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Should I Be Worried? July 23, 2009

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Your Responses Requested!.
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So, I’ve been dating this guy — very casually (which is exactly the way I want it) — for the last two months or so. Today, he sent me this video, with the following message: “If I ever get married again [he’s been married before], it will be like this”

We haven’t had any kind of a serious “where-is-this-relationship-going-and-what-do-I-want” talk. So I’m curious, Copious Readers, what do you think he’s trying to tell me (if anything)? And how should I respond?

— L


1. Jenn - July 24, 2009

That’s awesome! The guy I’m dating would love it too and I’d totally send it to him except that we definitely aren’t ‘casual’ so I’d be scared of what it might appear to imply. If you guys are truly casual, and he knows that, then I wouldn’t read to much into it – my guess is that he just thought it was cool and wanted to share. If anything, maybe he wants you to think he’s not the type to take weddings all that seriously (does he know about this blog?). But if you aren’t sure that he also is thinking it’s casual, then I’d probably talk to him – I wouldn’t mention the video but two months seems long enough to have a conversation to make sure you’re both on the same page.

2. Jenn - July 24, 2009

p.s. It might mean even less than you think since it looks like this video is just making the rounds on the internet – I just saw that a friend posted this on her Facebook an hour ago.

onely - July 24, 2009

Whew, Jenn — this is relieving!!! Here I was worried that he was planning a wedding or something 🙂

I think it’s funny, but it made me realize that maybe it’s about time for a “same page” convo. 🙂


3. autonomous - July 24, 2009

I loved this!! And I think Jenn is spot on about not reading too much into it. If you and this guy have good senses of humor, it seems nothing more than naturally wanting to share a great laugh. Funny, I too wondered for a moment if he perhaps had taken a look at some of these posts and though you would get a kick out of this- we’re not exactly conformists here either!

4. Singlutionary - July 25, 2009

First of all this wedding is brilliant. What a wonderful way to involve a community of people in celebration. If you’re going to get married, I’d like to make the argument that this is a wedding in Onely/Singlutionary style.

2nd of all. If this is the kind of wedding the man wants to have, I think he is obviously an informal, collaborative and joyful person. And someone like that is likely to be able to share intimacy without socially imposed restraints.

So enjoy your conversation with him about “hey. i don’t want to get married period. no matter how freaking fun the literal walk down the isle may be. and speaking of fun, we’re just having fun here. OK”

onely - July 25, 2009

Haha. I love your last para. above, Singlutionary. My reply to him was basically, “If I were to get married, it would be like this, without the ceremony.”

I’m hoping that sends about the right message 🙂


5. Singlutionary - July 25, 2009

Lisa, It occurs to me that your life already IS like the-video-without-the-ceremony. You celebrate relationships and are surrounded by loving community (on and off line). And, even better than the video you get to dance the whole time (the bride didn’t) and the person doing cartwheels in your life switches every once in a while.

I think you sent the perfectly right message.

onely - July 27, 2009

awww, this is such an excellent metaphor you’ve made, Singlutionary! Thanks 🙂


6. bobby - July 26, 2009

I saw this vid recently on one of the forums I frequent. I have to say I enjoyed it 🙂
Hey, if you’re going to celebrate something, why not make it a blast?

onely - July 27, 2009

exactly! Why be all stuffy about it?


7. Sixty and Single in Seattle - July 26, 2009

Love this video! I have no interest in a gift-registry without a wedding (or even with a wedding!) — see your previous blogpost — but I could go for a processional like this, groom or not!

Re the conversation, a man recently said to me, and I thought it was perfectly put, “What are you looking for, from me?”

onely - July 27, 2009

Ha — so straightforward. So simple.



8. Writer Vixen Explains It All - July 27, 2009

Lisa, this is brilliant! I have no idea who you’re dating, and already I’m thinking he’s a fun, interesting, quirky guy whom you’re probably having a good time with. 😉

I especially love the way the bride dances down the aisle by herself, and then the groom comes and dances her the rest of the way to the altar. It’s not only fun, it’s a terrific metaphor for beginning their lives together on a certain note. This actually reminds me of the end of “Hitch” — there’s a wonderful (and similar) dance montage at the wedding reception as the credits roll.

What’s he saying? I think the vid’s a message about where his head is at the moment. I vote, “Not opposed to a deeper commitment, but let’s create a connection that truly reflects who we are together, rather than blindly conforming to other peoples’ expectations. Are you game?”

I know lots of women who wouldn’t think this was a cool processional. And yet it’s clearly struck a chord — that video was posted a week ago, and it’s already had nearly 8.5 million views.

So spill! Any news now that the weekend’s done? 😉

onely - July 27, 2009

Well, Vixen, the post above is about as revealing as I’m going to get about my relationship with this guy. But I do love your interpretation of what the vid “means.” Thanks for your thoughts!

— L

9. Vanessa - August 7, 2009

Here’s a spoof that you might appreciate:

onely - August 8, 2009

HAHA thanks Vanessa! That was hilarious. Better than the original, even? = )

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