Onely and Only Sitting in a Tree. . . Shoving Off Amatonormativity September 27, 2013
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought.Tags: a positive blog for singles, Abbe Wright, Nilofer Merchant, Syria
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Onely, pronunced Wun-lee, is a blog dedicated to dismantling cultural stereotypes of single people and the laws that discriminate against them.
I write this little reminder because even though our Copious Readers all know our mission (and our mission should be–we hope–clear to new readers on our About Onely page), Lisa and I have been away from the blogosphere for a while, due to sickness and Syria (long stories, both).
Then I found something I thought would make for a short, smooth post (with longer, stickier posts to follow after we regain our footing). Onlyness. Pronounced Ohn-lee-ness and not to be confused with Oneliness, pronounced Wun-lee-ness.
Although the two do flatter each other. See:
In a little article in Oprah Magazine, Abbe Wright quotes Silicon Valley corporate something or other Nilofer Merchant, who tells us not to judge our lives by the timelines that other people follow. That’s so 1950s! So what if all your girlfriends have babies and you’re not married? Embrace your Onlyness!
Onlyness is the spot in which only you inhabit–a mix of the history, experiences, and ideas that make up your life story. If you deny it by engaging in ‘comparisonitis’, you’ll miss your true value.
Copious Readers, such is my dedication to you that in order to bring you this bit of wisdom I even admitted that I buy Oprah magazine though only that one time in the checkout line and I swear I can quit whenever I want except she tells me how to be happy and not worry and I really really need just one more fix of that. . .
–Christina
Citation: Oprah, October 2013, 140.
Snark: I may have to cite her, but I don’t have to Tag her.
Onely.Org 
I love this!! I feel like I have been on a journey to learn how to decompare myself to others for some time now and struggling with how to justify my experience if I can’t hold it up to the light of other people’s (which, of course, often becomes an act of degradation). I have been working on sitting in a state of being that allows myself to be the root of my own value–if that makes sense–and to be ok with the uneasy strangeness that comes from knowing my value as a person is inherent in my meness, rather than on how I score on an imagined, but also socially constructed, standardized test of social norms.
Phew, that’s a mouthful. But anyways, onlyness sums up that search for personal value beautifully.
Love it ! Wish I had grasped that concept 50 years ago.