You Don’t Know Onely August 2, 2010
Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought.Tags: being onely, heteronormahole, misconceptions about singles, singlism, we love being single
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There’s a lot that you don’t know about Onely. And by “you”, we don’t mean YOU, our loyal Copious Readers, but rather the occasional reader who happens upon or hears about this site and thinks she grasps the concept of singles’ rights advocacy–but doesn’t. Despite our best efforts to write clearly and simply so that even heteronormaholes can understand Oneliness, there is always That Person who asks, “So, why are you so bitter at men?” or “Why don’t you like married people?” or “So you plan on being single forever then?” or, most bizarre, “Why do you hate children?”
So here we have listed and addressed these misconceptions (again). Eventually some of the items may hyperlink to future posts containing more detail (and/or ranting). Feel free to add to the list!
Common Misconceptions (CMs) about The Onely Creed
1. CM: We hate marriage or married people.
REALITY: Actually we just hate that marriage is overprivileged in our laws and culture.
2. CM: We hate children.
REALITY: Children are fine (baby showers, not so much). And not wanting our own kids might even help us enjoy other kids even more.
3a. CM: We hate men.
REALITY: Well, ok, sometimes we do hate men. But only the ones who deserve it.
3b. CM: We hate women.
REALITY: See 3a 🙂
4. CM: We intend to be single the rest of our lives and have written off all possibility of a Seepie relationship evermore.
REALITY: We may or may not be single for the rest of our lives. We don’t really care either way. PLONK PLONK PLONK PLONK! (What’s that, you ask? Oh, it’s the sound of heteronormaholes all over the world falling out of their chairs.)
5. CM: Singlism means advocating for singles in a good way, because it ends with Ism.
REALITY: Singlism means discrimination against singles in a bad way, because it ends with Ism. We know that not only heteronormaholes make this mistake, so we offer this handy mnemonic to help our readers remember: “Singlism is ABIAIRAOSNAIF”. Singlism is a bad Ism, as in Racism, Ageism, or Sexism, not as in Feminism.
6. CM: Singles’ advocates think Singlism is as destructive as racism. It’s not, so we should just shut up.
REALITY: We know that singlism is not as destructive as racism. Schoolyard bullying is not as bad as murder, but does that mean we should ignore schoolyard bullying?
7. CM: You can call yourself Onely just because you’re single.
REALITY: If you’re single and you are constantly searching for validation from people who are in your “dating pool” (men if you’re a hetero woman, women if you’re a lesbian, men if you’re a gay man … etc. etc. — you get the picture), then you are not Onely, and please don’t call yourself Onely, because it gives us the willies.
–Christina and Lisa
Photo Credit: Move the Clouds
Onely.Org 
I’ve always felt that discussions of children should be separate from discussions of singles.
There are plenty of singles who have kids, and even more married couples who don’t. So single doesn’t mean no kids, any more than being married means having them.
Just another stereotype, and a distraction from discussions of singles’ issues.
“Oh, it’s the sound of heteronormaholes all over the world falling out of their chairs.”
hahahaha I caught My Big Fat Greek Wedding on TV this weekend- I love the scene where the parents and aunt are discussing the main character’s situation and one of them goes, “maybe she just don’t want to be married” and they all gasp and make the sign of the cross.
in re: to #3… once again you write about singlism from a purely female-centric perspective. i’m only slight hurt =)
haha well I’ve never seen anyone accuse a single guy of hating women.
No one’s ever asked me if I hate men, but many suggest that I’ve had some horrible experience with them in the past, or I’m just jaded.
yeah, but we are all serial killers, so we must have lots of hate for someone =P
that’s true. 🙂
Good point. For this list we were thinking about personal situations that the two of us particularly have been in, and naturally as hetero women that’s the only angle of that “why do you hate. . .?” question we’ve ever experienced. For more academicy (YES IT’S A WORD!) posts I think we’d be more alert to posting about cross-gender singlism.
CC
Matt: See correction above. Point totally taken!!! 🙂
haha… thanks =D
I don’t think I’ve heard heteronormaholes before; love that!