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“True Forced Loneliness” = Crazy, Creepy, and Sad Sad Sad! August 6, 2009

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought.
Tags: , , , , , , ,

If you’ve been watching the news, you’ve heard about the tragic and unsettling shooting of three women at a Pittsburgh gym by George Sodini. And now the media is digging up all kinds of evidence that illustrates not only that Sodini was mentally ill (duh), but also deeply misogynistic (check out this excellent article from Jezebel). Indeed, Sodini apparently maintained a blog, two Web sites and even posted YouTube videos that substantiate just how much he hated women, and this other article (also from Jezebel) makes a convincing case for why/how we should understand Sodini’s actions, as well as other recent mass murders, as a hate crime against women.

And if you start digging, Sodini’s complaints – that women are to blame for why he led such a miserable life – parallel complaints made by other misogynists, such as Roissy in DC, and hate movements, such as the (literally insane) group, True Forced Loneliness. According to Cracked.com, TFL is:

a budding subculture of men claiming that society was forcing them to be lonely. Three leaders had emerged through daily videos where they ramble on about their cause. Their names are Steve, Bill, and Dwayne.

To be fair, this sounds like an extremely small subculture, but with such violent undertones (and consequences), this series of links sends chills up my spine. As a woman, and as a feminist, I am profoundly sickened by this “movement.” But this also troubles me as a single person who advocates for public recognition of the “happiness” that I associate with my single life:

IT IS SO SAD to imagine these men feeling miserable and lonely because they are single — and IT IS INFURIATING to imagine these men blaming women for their situation!

And the rest? The rest makes me want to puke. Happy Friday, everyone. 😦

— L


1. Rachel - August 7, 2009

Reading the quotes from his blog on Jezebel shows just how pathetic this “logic” is: I hate everybody for hating me and wonder why everybody hates me. Well, if you go around spewing crap into people’s faces, guess what happens: People don’t like you! And this absurd idea that 30 million women rejected the guy. Yeah, sure, I rejected you! I didn’t even know you existed (until the newsreports) how the heck can I reject you?!? Pathetic!

But the scary thing is no matter how sick & pathetic these guys are, they can get a gun and end any of our lives. Now, that is a problem!

2. Rachel’s Musings » What is Success? - August 7, 2009

[…] what got me out of my funk this morning, is following the links in this post. Rather than wallowing in self-pity, I’d rather work toward a better […]

3. Lauri - August 7, 2009

So scary. I’ve seen some posts on my online dating site recently that are sort of like this types of ramblings. Actually got an IM once that really scared me. I also once read the forums on a sort of “game” site. I don’t think it’s purpose was really like the “game” stuff they point out on Jezebel, but I think some of the guys who use it think like that. (“Game”, whether it be this one particular brand they discuss on Jezebel or other broader concepts of it in general, is TERRIBLE in and of itself, even if the men don’t actually “hate” women-or realize that they do. The whole thing is based on the idea that women are nothing but objects, and the best object you score validates you. There’s all this stuff about “alpha” and “beta” makes, etc. It’s so disturbing). Anyway, this whole story kind of makes one nervous to reject someone!

onely - August 8, 2009

Agreed–also, I got a scary IM once too FWIW. Yeah, attractive.

4. Singlutionary - August 8, 2009

Puke. Puke. Puke.

5. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles - August 12, 2009

This whole Sodini thing highlights a movement that’s been gaining momentum for awhile now. It’s not just the “gaming” sites. If you go to any liberal, topical web site that encourages debate, such as Salon.com, you’ll see commenters spewing misogynist sentiments.

I’m reminded of how a prominent tech blogger was targeted a few years ago by some guys who didn’t like her site. I don’t remember whether she was the competition or whether they were just looking for some “fun,” but whatever it was, they tracked her down and started harassing her with vile, misogynistic comments that escalated to death threats. It got to the point that she had to shut down her blog and was afraid to leave her house.

In my mind, society’s failure to condemn this behavior demonstrates exactly how far we haven’t come. Yes, we get some outrage from the media when misogyny ends in murder. But where is the outrage over how these faceless men, hiding behind their modems, talk to and about women on the Internet?

The saddest thing is that some people seem to think this is a trend that sprung up on the Internet, that something about it has created misogynists where before there were one. I don’t think that’s it. Misogyny never disappeared. The Internet has just given it a big, loud, omnipresent voice. How tragic and frightening that, as we go about our business, working, shopping, exercising, living…we don’t know where that voice comes from.

6. Pop Culture, HOPE for the Onelys « Onely: Single and Happy - August 13, 2009

[…] solo activities, sololady, why i'm alone trackback Since last Friday I depressed you all with this post, I am happy to say that all is not lost for us single people and singles advocates, at least in […]

7. Justin - November 15, 2009

The men of TFL (and I use the term men loosely), are not blaming women for their unhappiness. They’re just blaming the government for why they can’t get laid. Totally different. 😛

8. Denny - January 6, 2010

These TFL guys are the epitome of what mental health doctors call “learned helplessness” Some people will just give and create elaborate excuses to justify failure in a certain area of life

Jody - August 28, 2022

Mental health doctors are not reliable sources of such information. Adam Lanza’s psychiatrist, Dr. Paul Fox, was a rapist.

9. Mike Ncholls - January 13, 2010

UNLESS you have lived your entire life without ONE SINGLE PERSON reaching out to you, you do not have a clue as to the pain it causes. I do not condone or justify murder, or behaving like a pig. But women should learn to look with better eyes than the ones they have.

Onely - January 13, 2010

I wouldn’t reach out to anyone who categorized my entire gender as having sub-par eyes.

Woman here - April 16, 2011

I have gone through forty years of life without one man reaching out to me, except to in two cases rape me, one case molest me, and all other cases play mind games with me. I’m female. I do not hate or want to rape or kill men as a result.

“Males” like you disgust me. Don’t you talk to me or any of the rest of us about what pain is. Until you have someone bigger than you decide he is entitled to push the end of a baseball bat up your rectum against your will, and how dare you object to that, and society, made up of these bigger creatures, agrees with him, you have very little concept what pain is.

Now go conquer the world, make $.05 more on the dollar than we do, leave some women pregnant and rape a few of us. After all, you’re in pain and you’re weaker than we, right?

10. Denny - November 8, 2010

These TFL people have made their own bed via their beliefs. They believe the world is a certain way and they will continue to find evidence that supports their view and will ignore an evidence to the contrary. Its a cult.

11. Matt - April 18, 2011

It seems to me the singles movement will never make any progress, whatsoever, as long as we sit around and argue about whether single men or single women have it worse. Who cares?! Let’s focus on being single *people*. The emerging singles movement needs to shun gender-based arguments and those who obsess over them.

12. rob - October 17, 2011

I am wondering if TFL is the result of what happens when severely mentally ill people discuss the REAL problem of loneliness. While I condemn the blaming of women for rape or violence what they say is NOT unlike what Jerry Falwell said about the causes of 911 who blamed the gays the “feminists” and all those who seek to pursue a secular lifestyle, that somehow America let its guard down by pursuing liberal ideas and Satan was allowed to “get away with it”. This was stated on National Television and even as horrifying as it was to listen to the media still paid this man respect after his passing. He is no less insane than these men or no more insane in my view. I think what happens is people are so desperate to know WHY some horrible thing is happening that people NEED to invent reasons for it in order to prevent or solve the problem. Unfortunately in this case it is tantamount to blaming real victims. No one would ever deny that 911 was a real tragedy simply because Jerry Falwell provided the wrong cause. But in the case of “being single” many many people DO
suggest that people should just “be happy being single” or “stop whining” about it. or whatever. TFL makes the clear point that the desire for human companionship is NOT trivial. Loneliness is a real problem. This is WHY TFL may be seen as attractive especially to a very frustrated group of men who ARE angry at having to hear that being single is “not a big deal” When people become desperate enough they MAY resort to behaviors like this. If we are to understand the psychology of people we cannot merely say “People should not do these things and leave it at that” It happens in many People who are in dire circumstances are NOT rational and unable to come up with solutions and therefore lash out at others. I am not even sure if TFL condone or condemn such acts. But what I do know is whether I agree with them or not is that I understand WHY they may say what they say however repulsive. Maybe people can derive a solution to TFL or otherwise understood as sexual/emotional deprivation for the rest of the world. Not all lonely people are as delusional as Bill Greathouse. But I bet a great number of them are as miserable or as frustrated.The TFL movement will lose its following if people are provided a more rational understanding why they are alone/single and what they can do to prevent or change their fate.

13. zippy - November 27, 2011

I use to have to work in an office with one of these disturbed individuals very scary!
He had an incredible hatred towards women he finally broke when he said he wanted to tie a woman who woked in our offices to a four poster bed and “poke her”
the woman naturally complained to her supervisors and this person was suspedend from work for six months but had to undergo phyciatric treatment.
However he still had not changed in fact he got worse and was fired.

I feel as a single guy who is love shy myself what would make a guy go to such extremes to place women in such danger and what drives these people to such hatred towards women

14. Nick - February 11, 2012

Morgan,this is pourefwl! It is going up on my lil blog and myspace. thank you for sendng it via twitter =)Danica(single moma)

15. But You’re Not REALLY BEAUTIFUL - March 8, 2012

[…] him say it. It was part of the creepy vibe I’d picked up. It was yet another encounter with a True Forced Loneliness (TFL) type. It’s quite common for such awkward young men to view women as their property; as […]

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