Australian Singledom vs. U.S. Singledom (Donna Ward Interview, Part 1) May 24, 2021
Posted by Onely in book review, Guest Posts, Reviews.Tags: Australian marriage, childfree, childless, Donna Ward, She I Dare Not Name, single memoir, unmarried author
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Welcome to the latest installment in our series, Onelers Of The World. Today I’m talking to Australian author Donna Ward, who wrote the lyrical and incisive memoir She I Dare Not Name: A spinster’s meditations on life. It’s available on Kindle and in Australia now, and it’s releasing in the U.S. on 01 June 2021! As I was reading it, I highlighted the bejeezus out of every page. After much difficulty, I narrowed my myriad highlights into a few key bullets that I wanted to ask Donna to talk to you about directly, in what ended up being a three-part interview. This first part concerns the differences between U.S. American and Australian views of singledom.
This woman is not a ghost come to claim you. You are not free to flirt with her. She won’t want to go home with you unless you enjoy her company, and she yours. She is not in search of a mercy fuck. She is not a threat to your marriage. The silence in her soul is not a harbinger of death, it simply comes of keeping company with solitude. This woman is not a bunny-boiler. All the bunny-boilers she knows are ex-wives.
—Donna Ward, She I Dare Not Name. Allen & Unwin 2021
Christina to Donna: You had a fascinating insight when an American acquaintance asked you if you’re “happy being a singleton.” You realized that only an American would ask this. When I read your rationales, my mind went BOOM. (A good boom.) Could you explain for my readers why your acquaintance’s question was arguably uniquely American? (more…)
Onely Talks about Rebellious Singles (On the Solo Podcast) April 29, 2021
Posted by Onely in Great Onelies in History, Profiles.Tags: Bessie Coleman, Charles Brandt, historic singles, Solo podcast
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Welcome to the latest edition of our series Great Onelers In History. Lisa and I recently had the honor of joining singles advocate Peter McGraw on his progressive podcast Solo –The Single Person’s Guide to a Remarkable Life. Our theme was Rebellious Singles (with a side of Cat Lady Trope). I loved all the awesome unmarried historical figures we selected to profile, but perhaps my favorite was Lisa’s great uncle Charles Brandt, the hermit. He recently passed away, leaving an amazing legacy of social activism and environmental work that shattered my notions of what it means to be a hermit–and also made me totally jealous of Lisa’s esteemed genetic makeup! (Photo by Grant Callegari)
One of the pathbreaking singles we talked about was Bessie Coleman, the first Black pilot. NOT THE FIRST “BLACK WOMAN” PILOT–THE FIRST BLACK PILOT, PERIOD! I need to point this out, because if you google “first black pilot” you end up with Eugene Bullard, the first black American military pilot. WRONG! Bessie Coleman was the first black pilot. (more…)
Onelers of the World: China Edition April 11, 2021
Posted by Onely in Great Onelies in Real Time, Great Onely Activities, Onelers of the World, Profiles, single and happy.Tags: China road trip, Joy Dong, single in China, Su Min, Vivian Wong
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Welcome to the latest installment in our series Onelers of the World (or, as autocorrect deliciously calls it, Omelets of the World). Here we flag stories of interesting, empowered, and unique single people who are not based in the United States. As our Copious Readers know, the progressive singles’ movement remains heavily focused on U.S. white cis-hetero women, and therefore we here at Onely would like to hear more from and about singles who identify as people of color, cis-hetero men, and/or LGBTQA, as well as single people of all stripes who live outside of the U.S. Meanwhile, here’s a little something from big China. Thanks to author and singles advocate Donna Ward of Melbourne, Australia for flagging this article for us.
Every so often you read a news article about someone and think, “I want to be best friends with that person!” My most recent fantasy best friend is Ms. Su Min of Henan Province, who at 56 left her abusive husband and started driving across China, camping on a tent on top of (on top of!) her car.
There’s a photo of her cartop tent in the NYT article about Ms. Su by Joy Dong and Vivian Wang. The profile is chock full of gem sentences describing her chutzpah, so my post is going to contain a lot of quotes (with apologies and gratitude to Dong and Wang). Here’s a summary: (more…)
Valentine’s Day and Singles Empowerment Day: Recommended Reading February 15, 2021
Posted by Onely in book review.Tags: Elizabeth Bell, Lazare Family Saga, Lost Saints, Native Stranger, Necessary Sins, Sweet Medicine
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For a combo celebration of Valentine’s Day (14 February) and Singles Empowerment Day (15 February), I want to flag a beautifully written and meticulously researched historical fiction series that examines religion, racial identity, ablism, cross-cultural conflicts. . . and romance. Lots and lots of romance. If that seems like a strange reading recommendation for a blog built on challenging our couple-obsessed culture, hear me out: (more…)
My Office Gets Singlist About COVID-19 January 28, 2021
Posted by Onely in As If!.Tags: office singlism, semi-geriatric cats, single in COVID
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So the other morning, I walked into the lobby of my office building and saw these helpful hints on the digital message board:
Living Single in COVID:
Structure your time
Treat yourself well
Maintain a schedule
I watched the board for a minute to see if it would give me advice on living coupled in COVID. I knew it wouldn’t, and it didn’t. The board flicked to a new screen that told me masks were required in the building, and that yoga class would be in the gym at 12:00.
There’s been discussion in the singles advocacy community about whether it’s appropriate to single out (sorry) singles during COVID as needing special help. (more…)
Kamala Harris’ Singles Comments: Problematic or Progressive? November 8, 2020
Posted by Onely in Celebrities, Food for Thought.Tags: Kamala Harris, Pandemic
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Now that we in the U.S. have narrowly dodged the apocalypse (so far), we can start holding the new presidential administration accountable for singlist language. My fellow intrepid singles advocates Dr. Craig Wynne and Dr. Bella DePaulo have written about the repeated and problematic use of the term “families” by politicians on both sides of the aisle. But today I want to examine a different sort of relationship rhetoric. Twice in the last year, Kamala Harris has said variations of this statement:
Let’s remember to check in on our single friends.
Is this progressive or problematic? Considerate or patronizing? (more…)
When Singlism Turns Dangerous: The National Alliance on Mental Illness September 25, 2020
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought.Tags: National Alliance on Mental Illness, Smiling Depression
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The National Alliance on Mental Illness published an article about smiling depression that was good, except for this part in the second paragraph:
People with smiling depression are often partnered or married, employed and are quite accomplished and educated. Their public, professional and social lives are not struggling. Their façade is put together and accomplished.
It’s common to see marriage, which is not inherently positive, lumped in with a list of attributes that are arguably inherently positive (employment, education, accomplished). I can think of several fiction and nonfiction books on my shelves that use similar groupings to describe people. My favorite was when an author described a woman accused by consipiracy theorists of masterminding an elder-killing scheme–the author said this was ridiculous, in part because the woman was “married with two children.” (more…)
I Prefer a Team to a Spouse September 2, 2020
Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities.Tags: cat kids, real friends help you move bodies, support for single people
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If you are single and live alone, you need to be prepared to deal with random catastrophes. Generally, I handle stuff ok. Like the time I returned from a long workday, opened the front door, and wondered to myself, “Why is it raining inside the house?” (Answer: Spontaneous toilet tank crack.) I managed the flood just fine. But recently I encountered a problem I couldn’t manage at all. So I had to call in Team Christina.
Dr. Peter McGraw of Solo and Craig Wynne of The Happy Bachelor have talked about how single people have “teams,” and Dr. Bella DePaulo has said that married people have The One and singles have The Ones. I have been assembling an ad-hoc Team Christina during the two decades I’ve lived in Northern Virginia. Mostly the Team was just for hanging out, sharing Netflix shows, and reassuring me that my author photos didn’t make me look like a serial killer. The latent power of Team Christina only became clear when I found my sweet little cat dead in the basement window well.
BOOK REVIEW: An Unnecessary Woman by Rabih Alameddine August 21, 2020
Posted by Onely in book review, Reviews.Tags: An Unnecessary Woman, Lebanese Civil War, Living Single, Rabih Alameddine
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An Unnecessary Woman, by Rabih Almameddine Grove Press, New York, 2013.
In the comments on an earlier post, our Copious Reader clofa recommended some books and authors. I picked up An Unnecessary Woman because it was the only one of the books in my library system. And I’m so glad I did! Thanks, clofa. I read it in two sittings, and I would have read it in one sitting, but unfortunately a girl’s gotta sleep and do personal hygiene.
Clofa warned that some of her friends found it depressing, and yes, it is depressing. But it’s also uplifting and I find so much to identify with. (more…)
Europe Lets People in to See Loved Ones–But Only If They Are Having Sex August 16, 2020
Posted by Onely in As If!.Tags: European Union travel ban, Love Is Not Tourism, Regressive Ideas
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Apparently this is a thing that exists: the “Love Is Not Tourism” campaign, whose pinned Tweet reads:
Binational couples and families have been separated for almost half a year due to Covid-19 travel bans. Help us reunite them!
Normally I’d write this Twitter account off as some regressive, small-minded Tweeter not worth my time, but unfortunately, Forbes is taking them seriously, and so are many European countries. According to the Forbes article, countries are developing various policies allowing people to reunite despite travel bans. The problem? Every policy favors romantic relationships over non-romantic relationships.
Regarding the implementation of these waivers, the EU Commissioner for Home Affairs tweeted that states should use “as wide a definition of partnerships as possible”. This sounds very noble and inclusive, until you realize that the definition is not inteded to expand wider than romantic relationships, which essentially means people who are having committed sex, or people who have committed to having committed sex in the future. (more…)
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