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The Sex Post, Part Deux: Dealbreakers May 26, 2009

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the many thoughtful and thought-provoking responses to my most recent post about the possibilities of having a sexual partner but making it clear that I want to remain unattached. It turns out that Bella DePaulo also published a sex post on her blog the same day about the many assumptions that are made about sex and the single person (thanks, Singlutionary, for noting our post on the comments over there!). One of the issues that has come up in previous comments on her blog, as well as in DePaulo’s most recent post (and comments from some of Onely’s regular readers), is the reality that many times, those of us who actually desire sex (and not all single – or married – people do) do not necessarily have it. Some call this being “Involuntarily Celibate,” or InCel for short. Which is exactly my status most of the time, when I don’t happen to know anyone who would be up for a little uncommitted rendezvous now and again.

So, this got me thinking about the many reasons I have (most of the time) for not actively attempting to hook up with friends, complete strangers, or the friend-of-a-friend. I’m the kind of person who notices when there’s a spark, and I’ve certainly had opportunities to pursue casual encounters, but most of the time (with this last weekend the rare exception), I simply don’t bother trying.

Because, you see, there are these dealbreakers that generally keep me InCel (some are for real; some are petty indeed): (more…)