Being Onely
Got a question, comment, concern about the practice of “Being Onely”? Want to alert us to a book/magazine/movie/etc. that we should review for this blog? Simply have a rant about Being Onely in a couple-oriented world? Email us at: onely @ onely.org
Or are you a Oneler who feels you can offer a valuable perspective on what it means to be Onely and who is interested in occasionally writing for this site? Again, email us at onely @ onely.org. All we ask is that you first read this page if you haven’t already.
* Important Note: Keep in mind that anything you write below or in an email may be published on this site, whether on this page or as a topic for consideration on our “home” blog page. This means that if you provide your actual name, your actual name may appear in a posting on this site. No identifying information that you provide will ever be reproduced, sold, or used by us for any purpose outside of this site. So if you’d like to remain anonymous, go for it. We don’t mind. In fact, we actually want you to contribute to our site – so please, do whatever you need to do in order to feel comfortable sending us your thoughts/ideas/concerns etc.!
** We can provide no guarantees that we will respond to your comment in a “timely” fashion. But rest assured — we’ll be reading and we will try our best to respond in the near future. 🙂
Onely.Org 
How wonderful to discover this site! Thanks for mentioning singlism. Looking forward to hearing more about what you have to say about it.
Thanks also for the invitation on this site for suggestions for books to review. Of course, on a site called Onely, I would just love you to review my book, SINGLED OUT: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. Even if you are not interested in doing so, thanks anyway for this site.
–Bella DePaulo
Hi Bella–A review of your intriguing book is definitely on the way! Thanks much for checking in. = ) -CC and L
Hi Lisa and Christina,
Just thought you and your readers might like to know that I’ve added Onely to the Links and Resources page of my website:
http://www.belladepaulo.com/singleslinks.htm
Suggested additions are always welcome.
–Bella
Another blog on this topic that you and your readers might enjoy is husband-free.com — “How to Be Husband-Free: Think You Need a Husband? Think Again!”
(Be sure to include the hyphen; otherwise, you end up on a site for recently divorced women.)
Thanks, Helen, for the info! We’re always excited to hear about sites with similar goals! — Onely
I am attempting to get people questioning what it is they desire, and that includes the absorbed notion that accomplishment as an adult is defined as married, with children, and owning a home. I am very glad to come across your site…the jury is still out whether I desire those things at all, and that is what my website grapples with…the question, not the answers!
Special K — thanks for your recent comment(s) — we’re happy to have you as a part of our readership, and we look forward to following your blog 🙂 — Lisa and Christina at Onely
Hey thanks for visiting my blog and reading my article on not wanting to marry. You have no idea how strong the pressure ot get married in India is. Your evil twin lists several Indian Matrimonial websites in there. its so ughtastic. and sadly, im labelled as a rebel or a freak cos im one of the few indian women who dares to question marriage. Oh you have no idea how happy I am to meet you guys 🙂
Am definitely going to drop by more often 🙂
Trauma Queen – thanks for posting, and we’re happy to have found you, too! We’ll look forward to hearing more from you 🙂
— L & C
Hey Onely guys-
have you heard this song “Love Story” by Taylor Swift? It plays EVERY MORNING in the locker room at my gym and it makes me want to jump out the window. It might just be the most heteronormative pop song ever written.
GAAACK! Lauri, Yes, I know that song. Because I happen to hate pop country music (in general) less than I hate the other DC radio stations, I have three country music stations programmed into my car, and inevitably the bad songs come up with the good (that Love Story being one of the ones that makes me reach for the scan button EVERY time). OH it is SO TERRIBLE. Here I’ll post the lyrics so everyone can share the joy:
http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/swift-taylor/love-story-25925.html
Basically, she’s all “oh I’m so alone I’ll be so devastated if I can’t be with my Romeo” and asks him to “save” her, then she meets him in some lonely place and he (oh gallant one!) asks her to “marry me, you’ll never have to be alone,” and she’s all “YAY!” Barf. –CC
Here’s a link I thought you’d be interested in:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap_travel/20090323/ap_tr_ge/travel_brief_microhotels;_ylt=AmVlgdr9uqeK3tAX2nn5o2Y8sM0F
The article addresses these teeny single berths as a new way to lodge when traveling- but nowhere does it mention that it would be ideal for the single traveler: in fact, it ends with a woman commenting that her husband wouldn’t fit….
Oh, this is EXCELLENT, lori — thanks for the heads up!
L
Hey guys-
Have you written about singles adopting? It seems very difficult to do, even when there are so many kids in the world who need it…Our society is based on a nuclear family, with little regard of the extended family. Thus being single practically precludes gestures like adoption, because we don’t have the “back up” that is implicit in marriages. Just wondering if you’ve talked about creating new communities that go against the typical family structures of the day.
Keep up the good work!
Hi Chirisici!!! = )
No, we haven’t–you want to? It’s on our topics-radar, though. We do occasionally mention the need to restructure society so that that “backup” of which you speak is available to everyone, not just married people (those new communities you mention). But we haven’t tackled the topic directly yet. Definitely want to. Another thing I want to tackle is women (and men I guess) who really want kids (I mean, their clocks are a-tickin!!!) but they enjoy their single lives. Shouldn’t they be able to have the infrastructure to raise a kid without being forced into couplage, if they can’t find a suitable mate they want to permanently partner with? I need to hit up people smarter than myself about this, though.
= )
CC
Hey Onely Guys-
Thanks for keeping the posts coming recently while you’ve been in finals. It’s been such a welcome reprise for me- I’ve been in matrimania for the past few months and only expect it to continue…
Lauri
Oh good! We’re happy we can keep you sane and, hopefully, entertained 🙂 Thanks for the affirmations!
— L
Hey all-
I felt the need to share this with the single blogger scene: a long time ago I joined a meetup.com group for single women, only went to one of the meetups, but haven’t removed myself from the list. The organizer forwarded this email to the group:
My name is Kelly Zack Castillo and I am a Casting Producer for
a new show on CBS. We are looking for singles who are tired of
the dating scene and are ready to get married. This is not a
reality show, it is a documentary style show. It’s called
Arranged Marriage because your family and friends assist in the
process. Let’s say you were interested; you would tell us
everything you want in your ideal husband/wife, from looks to
income to location, etc. We would look all over the nation for
what you want and and narrow it down to 3 guys/girls, then your
family and friends way in on who you go on a date with. We are
looking for men and women between the ages of 28-40 who are
serious about getting married. For more information go to
arrangedmarriagetv.com or email me at kzackcasting@gmail.com.
Kelly Zack Castillo
Casting Producer
Magical Elves
213-630-6530 Ext: 343
I am very afraid of this show: it will depict single people who are desperate to get married, so much so that they are attempting to find a partner based on shallow criteria (they don’t even need to see the people, the TV producers apply the criteria!) Then, other people pick the “right” person! It’s also really annoying that the age range they are looking for fits the perfectly stereotypical desperate to get married age.
I am thinking of formulating my thoughts better and writing to CBS, I thought others might want to too.
I would like to be considered as a guest contributor to this awesome site.
Hi Tamara!
Go ahead and shoot us an email — onely AT onely.org — and let us know what you’re thinking. Thanks for visiting our site!
— Lisa