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Men and Cats May 6, 2009

Posted by Onely in blog reviews, Food for Thought, We like. . ..
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images1Studies have shown that women think pictures of attractive men holding babies  are even sexier than pictures of the men alone. But what’s waaay sexier than a man with a baby? Yes, a man with a CAT!  Thanks to Singular magazine for showing me the site Men and Cats.  According to a New York Times article, Crazy Cat Men are the latest thing. One of them, John Scalzi, explains why: “If you’re feeling insecure about your space in the world, you get a dog because he will always back you up. . . (but a man with a cat) is secure with himself. He’s sharing his space with a predator.”  

And what’s more attractive than someone who is confident about his space in the world? 

The stereotypes of men with cats–that they’re effeminate or eternal bachelors or whatever–and the arguments cat-loving (non-effeminate, non-eternal bachelor) men use to counter these stereotypes remind me of the dynamic of singlism and singles. We singles are regularly forced to defend ourselves against, or make excuses for, a status that is not inherently bad in the first place and which can actually be pretty honorable. Same with men and their cats. 

Full disclosure: I once briefly dated a friend who took care of my foster cat when I went on an extended trip. J soon decided that he didn’t want to see me anymore but oh, by the way, he’d like to permanently adopt Paws. A less noble foster mom might have said, “F no!” But the business of fostering is to find the kitties homes where they are loved. And so I have not seen Paws since then, except in fond memories. Nobility is overrated!

Copious Readers (except for our hetero male readers, sorry once again, Alan and Bobby), have you dated men with cats? Wish you had? Wish you hadn’t?  Who wants to meet Adam Fulrath   for a little midnight catnip?  ME! ME!



1. Lauri - May 6, 2009

I dated a guy with a cat (which was interesting, because I’m highly allergic). Let me tell you, he was the most confident, secure, 20-something dude I’ve ever met to this day. Very cool, very passionate, very confident. And he was some traditionally good-looking or super buff dude either. This guy was like 5’10” or 11″ and weighed less than 140 lbs- at the time I outweighed him by about 20lbs of muscle, and he wasn’t phased at all (as opposed to other smaller guys I’ve dated who eventually freak out that they can’t “throw me around”). I would totally believe the cat thing. His cat was awesome too. That was one of the first guys I ever really dated, and I think he spoiled me.

2. autonomous - May 6, 2009

The great unrequited love of my life had four cats when we were dating: two raised since kittens and two adopted him for a time. It was absolutely sexy and he wasn’t at all effeminate- just a creative and sensitive soul. It was evident also in the way he nurtured his children and one of the things which attracted me in the first place.

I simply don’t trust men who hate cats as easily as men who love/like/tolerate them. It has been my experience that some men transfer a large emotional investment onto their dogs and are emotionally distant/detached from the humans in their lives.

Other men have come in to my house/life and made a big deal about trying to bond with kitty, but she can always tell if they’re genuine or not and has a way of making her preference known- it’s pretty funny actually.

3. Singlutionary - May 6, 2009


4. Singletude - May 24, 2009

Sorry for coming to this post late. I always seem to fall behind in my blog reading, darnit!

Anyway, most of the men I’ve dated have actually not had pets because they rented apartments or shared houses where pets were not allowed. However, several of them had grown up with cats, liked them, and enjoyed visiting mine. They didn’t have any similarities other than that they’d grown up with cats, but none of them were effeminate or confirmed bachelors.

The last guy I was in a relationship with was also the first homeowner I’ve dated, and he had a dog and two cats. He was a mental health professional and super-comfortable with showing emotions and embracing his “feminine side.” He loved all the animals, but his baby was really the dog, and it actually led to some conflicts because of his lax “parenting.”

Word to what Autonomous said about men who get invested in their dogs to the exclusion of people! I’ve noticed a trend with this that kind of disturbs me. Dogs can be very sweet and faithful pets, but they’re still pets. People have to come first.

5. Onely Throws A Hissy Fit « Onely: Single and Happy - September 2, 2010

[…] Author Dan Amira must have just gotten confused–he forgot that unmarried women don’t throw away cats, they collect them. […]

6. Carrie Coaplen - December 6, 2010

I currently date a man with two cats. Despite appreciating onely-ness, I totally want to partner for life with him. He is giving, beautiful, appreciative, dependable, fucking SMART, self-aware, artistic, thoughtful, generous, sexy, sensitive, really funny both in outright goofy, and sophisticate/subtle ways, and is the best lover I’ve been with EVER for various reasons. Don’t know how much the cats have to do with this assessment, but I’m not particularly a cat person, and am becoming one. And have for sure become a man with cats fan. His cats are cool as hell, too.

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