Secret Lives of the Happily Single: Laundry Edition June 8, 2009Posted by Onely in Dating, Everyday Happenings, Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single.
Tags: annoying boyfriend habits, boyfriend laundry, happy single, laundry habits, mysterious single, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, unhappy single
Welcome to the first installment in our new series, Secret Lives of the Happily Single. Singlehood is mysterious and secretive in many ways. Happy singles take on an almost shaman-like aura in our culture, as if we must know things that the rest of the world doesn’t. (Don’t we?) In SLOTHS, we aim to talk about the more private, mysterious, and sensitive aspects of being single and satisfied. In this edition, we talk about laundry.
The secret lives of the happily single can include sex. The secret lives of the happily single can also include unhappiness (happy singles sometimes feel we have to hide unhappiness, even if it’s not related to our relationship status). And our secret lives also include Great Onely Activities that seem almost too silly, petty, or trivial to use as a “real” excuse for why we love being single. That is what this post is about.
When a heteronormahole asks you some version of “Why aren’t you married”, it seems almost disrespectful to the many benefits of singlehood if you say, “Because I like to be able to suck the salf off nuts then put them back in the can.” But we need to be able to flaunt the awesomeness of these “little things”, not hide them or denigrate them like consolation prizes for those of us who missed out on the “big win” of marriage or couplehood. Life is made up of “the little things” like our bodies are made up of molecules.
I have a secret trivial habit that I enjoy as a single person. I would never use it as an explanation for “Why I’m not married”, but it gives me great satisfaction. Every time I do laundry, I put the lid of the laundry detergent back on the bottle without rinsing it off first. Yes! I know! Can you believe it?
My last boyfriend “showed” me how to rinse the top of the laundry detergent off in the faucet after using the lid to pour the requiste amount of soap into the machine. If you don’t rinse the lid, he claimed, the detergent gums up the threads of the bottleneck and may even (horrors!) run down the sides of the bottle. “Look,” he said as he waved the sloshed-out lid under my nose, “Now it won’t get all over!” He seemed so pleased with himself, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that a soap disaster such as he described had never, never, ever happened to me in all my years of using the lid to measure and pour. But from then on, whenever I did laundry at his house, I was afraid of getting soap on the outside of the bottle spout. So I poured the detergent straight from the bottle and bypassed the lid measuring altogether. This probably wasted detergent, but it saved my sanity, because I knew I would never get the lid clean enough for him (even though he’d demonstrated to me clearly how to swish-swish it under the faucet).
Nowadays each time I screw the sticky, detergent-coated cap back on the container, I think how glad I am that no one will chastise me for not rinsing it out beforehand. I always feel a little devil-may-care and lighthearted during that part of my laundry routine.
Copious Readers, what little habits are important or meaningful to you that might seem trivial to a heternormahole?