic stuff.
I always call my dad to report on the boring shit. And that is why I have a life coach/mentor. I call her once a month and somehow from the boring shit she helps me glean deep understanding of myself. Humph.
I used to call my friends with the boring shit but lately I’ve assumed that they’re too busy. Interesting.
I’ve been meaning to check in on you for a while now but usually got distracted… How are things going with the preparation for your doctoral exams? I hope its coming along well!
Thanks Rachel! I am surviving, but it is pretty horrible — I have finished one exam last week but still have two to go and am scrambling to get everything read in time while still saying sane and somewhat healthy. I can’t lie — it is really hard — I have had to cancel all kinds of social — and even one professional — event just to stay on top of my work! The saddest part for me right now might be that I have zero brain energy left for Onely, which is why I have been markedly absent 😦
But, all that said, I keep reminding myself: this is only temporary! I will be finished and in celebratory mode on/around December 5th. Only a few more weeks left (assuming I pass the exams — ha!), and then I’ll only have the dissertation, which is a completely different kind of monster!
Thanks for asking. 🙂 I can’t wait to be back on the blogosphere!
L
Good luck, Lisa! You’ll get through this – after all the end is in sight!