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The Dangers of Living Alone July 18, 2010

Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities.
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6 comments

Yeah yeah, all sorts of perils come with living alone: close encounters with burglars and choking on melba toast and slipping in the shower and being crushed by falling sofabeds (or maybe that last one’s just me). But the real danger I want to talk about is–accidentally peeing in front of strangers. Yes, it’s a hazard all you intrepid alone-dwellers need to know about.  Or you do if you’re the kind of person who habitually pees with the bathroom door open because there’s no one around to see you.

How easy it is to drink too much soda water and then run to the bathroom and begin your autopilot pee routine, which involves pulling down your pants and sitting on the seat, but does not include shutting the door. How easy to forget that the plumber is upstairs working on your showerhead.

This happened to me the other day, and I only remembered I wasn’t alone when I heard his footsteps coming down the stairs towards the hallway where I sat on the pot in flagrante (I’m not sure what that means exactly, but how it sounds is how I felt). “Quick! Close the door!” you might have said, had I been the star of a wierd indie film and you an audience member. Ah, easier said than done.

Whenever I do try to close the door, the thick turquoise towel under the kitty litter box wedges the door halfway open.  From my perch I could see the plumber’s thighs, then his torso, thumping downwards next to the bannister. Like in any good Bourne or Bruce Willis film (I’m scrapping the indie metaphor), I had about two seconds to make a crucial decision before the plumber’s head came into view and he turned towards the hallway–should I try to unwedge the towel and close the door, or should I yank my pants up?

I chose to unwedge. Copious Readers, what would you have done? I know you think you probably would not have been so silly (or, to take  Freudian stab at it, so unconsciously exhibitionist?) to have left the door open in the first place. But I still felt it my duty to warn you.

–Christina

Photo credit: Flying Pig Beach Hostel

Scourge of the Onelers: The Michigan Appeals Court July 16, 2010

Posted by Onely in As If!, Heteronormativity.
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1 comment so far

As a proud and loyal Michigander, I’m peevish that the Michigan Appelate Court ruled that an unmarried woman has no right to custody of her non-biological children, even though she helped raise them for almost a decade. More details about this issue–which touches both singles’ rights and gay rights–are available here, on Change.org.  Pshaw.

–Christina

P.S. I’m also peevish about the term “Michigander”, which sounds like a kind of Japanese waterfowl.

Photo Credit: Library of Congress

Chelsea’s Wedding “Most Important Thing” in Hillary’s Life Right Now July 5, 2010

Posted by Onely in As If!.
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13 comments

Oh no she didn’t! Oh yes she did. According to BBC, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told Polish television reporters that her daughter Chelsea’s wedding

Truly is the most important thing in my life right now.

Oh good, because that pesky Armenian-Azeri conflict was getting old.

Don’t worry, America–despite being on a whirlwind diplomatic mission to Eastern Europe, Clinton says she has “been able to fit in tastings and dress selections and all the other things the mother of the bride has to do”.

I would expect someone who put eighteen million cracks in the glass ceiling to be imaginative and open-minded about the meaning of a wedding, not to parrot traditional roles rooted in sexism and materialism.

And regardless of whether Chelsea’s ceremony is tacky or tasteful, it should still not be a priority for Clinton. She has a responsibility to the people of the U.S. and the world to prioritize her political obligations and power, for which she fought so hard and for which so many people supported her.

I realize we all have things in our lives to which we attribute unreasonable importance.  For me, my persistent oily scalp  often seems far more important and devastating than, say, Hezbollah‘s latest hijinks.  But here’s the thing–I would never say so out loud.  (more…)

Marital Privilege and the Law: Onely Guest-Posts at Living Single June 29, 2010

Posted by Onely in Guest Posts, Singled Out.
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6 comments

Interested in how, exactly, marital privilege is embedded the in U.S. federal law? We were too: Check out our guest posts over at Bella DePaulo’s blog on Psychology Today, Living Single — here are the links: Part I and Part II.

Extra special thanks to Bella for hosting us! We’re truly flattered 🙂

— Lisa and Christina

All The Single (Non-Slutty) Ladies June 29, 2010

Posted by Onely in Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys.
13 comments

We already wrote about this Today Show blurb that touts the awesomeness of older single women. But one thing bothered me about the clip that I didn’t mention–until now. The intro opens with the catchy Beyonce song, “All The Single Ladies.” Our most hard-core Copious Readers already know the problem with this.  Have a look at the lyrics before I launch into my tirade:

Now put your hands up
Up in the club, we just broke up
I’m doing my own little thing
you decided to dip but now you wanna trip
Cuz another brother noticed me
I’m up on him, he up on me
dont pay him any attention
cuz i cried my tears, gave three good years
Ya can’t be mad at me

[Chorus]
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it (more…)

Please Don’t Ask Me Out. June 24, 2010

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Dating, Food for Thought, Just Saying..
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21 comments

No really, I mean it. It’s not only because I don’t find you attractive, or because you’re 15 years (or more?) older than me, or because starting a relationship is nowhere on my to-do list.

It’s because, when I signed up to be a member of this public hiking group, I did so specifically because it was not geared toward singles, nor did it seem to be grounded on the premise that “meeting people” really meant “finding someone to date.” I signed up because the group already had 800+ members on its roster, so I thought I would enjoy relative anonymity and wouldn’t stand out as “fresh meat.” I looked forward to meeting new and interesting people at each hike (one of whom turned out to be you), but I also liked knowing that I wouldn’t feel pressure to attend every event or make friends unless I wanted to. More than anything, all I really wanted was to enjoy the Great Outdoors with like-minded people.

I definitely wasn’t looking for a date. (more…)

Even Coupled, You Can Still Die Alone June 16, 2010

Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities, Everyday Happenings, Food for Thought.
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5 comments

This is a follow-up post to Lisa’s piece about the importance of support networks in old age. We’ve all heard the stereotype that if you’re single, you risk dying “alone” in a small apartment and being eaten by your pets. I just wanted to point out that even if you are happily married after almost forty years, you can still die alone.

My parents have been married for thirty-seven years and still love each others’ company. They enjoy relatively good health and we’re a fortunate family all around. That said, recently on my first day back home for vacation, my mom fell off the attic stairs and broke her knee in quite a dramatic fashion. She couldn’t even sit up, the pain was so nauseating and intense. I was there to call 911 and, per the operator’s instructions, shut Charlie the cat in the bathroom where he wouldn’t be underfoot for the paramedics (or eat my mom).

(more…)

Bad Onely Activities: Killer Chairs June 14, 2010

Posted by Onely in Bad Onely Activities.
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9 comments

Although here at Onely we enjoy being single, sometimes we write about ill-considered or unfortunate activities that remind us that being coupled (or at least, living with someone) does have some advantages. Are these Bad Onely Activities bad enough that we should change our single status in order to avoid them? Read the following example and decide.

I felt sick one recent Friday night, and as I often do when I feel sick, I get an urge to move furniture. (Maybe it’s an attempt to reset my qi by altering the feng-shui of my house.)  On the evening in question I decided that The Chair needed to go downstairs, STAT. I was having a gas fireplace installed in the basement and needed somewhere to sit and cozy up in front of the flames. Note that the fireplace was only partially installed at the time, and not even close to functional. But that The Chair needed to be downstairs now, tonight, in mere anticipation of the day when the fireplace would be complete and I could curl up in front of it.

The Chair had upholstery the consistency of old rec room carpet. A series of cats had clawed down the armrests so that bare wood showed through in spots. It was wide but still narrower than the staircase it needed to travel down. It was also very, very heavy.

At about 8:30 pm I dragged the chair to the top of the staircase. I intended a controlled push down the carpeted stairs. Slowly I shoved the chair down one step, then two, then three. Then the sofa bed inside unfolded.

Sofa bed? No one had slept on that sofa bed since my grandfather, and he’d been dead for thirty years. I forgot there was a sofa bed. (more…)

Matrimania Gone Terribly Wrong (At least we think so) June 11, 2010

Posted by Onely in Your Responses Requested!.
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6 comments

Christina and I are slightly wary of posting this, because we do not want to appear insensitive or overly critical about what is obviously a very sad situation that we are grateful we are not in, but we read about this a few days ago and can’t stop thinking about it… So we’d like your help analyzing the situation.

Here’s the story: A wedding party’s bus got hit in Indianapolis over the weekend, one of the groomsmen died, and multiple people were injured. The couple exchanged vows at the hospital, and even continued with the reception that evening (it sounds as though they may have turned the reception into a prayer service/remembrance for the groomsman who was killed, but it’s unclear from the article).

This marriage is being presented (at least in this article) as a triumph over tragedy, but we personally find it unsettling. How can this couple’s marriage, which turns the attention to them and away from the victim, be interpreted as “mak[ing] the best out of a bad situation”? That’s a direct quote from one of the nurses. Notably, neither the bride nor groom is quoted. It could be that the couple wanted the entire thing kept private, but the media and hospital staff made a huge matrimaniacal deal out of it, adding cookies and reportage–and turning the couple into the stars of the show, the show that weddings are “supposed” to be.

We wonder if clinical shock may have played a role in their decision to go ahead with the service. People are raised to think of weddings as inherently comforting and magical–so when you’re upset and vulnerable, why wouldn’t you reach out for something with that power? The hospital staff probably had similar thoughts, which is why they facilitated the impromptu wedding.

Should we or should we not be astounded that the marriage aura is seen as so powerful it can be used as currency to offset or mitigate the knowledge of a friend’s body lying in the morgue several stories below? Copious Readers, what are your thoughts about this? Is this an example of matrimania gone terribly wrong (as we suggest in the title of this post), or are we being too critical?

— Lisa and Christina

Honorary Onelers: Corporate Version! June 9, 2010

Posted by Onely in Everyday Happenings, Honorary Onely Awards.
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3 comments

Today Onely would like to honor Morgan Stanley. After some hefty research involving a happy hour with friends at a sushi restaurant, I learned that Morgan Stanley provides (at least in some circumstances) health insurance benefits to non-married couples. My friend’s friend “Monique” is moving to Budapest to join her British boyfriend “Kurtis”, who works there for Morgan Stanley. She quit her steady government job to do this, so she’s taking a bit of a risk (and all the more so because Hungarian is a very difficult language–after all, they spell my name Chrisztina!).  Kudos to Morgan Stanley for making things a little bit easier for her as she embarks on this adventure.

Copious Readers, what other firms are singles-friendly? (And we’ll also take snarky stories about couple-crazed companies as well!)

–Christina