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STFU, Nicole Kidman December 29, 2010

Posted by Onely in Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys, STFU Celebrities.
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Welcome to the first installment in our new series: STFU, Celebrities, in which we wince and kvetch about Hollywood’s heteronormative, couple-driven culture.

I knew Nicole Kidman gave me the creeps, but I never knew why. Now I do! She is singlist in the most pathetic way–just because she can’t spend time by herself, she appears to take it for granted that everyone feels the same. According to the Daily Mail, Hello Magazine, and other illustrious news outlets, here’s what Kidman said about why she and husband Keith Urban named their daughter ‘Sunday’:

When we were both alone, before we met each other, Sunday was the day we dreaded most, because when you don’t have someone in your life Sundays can be really lonely.

Putting aside the fact that she has denigrated all her other relationships by not considering them “someone”, Kidman also appears to be pronoun-challenged. She should have said: “. . . When *I*, a beloved (except by Christina) movie star with friends and family and hobbies, don’t have someone in *my* life, Sundays can be really lonely”.  Or maybe “When *Keith and I* didn’t have someone in our lives. . .”

Am I harping on colloquial grammarisms, reading too much into an innocuous statement, as the internet trolls might say? I don’t think so. She continues the “suffering single saved by coupling” theme for a whole nother paragraph:

Then when we met, we went from dreading Sunday to really loving it. It was the day when nobody was going to bother you, you could stay in bed, you could do what you wanted to do.

That’s odd–you know why I like Sundays? Because it’s the day when nobody is going to bother me, I can stay in bed, and I can do what I want to do. I appreciate those things, even though I’m (gasp) single.

Copious Readers, how do you feel about Kidman’s statement? How do you feel about Sundays? (Note: A proper reason to dislike Sunday is because it comes before Monday. )

–Christina

P.S. Thanks to bangarang_dudette for flagging this on the Footloose Femails listserve.

Photo credit: muckster

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Comments»

1. downfromtheledge - December 30, 2010

I don’t think the way she feels about Sunday is any less valid than the way you do, and I didn’t see anything malevolent or pathetic about her expressing her genuine sentiments.

For someone like her, who used to revel in family and togetherness prior to her jackass husband abandoning her for a 12 yr-old, perhaps the favorite part of her week turned into a reminder of the loss.

Not everyone likes being alone or enjoys solitude. Especially if it’s NOT what you want most in life. It doesn’t imply friends/family are less important – they certainly don’t meet all our needs (sorry, not everybody has great people in their lives who are “there for them”). There’s no shame in wanting a life partner…people are entitled to their own kind of happiness, whatever that means to THEM.

Maybe I feel the need to back what she’s saying because I’ve felt that way myself. I’ve HAD those Sundays of laying in bed all day with someone, not a care in the world, and those are the days in life I’ve loved the most. Sometimes I really effing miss it. And if Keith Urban refused to let me leave the bedroom on Sundays…well, let’s just say I don’t think I’d trade it for a trip to the mall with one of the girls.

Onely - December 30, 2010

I definitely agree that there’s nothing wrong with having a particular time when you feel lonely, or with wanting a life partner. I also appreciate the point in your second para.

The problem (in my opinion), and when it turns pathetic, is when you allow a partnering to magically cure and add value to those lonely moments. What happens when the partner is gone? It’s ok to laud “lying in bed all day with someone,” but not, in my opinion, ok to presume that the same lying in bed *without* someone is awful.

The other problem is assuming other people feel the same way, which Kidman may or may not be doing (though I think she is). This perpetuates and further ingrains the stereotype (in this case, of the lonely/alone as inherently less satisfying than that coupling).

Christina

2. Contented Single - December 30, 2010

I’m Australian and have always regarded Nic as a bit of a twit as do many of us over here. I wouldn’t be listening to too much of anything she said. Afterall she was married to Tom Cruise for many years.

I think it’s worrying when people place too much value on being in a relationship and are unable to find contentment alone, especially for someone like Nic who has an interesting career, loving friends and family and no financial worries. What happens if the relationship dissolves? Is her life not worth living again?

Me, I love being single any day of the week. And on a Sunday I relish being able to do exactly as I want.

3. Sue - December 30, 2010

You ARE harping on grammar, to serve your own viewpoint of her-I’ve seen both Nicole and Keith speak of this in live broadcast interviews, so I get the context. What they clearly state is they didn’t like Sundays because they were lonely days for the both of them because they didn’t have a family of their own(not their parents, siblings, but a happy family unit of their own.) When they became a couple, hence family, they came to love that day because they weren’t lonely anymore. That’s all, that’s it. Nothing selfish or sinister. Can you not relate to ever having been lonely? Everyone can, they are lying if they say they never have been.

It’s a lovely sentiment, and you are being creepy by parsing the woman’s words to pieces. You don’t have to like her, or her acting, but it’s a bit odd to examine everything that comes out of her mouth to death. I just focus on what I like or don’t like in her career, and the women’s charities she supports, and don’t spend time examining her personal life and passing judgement when we don’t know what’s truly in her heart. Maybe that’s appropriate when we all become perfect. (in other words, for those slow to understand, that would be never-none of us should be throwing stones in glass houses.)

Sorry, but I can’t stand webpages and blogs that attack people. Being critical of someone’s job is one thing, attacking them personally is another. I just think it’s mean and bully-like. Certainly won’t be back to visit this site.

Alan - December 30, 2010

Goodbye then. This is a site for singles to talk about the issues and discrimination that they face. If that’s not of interest to you then you don’t belong here and thus I couldn’t care less about what you think.

Now, onto what Kidman actually said. Granted, I’m not sure that loneliness is the best reason to get married. Seems like you could find a solution to that outside of marriage. But I’m not sure what she said was really a disparagement of singles.

4. Brasco - December 30, 2010

Hey, if Ms. Kidman likes to spend her Sundays in bed with her man not feeling lonely and unhappy that is her business. I’m just glad that I get to spend my Sundays enjoying my hobbies, spending time with my friends and NOT worrying about whether my SO is going to stay sober and take more drugs, but that is just me. We all get what we want.

5. sue - December 30, 2010

I was going to stay away but wanted to clarify something for Alan who was bent on being rude. First. I am a single as well. so I am not sitting on a married high horse. I was simply saying the argument by the writer wasn’t effective because I heard the interview in its proper context. It came across as mean spirited which isnt necessary to make a point-that was mine. You also made the argument you shouldn’t marry out of loneliness–I agree. But Kidman didn’t marry out of loneliness based on what she said–she simply Sunday was a lonely day for her. I feel the same but that doesn’t mean she or I are unhappy being single or independent. But wanting to be with someone is no crime, feeling like you can’t survive unless you are a couple is.

Alan - December 30, 2010

I would point out that you also said “I can’t stand webpages and blogs that attack people”, and “it’s mean and bully-like”, and “Being critical of someone’s job is one thing, attacking them personally is another”, all of which strike me as a personal attack on the people who post on this site.

You also said you “won’t be back to visit this site”, but then you came back with another post. Which I have to point out is pretty inconsistent

joelus - January 5, 2011

Alan, no need to be rude. Sue, what Nicole said is that “when *you* don’t have someone in *your* life Sundays can be really lonely”. How can she tell you what you feel, she doesn’t even know you! If she had said “when I don’t have someone in my life Sundays can be really lonely” then that would be fine. Yes, it’s just grammer but that’s the thing with discrimination of any kind – it can creep into language to the extent that people don’t notice or pay any attention to it, but it’s still there.

6. Cynthia Vine - December 30, 2010

I love any day when I’m not at work. I enjoy my solitude. I feel sorry for people who feel to be in a relationship to feel happy. Relationships are such fleeting things. They’ll soon be lonely and unhappy again.

Matt - December 31, 2010

I’ll second that. Every once in a blue moon I even enjoy a day when I AM at work.

7. Lauri - January 4, 2011

I’ve always hated Sundays, including the periods I’ve been in relationships. First of all, my family always “bothers” me on Sundays, so that doesn’t change if I’m seeing someone. And as for staying in bed, I feel too much pressure to stay in bed when I’m seeing someone, I don’t get up and go to the gym or for a run as I do when I’m alone. Though lounging in bed is enjoyable at the time, it makes me feel guilty and anxious later!

8. Joan Price - January 8, 2011

Gosh, strong reactions on both sides here. I cringed at Kidman’s inability to relish a Sunday alone. (Personally, I find Sundays alone wonderful–time to read, time to walk in the park, time for a coffee date with a friend, time to write in my journal…)

I was surprised at the blog bashing in some of the comments. This IS a blog about celebrating being solo and exposing the discrimination and attitudes with which our society views the unpartnered. So of course it’s Christina’s “job” to bring this to our attention. That’s fine with me.

Joan Price


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