Onely.Org

Daily Dose of Fluff: Quotes About Relationship Status August 4, 2010

Dr. Mardy Grothe. I Never Metaphor I Didn’t Like: A comprehensive compilation of history’s greatest analogies, metaphors, and similies.  HarperCollins, New York, 2008.

Each of the below metaphors reflect truths and stereotypes in the way we view relationship status. Some are singlist, some are couplist, some are sexist, and some are just plain accurate, but they’re all great metaphors.

–Christina

I want to get married but I look at husbands the same way I look at tattoos. I want one, but I can’t decide what I want, and I don’t want to be stuck with something I’d grow to hate and have surgically removed. —Margaret Cho

Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.  –Bob Ettinger

I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.  —Bill Maher

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.  –Johnny Carson

Conjugality made me think of a three-legged race, where two people cannot go fast and keep tripping each other because their two legs are tied together.  –Brenda Ueland

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.  –Mary Kay Blakely

Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.  —Arthur “Bugs” Baer

A bachelor’s life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner.  –Francis Bacon

The chains of marriage are so heavy that it takes two to bear them, sometimes three.  —Alexandre Dumas Fils

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle.  —Heinrich Heine

Marriage is a psychological condition, not a civil contract and a license. Once a marriage is dead, it is dead, and it begins to stink faster than a dead fish.  —Robert A. Heilein

Marriage is very difficult. Marriage is like a five-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky.  —Cathy Ladman

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin; but twenty years of marriage make her look something like a public building.  —Oscar Wilde

Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in the brewery.  —George Jean Nathan

Photocredit: Lauralines