Singledom Statistics Warped By Photo July 1, 2023
Posted by Onely in As If!.Tags: Fox news is asinine, Photos of happy single people, Singles in the Media, singlism
5 comments
Hiya Copious Readers. We here at Onely have been away for a while, because we’re working on other writing projects (and binging Derry Girls on Netflix). Today I saw an article and photograph in The Hill that reminded me why we started Onely so many years ago, before singles’ advocacy was cool. This article shows how insidious singlism is, and how many assumptions we (well, not ME!) make about people based on marital status. How it just slips into our lives, all sneaky-like. The text of the article itself, by Julia Shapiro, isn’t problematic. The headline is: Share of 40-Year-Old Americans Who Have Never Been Married Hits Record High. It’s based on a recent Pew study and mainly cites marriage statistics, such as:
Men were slightly more likely than women to remain unmarried into their 40s in 2021, with 28 percent of men and 22 percent of women falling into this category, the Pew analysis found.
Good for Shapiro (and Pew) for sharing these important numbers. Her article doesn’t call this no-marriage trend good or bad. It doesn’t have to. We know that the rising number of single people is BAD, because whoever attached a photo to this article in Apple News (not The Hill website) chose a problematic picture. In the photo, a woman sits on a couch staring out a window, one arm curled around her bent legs and the other supporting her chin. Everything about the image screams,
OH WOE IS ME, MY TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES HAVE LED ME TO BE WITHOUT A MAN (OR WOMAN). MAYBE I CAN FIND ONE OUTSIDE MY WINDOW, TO COMPLETE MY SAD EMPTY LIFE?
The plot thickened when I looked at CNN’s coverage of the same Pew study, A record-high number of 40-year-olds in the US have never been married, study finds. The photo attached to the phone version of the CNN website also shows a woman looking out a window. In this image, the woman sits with her legs propped up on an open window seat, holding a (I imagine) hot cup of cherry coffee and looking at a view of a rock wall topped with plants, bordering a lawn, or possibly a green pond. Everything about the image screams,
I AM HAVING A NICE RELAXING TIME. IS THAT A FAWN AND A BUNNY FROLICKING IN THE BUSHES? I CAN’T WAIT TO GO TO THE COFFEE SHOP TO READ ABOUT THE HISTORY OF SPICES AND THEN MEET MY FRIENDS FROM BELLY DANCING CLASS.
Apparently the CNN editor saw the rising number of unmarried people as a progressive, hopeful thing, whereas the Apple News editor was saddened and horrified. (more…)
Virginia Taxes Fund the Nasty Institute for Family Studies: Send Irate Letters! June 2, 2022
Posted by Onely in As If!.Tags: Institute for Family Studies, Marital Status Discrimination
add a comment
Copious Readers, welcome to the latest edition in our series Singles Against Stupidity, in which we compose letters to our representatives advocating for better legislation that doesn’t discriminate based on relationship and marital status.
Today we are taking on the Institute for Family Studies (and not, unfortunately, the “Nasty Institute for Family Studies,” as indicated by the post title). If you live in the great state of Virginia, your tax dollars are going to this regressive, natalnormative nonprofit that vituperatively disparages people who (GASP!) aren’t married with 2.4 children.
If you live in Virginia, please consider writing to your reps in the state and federal congresses. You can find them by going to Who Is My. They should all have online forms. Feel free to use text from the below letter that I (Christina) wrote, and add any additional thoughts or citations you may have. Or even better, write a shorter version! (I can’t help being wordy–I’m a Gemini.)
Thanks to Craig Wynne of The Happy Bachelor for editing the letter and to Ellen B for bringing this issue to Onely’s attention!
–CC
—-BEGIN TEXT——
Online Forms: When Gender is Flexible, but Relationship Status Isn’t September 26, 2021
Posted by Onely in As If!.Tags: amatonormative, doctor visit, medical discrimination, online forms, relationship status
3 comments
Single in the Military? Your Life Matters Less. June 12, 2021
Posted by Onely in As If!.Tags: single in the military, Vietnam War
1 comment so far
Although this story of singlism in the U.S. military is from the 1970s, the problem is just as pervasive today. I wrote previously about my relative whose tour was extended because she didn’t have a spouse and kids stateside. Now I’m writing about another relative, who told me a story about his time as a young U.S. Army officer newly deployed to Laos during the Vietnam War.
Characters:
Don–male U.S. army officer and and our Onely hero
Jim–male US army officer and a friend and fellow trainee of Don’s.
Pat–AKA Pat The Stick. Male U.S. Army veteran who fought with the Filipino resistance force during the Japanese occupation of the Philippines during WWII. He earned his nickname by carrying a “swagger stick” and pounding it on his desk for emphasis during discussions with subordinate personnel.
ACT I
THE SETTING:
Pat’s office at Udorn Base in Thailand.
THE STAKES:
Jim and Don arrived at Pat’s office knowing only that Pat was the boss and he would assign them to one of several bases in Laos. Prior to their arrival at Udorn, Jim and Don had heard that one of the bases, designated LS-98, was the least desirable to serve at, due to its remoteness and constant threat of communist North Vietnamese Army or Pathet Lao attacks. (more…)
My Office Gets Singlist About COVID-19 January 28, 2021
Posted by Onely in As If!.Tags: office singlism, semi-geriatric cats, single in COVID
5 comments
So the other morning, I walked into the lobby of my office building and saw these helpful hints on the digital message board:
Living Single in COVID:
Structure your time
Treat yourself well
Maintain a schedule
I watched the board for a minute to see if it would give me advice on living coupled in COVID. I knew it wouldn’t, and it didn’t. The board flicked to a new screen that told me masks were required in the building, and that yoga class would be in the gym at 12:00.
There’s been discussion in the singles advocacy community about whether it’s appropriate to single out (sorry) singles during COVID as needing special help. (more…)
Europe Lets People in to See Loved Ones–But Only If They Are Having Sex August 16, 2020
Posted by Onely in As If!.Tags: European Union travel ban, Love Is Not Tourism, Regressive Ideas
add a comment
Apparently this is a thing that exists: the “Love Is Not Tourism” campaign, whose pinned Tweet reads:
Binational couples and families have been separated for almost half a year due to Covid-19 travel bans. Help us reunite them!
Normally I’d write this Twitter account off as some regressive, small-minded Tweeter not worth my time, but unfortunately, Forbes is taking them seriously, and so are many European countries. According to the Forbes article, countries are developing various policies allowing people to reunite despite travel bans. The problem? Every policy favors romantic relationships over non-romantic relationships.
Regarding the implementation of these waivers, the EU Commissioner for Home Affairs tweeted that states should use “as wide a definition of partnerships as possible”. This sounds very noble and inclusive, until you realize that the definition is not inteded to expand wider than romantic relationships, which essentially means people who are having committed sex, or people who have committed to having committed sex in the future. (more…)
Nuclear Families Defy Laws of Physics April 12, 2016
Posted by Onely in As If!, Marital Status Discrimination.Tags: foster pets, singles blog, singlism
3 comments
I want to foster a cat(s), so I signed up for our county shelter’s foster class. Years ago I went through a phase of fostering Special Needs cats–with kidney, skin, urinary, psychological, and projectile snot issues. So I’m no feline foster virgin. But rules are rules, so I have to get my butt in a chair at the class.
But did you know that human rules can override the rules of physics? Yes! Especially when we’re talking about rules of singlism/matrimania/heteronormativity. Check out this paragraph from the orientation letter for the foster class. I don’t even really need to comment on it, because the WTF factor is perfectly apparent. Aw heck, I’m going to comment anyway, because my snark filter is broken:
Apparently, according to our county shelter, spouses and children of potential foster parents don’t take up any physical space in chairs! So they don’t need to RSVP for the class–they can just show up randomly and seating magically appears for them. If I wanted to bring a friend to the class, though, she would have to RSVP because she, as a mere friend, *does* take up physical space and require am actual, non-magical, reserved chair:
Please only RSVP for yourself. If you are bringing your children or spouses (which is allowed – but please be mindful that training room space is very limited, and the presentation is about an hour long), you do not need to include them in the number of people attending. If you have friends who are also interested in the program, they need to fill out the application and wait for an email inviting them to RSVP for themselves.
[Bold and italics are mine.]
–Christina
Photo credit: Wikicommons
Single? Then you don’t have money problems with your family or friends March 2, 2016
Posted by Onely in As If!, Heteronormativity, Marital Status Discrimination.Tags: All the Single Ladies, financial advice, Marital Status Discrimination, married money, Rebecca Traister, singles blog, singlism
1 comment so far
Warning: May contain unsound rhetoric such as rants and name-calling. (Welcome to the blogosphere!)
On the surface, it seems single people are now Cool. For example, the media has been regularly highlighting the importance of singles, especially women, in regards to the U.S. economy and politics. Feminist writer Rebecca Traister’s book All The Single Ladies has gotten many (deserved) favorable reviews from a range of outlets. However, we singles advocates need to not get too comfortable or complacent. There is still singlist bullpoop out there, in huge steaming piles. For instance, someone is starting a new organization to help people manage money–but only in the context of the nuclear family. The founders declare themselves “a Christian organization” but obviously their “Christian values” only extend to people who have state-sanctioned sex.
How do I know this? I subscribe to a website that solicits help naming various new companies. They regularly announce contests to name new startups, or a revamped doctors’ offices, or what have you. According to an email I received, the above-described financial consultation organization’s goals are to
help families create a strong and healthy relationship with money in their marriages. We are focused on married people and families with young children. . .
and to
help families strengthen their emotional, spiritual, and practical relationship with money. . . think of relationship enrichment and financial advice combined. . .
Because apparently single people don’t have any loved ones they share financial issues with and so don’t need any guidance navigating those murky money waters. According to the founders of this organization, my single cousin doesn’t need help managing the low-interest loan she took from my parents for nursing school; according to this company, as a single person, I didn’t need help recovering the 500 dollars from a ticket incurred on my car by a former friend of mine; according to this company, only spouses and children pass money between each other, and those are the only financial relationships that need “enriching” (probably no pun intended–I doubt the authors were smart enough).
So why would the founders limit their demographic so severely? Because they’re small-minded, ignorant, and ultimately on the road to self-destruction before they even get started. Given the many federal laws that privilege married people over singles financially, you’d think that maybe singles are more likely to need money guidance (for example, how to pass property or money to a non-spouse without paying a huge gift tax).
The organization says that for their new name, they are “open to both abstract and names that clearly describe who we are”. Ok then! A few suggestions, for names and slogans:
Financial Help from Heteronormaholes
We Tell You Who’s Important
Some Hearts Are More Equal Than Others
Matrimania In Your Wallet
Copious Readers, do you have other suggestions?
–Christina
PS. See also: http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/02/political-power-single-women-c-v-r.html by Traister
Photo credit: Wikicommons
Singles: Married People’s Poop Pollutes Less Than Yours February 11, 2016
Posted by Onely in As If!, Marital Status Discrimination.Tags: marital privilege, married property rights, singles blog, singlism
add a comment
Copious Readers: Just FYI, my long absence from Onely is not because I have lost interest in singles’ issues–on the contrary, I read about them every day in my Google feed–but because I have been sick. I had to focus more on the immediacies of daily life: food, medicine, mortgage, and, ahem, reruns of “Worst Cooks in America” on Netflix. But I was inspired to fight my way back to the keyboard through the pain for you, Copious Readers, to let you know that if you single, you had better get married, because if you’re married, your sh&t don’t stink.
A tiny article in my parents’ local paper on Thursday, June 18 2015 announced: One Quarter of Septic Systems Found To Be Failing. (It doesn’t seem to be online; but here’s the article that predated it.)
Never one to shy away from an opportunity to read about poop, I explored this issue further, and I found the strangest instance of singlism (discrimination against single people) that I have yet encountered in all my years of writing this blog.
But first, some background: My parents live in a little log cabin on a lake within minutes of the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore. Native Americans considered it sacred long before my great-grandparents built a cabin there. My great-grandparents settled there long before the area was named “the most beautiful place in America” by Good Morning America. After that, the park drew increasing numbers of the kind of tourists who had a lot of money, but not a lot of imagination–the kind of people who have to be told where to visit, instead of inspiring themselves with their own research. (Yeah, yeah, bitter much?)
With the resulting crowds and McMansions in the woods (our little cabin is now megavintage), there’s been a struggle to maintain the area’s aesthetic integrity. Nearby Glen Arbor Township became “the first township in [Leelanau] county to require septic and well inspections for properties changing ownership,” according to the article. Failing or poorly constructed septic tanks can contaminate groundwater in a watershed that feeds dozens of small lakes, as well as Lake Michigan.
But here’s the thing:
If you sell the property to your spouse, you do *not* need to get your septic tank inspected.
Your twenty-year-old tank could be leaching poop-laced water into the surrounding earth 24-7, but that’s ok, because if you’re married, your poop doesn’t contain bacteria and toxins that pollute the soil and water tables. Or so it would seem, according to this ruling by the Benzie-Leelanau District Health Department. As soon as you say, “‘Til death do us part,” your colon automatically purges itself of all environmentally toxic and pathogenic micro-organisms and chemicals (which is why wedding clothiers are increasingly offering the Silk Diaper option as an add-on feature to your dress or tux).
Who knew?
–Christina
Photo credit: Jim Duncan, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1TZlwKHVo0
Onely.Org 
