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Sillybacy: The Funnier Side of The No-Sex Oath January 10, 2014

As our Copious Readers at Onely know, some single people have lots of sex, some have (ahem) rather middling amounts, and some have no sex at all. What? None?

For unmarried or uncoupled people who want sex but aren’t having any, this seems like quite the problem. But many people actually choose or swear to be celibate–maybe for a pre-determined period, maybe permanently, or maybe for an indeterminate amount of time after (ahem) a particularly bad first date, involving an argument about ice cream in a public parking lot and also (don’t ask) beansprouts.

But despite all these different kinds of celibacy, when most people hear “celibacy”, our knee-jerk reaction is,

Difficult. Extreme. Embarrassing to discuss, especially with the perpetrator.

So I am pleased to flag for you this tongue-in-cheek list on the blog of a Catholic priest friend of mine, which explains why being celibate isn’t so celibad* after all.

My favorites are number 1:

Considerably more time for reading

And number 6:

Considerably more time for reading

But there’s way more. So no matter your sexual status, check out the list.

And if you’re like me and sick of links, then just scroll a little further and you can see the list cut-and-pasted (old school!) from Father Mark’s site, with his permission.

–Christina

*Sorry about that. I couldn’t resist.

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10 CELIBACY PLUSES, by Father Mark White:

1. Considerably more time for reading.

2. I can sing as loud as I want in the car, and no one minds.

3. Every time a baby has vomited sputum on my shoulder, or gone to the bathroom in my arms, I have gotten huge credit for being a stand-up guy. Absolutely every time.

4. No chance that any child of mine will ever go to Duke or UConn, or grow up and marry a Cowboys fan.

5. Whenever I go to a meeting in the principal’s office, it’s the principal who’s in trouble.

6. Considerably more time for reading.

7. The people who get disappointed in me because I’m a goofball rarely have an opportunity to let me know.

8. Whenever someone in the house yells at the dishes in the sink, I am never in the dark as to what happened to cause this.

9. No father-in-law gives me weird looks while I read a Jane Austen novel during commercial breaks in Thanksgiving football.

10. Sure, I have a hundred times more people who expect me to read their minds on a daily basis. But I don’t have to share a bathroom with any of them.

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Photo credit: Martin Beek

Photo note: I chose this photo because it came up under my search for “single bed” and indeed it does look kind of like a single bed, but it could also be a queen–my point being that single people don’t always want or need to sleep in single beds, whether they are celibate or not. (This parallels the fact that realtors don’t need to show single people smaller houses—which they regularly do). I also chose the photo because it has two chairs, representing that celibate does not equate with lonely.