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Dreaming an Impossible Dream: Marriage January 16, 2012

Posted by Onely in Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Your Responses Requested!.
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Some people dream about getting married. Over here at Onely, we pride ourselves on rejecting that dream – or at least knocking it off its idyllic “dream” platform.

But what’s going on when a Oneler literally has a dream about getting married?

I’m not sure, but I can say this: It’s unsettling… Just over a week ago, I woke up at 4am remembering that I’d almost gotten married; as I put the strange pieces together and recalled the emotions I felt during the dream, I worried: did my psyche just make me a traitor to my Oneliness?

Here’s what happened: I was minding my own business, hanging out with a man of slight proportions (he was short and slim, and otherwise generally unattractive to me), when all of a sudden… I was preparing to get married! The man disappeared, and I headed to the ceremony: I was wearing cut-off jean shorts and a pink tank-top. I remember feeling a little embarrassed but thought it wouldn’t matter much. I arrived at the ceremony, and found that it was to be held in the lobby of a cheap-looking hotel — the surroundings reminded me of a ’50s-era Howard Johnson motel (something like this). In one corner of the lobby, a group of men in business attire huddled together, ignoring the small group of people waiting for me. Everyone (except for the men in business suits) was sitting on the floor. The man I had been with before materialized and was also on the floor (kneeling instead of sitting). I was expected to kneel too. As I made my way to my “position” in front of everyone, I remember feeling very uncomfortable – all eyes were on me and I didn’t feel “beautiful” or “happy.” Honestly, I didn’t feel much of anything (except discomfort). I certainly didn’t want to be married, but I didn’t feel I could resist, either. So I was prepared to go through with it, with a man whom I didn’t find particularly attractive or engaging. And then it turned out that my betrothed had neglected to write his vows, and it turned out I was about to marry a lazy unattractive idiot, which added to my general embarrassment, and then…

I woke up. And thank god for that, because – holy shit! – I almost got married

Perhaps it was the jetlag (I just returned from the U.S.), but I find it significant that I couldn’t fall asleep after that. I just kept replaying the dream in my mind, wondering where in the world it had come from, how I could possibly have given in to the “dream” of marriage – especially when I didn’t want it, didn’t like my future spouse, and wasn’t even dressed appropriately!

Copious Readers, I hope you can help me interpret this: What does it mean when a Oneler dreams about marriage?

— Lisa

photo credit: Varia


1. singlutionary - January 16, 2012

Hahahhaaa. Doesn’t sound like you betrayed your Onely perspective at all! It sounds pretty much the way many of us feel about marriage — a false, unattractive ideal which we can’t culturally escape.

If you ever do get married, I hope you wear a pink wifebeater and cutoffs. I think you might have been channeling Britney Spear’s 1st Las Vegas wedding in your dream attire.

Onely - January 17, 2012

Thanks, Singlutionary — your interpretation of my dream gives me a good deal of relief! But I have no doubt that if I ever find myself getting married, I’ll be wearing the wrong thing 🙂

2. Rem Anon - January 16, 2012

Haha, this sounds like a really onely kind of dream to have about marriage. I’ve never put much stock in dreams – mine are typically bizarrely random and have no bearing on my life or things I’ve been doing/watching/reading. There have been a few exceptions, of course, but really I think it’s just our brains defragging (if you don’t mind a computer analogy).
You were tired and stressed (travel can be stressful both mentally and physically) and while dreams like this can have a visceral, emotional impact, that doesn’t mean that it means anything.

Mathy - February 10, 2012

January 16, 2009 P150K?!!?!?SERIOUSLY?!!? haha. asan na yang mga keotsng yan! Ilabas na yan! Haha

3. Rem Anon - January 16, 2012

Haha, here’s a possible explanation for dreaming that: survival tactics. I thought I remembered the gist of this article, and I managed to find it again: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200710/dreams-night-school
Perhaps this dream was your brain’s way of preparing for the possibility of this “false, unattractive ideal which we can’t culturally escape.” (Thanks, singlutionary.)

Onely - January 17, 2012

Poor rats!!!! But great article otherwise 🙂

4. Onely - January 17, 2012

Oddly, the same week that Lisa had her dream, and before we discussed her dream, I *also* dreamed I was married to, or at least cohabitating with, some man.

Is there some marriage-dream miasma in the air? Or is this an example of Onely psychic bonding? Who knows! In my dream, I was not as distressed as Lisa, perhaps because in the dream my man was fixing something in the wall while I sat on the couch relaxing.

This probably says scary things about the state of my subconscious and my beliefs about what I can fix around the house myself and what I need help with. But so what. = )

Onely - January 17, 2012

That’s weird! And you didn’t tell me about this dream — perhaps it’s because I told you about my dream and it got into your subconscious?

Glad you had someone to fix things for you, though. That’s not so bad

— L

5. clofa - January 17, 2012

LOL, it seemed more like a nightmare to me!
Though I hate wedding rings (because of their enslavement symbolism), I like those in your picture with the runic letters, they look nice.

Onely - January 17, 2012

Clofa — yeah, let’s just think about those rings as nice rings to put on our fingers, not as symbols of anything. Right?

— L

6. Alan - January 17, 2012

Could be a variation of the common anxiety dream…ie you dream that you’re about to take a test in a class that you failed to attend, that sort of thing. Only yours is about marriage rather than school.

Onely - January 17, 2012

Ah, good point Alan! Maybe my brain had to replace school with marriage because I’m all finished with school now…!

— L

7. bethismyname3@hotmail.com - January 20, 2012

I’ve been reading and enjoying this blog… just started one of my own for 2012 on the challenges of being never married, childless, and over 40: thebitterbabe.wordpress.com

8. April - January 24, 2012

Lisa & Christina, There’s blog bling for you at my blog today.

Onely - January 25, 2012

Thanks April! We appreciate the shout-out and are happy to have enthusiastic readers and bloggers like you, as that inspires us to keep writing. I tried to comment at itsallaboutbalance but blogger hates me and wouldn’t accept my captcha, so i couldn’t log in.
Cc (and Lisa)

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