Once Onely, always Onely? October 21, 2008Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, We like. . ..
Tags: bella depaulo, lifetime membership, single
Once Onely, always Onely? If Lisa or I start dating someone seriously to the point that they become our “significant other”, do we forfeit our Onely status? I say no. Even if I get married, I will still be Onely. It’s sort of like once you pay your dues, you get a lifetime membership. And that’s a good thing. Social Psychologist Bella DePaulo pithily validates my point:
Americans now spend more years unmarried than married. But even if we spent only a sliver of our lives single, we should be able to use that sliver to pick any door or puncture any myth. . .
Corollary question: Imagine a tried-and-true Onely starts dating someone, and then the relationship ends terribly, in a heart-scorching blaze of sexism, betrayal, games, and bad breath. What if, despite this crash-and-burn ending, the former Onely still misses the significant other so much, that every single second she spends as a newly single person is like a vacuum sucking at her soul, as she wonders if, when, and how soon someone else will replace the person she thought her former soulmate was? Does she forfeit her lifetime Onely membership? I say no. I still say, Once Onely, Always Onely. There will be blue times when singlism, matrimania, and a botched romantic relationship will get even a hardcore Onely down, but they will always bounce back. They will always discover again, sooner or later, the joy of coming home to a human-free house, dropping their hat on the plaid lounge chair, lying down on the carpet with their bra unhooked, pointing their feet at the ceiling, kicking their knees and saying OOGA OOGA OOGA, and not having to explain why to anyone. WELCOME TO THE CLUB, Copious Readership!