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Being Onely

Got a question, comment, concern about the practice of “Being Onely”? Want to alert us to a book/magazine/movie/etc. that we should review for this blog?  Simply have a rant about Being Onely in a couple-oriented world? Email us at: onely @ onely.org 

Or are you a Oneler who feels you can offer a valuable perspective on what it means to be Onely and who is interested in occasionally writing for this site? Again, email us at onely @ onely.org. All we ask is that you first read this page if you haven’t already.

* Important Note: Keep in mind that anything you write below or in an email may be published on this site, whether on this page or as a topic for consideration on our “home” blog page. This means that if you provide your actual name, your actual name may appear in a posting on this site. No identifying information that you provide will ever be reproduced, sold, or used by us for any purpose outside of this site. So if you’d like to remain anonymous, go for it. We don’t mind. In fact, we actually want you to contribute to our site – so please, do whatever you need to do in order to feel comfortable sending us your thoughts/ideas/concerns etc.!

** We can provide no guarantees that we will respond to your comment in a “timely” fashion. But rest assured — we’ll be reading and we will try our best to respond in the near future. 🙂

Comments»

1. Cooper - October 1, 2009

I just found this site & I love it … have spent the majority of this afternoon perusing the pages, articles and commentary (and not working, as I should be). Thank you for a refreshingly honest portrayal of LIFE as a single person (yes, we do have very active, fulfilling lives!!). I’m not opposed to marriage – actually it works for a lot of people. (Actually being a severely lapsed Catholic, I wouldn’t mind living in sin … there’s just something sexier about living with a guy and not being married, but I digress.) In the past 10 months, I know of three couples who are divorcing. Average length of the 3 marriages? 22 years. Number of children involved? 13. After explaining to my 74-year old parents (who have been married for 45 years) that I didn’t see myself walking down the aisle – ever – my mom just looked at me, smiled and said “Honey, we are perfectly okay with that.” (Honestly she probably would have said the same thing if I told her I was lesbian, or was pregnant…she had a glass or wine or two in her.) Though I venture to guess her reaction would be decidedly different if she wasn’t already a grandmother seven times over … thankfully no pressure from the parents on that front. Thanks for such a great website … you’ve got a loyal fan!

Onely - October 1, 2009

Thanks so much for the kind words, Cooper. We’re always glad to have a new reader. (Of course we love our old loyal readers too!) If you have specific topics you want us to cover, or if you’re interested in guest posting, just shoot us an email (or comment).

My parents are also–thankfully!!–not concerned with whether I get married, even though they are not grandparents by either me or my sister. The secret is: I got my mom a CAT! Ok, full disclosure: she took me to the shelter to cheer me up after I got dumped, and *I* found a cat for *her*.

CC

2. Zinnia - October 11, 2009

Hiiii I’m so glad I’ve found you lovely sisters! It’s so nice to know that there are women like me out there. I just love your blog. Yeah I’m for the single life. It’s full of freedom and fun! Yeyyy
As Cindy Laupa’s song goes, (this is my favorite song); …Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.I wanna be the one to walk in the sun. O girls they wanna have fun. O girls just wanna have fun.
Yes that’s all we really want. Freedom and fun 🙂

3. C.S. Lewiston - October 18, 2009

I’ve written a mini-rant on my blog about the word “single”, and why it bugs me that unmarried people are given this particular label. Basically, I’ve pointed out that the word triggers assumptions about who we are, what we’re about and why we happen to be single (hint: it’s got nothing to do with our attractiveness, success in the business world, etc.)

Here’s the URL:

http://open.salon.com/blog/thefuddler/2009/10/11/on_singularity

Onely - October 23, 2009

Copious Readers, check out CS’s post. . . enjoy the excellent video of a “single” = ) = )
Christina

4. Sam Jones - March 27, 2010

Hey Christina,

Sam Jones here…was cleaning out my post list of stray unfinished posts and saw your comment about my post about my impulsive trip to San Diego…waaaaaaaaaaaaay back on 2/23/10…sorry about not seeing that until now. I think you get how sometimes keeping up with the blog can escape you…

I say go for a short, short visit if you can…you can be the cool aunt who came all the way from…? and make your cousin be either a little bit jealous of your freedom (nah, that’s probably just mean isn’t it? :P) or grateful for the change of pace a visit from a relative brings. The weather there is just too damn beautiful to keep away from.

Anyway,

Cheers,

Sam.

5. Denise - July 22, 2010

I’m glad to have found this site. I’m a polyamorous lesbian. I much prefer to have friendships and romantic flings with women than serious long term relationships. I’m glad to see that there are people who understand that not everyone has to be coupled all the time!

6. Nicky - July 27, 2010

Hi Lisa and Christina, congrats on your great work here. AtMP’s blog finally has a blogroll, and of course you’re listed. Would you list our blog too? thanks, Nicky
http://www.unmarried.org/blog/

Onely - July 27, 2010

Thanks Nicky–You’re already on our blogroll, but you might not have seen the link because it’s under the “Resources” list instead of the “Blogs About Being Single” list; we figured that AtMP wasn’t really about being single per se, given that it also focuses on unmarried couples. We appreciate your adding us–we love AtMP!
= )
Christina (and Lisa)

7. Wildspell Inheritance - September 6, 2010

Christina or Lisa, I don’t know if you’ve seen this particular video, but it is an interesting one. I only heard of it, this year, when I and a friend planned on attending this exact same program (unfortunately, the woman who acts as a solo artist in this play had a family emergency, so we didn’t end up seeing it) at the Fringe Festival here in my city. It’s about single women.

I had also just heard of AtMP this year, as well, from the same friend who pointed out your website on FB, I think…? But, I have a question, can’t some domestic partnerships be considered single relationship, in terms of benefits and financial resources?

Onely - September 15, 2010

Wildspell, thanks for that link! I’m going to do more research on “Wanted, not Wed” and maybe do a more thorough post about it. . . it looks amazing so far.

Yes, absolutely, domestic partnerships can be as “sketchy” logistically and benefits-wise as being single. Family and Medical Leave Act still doesn’t recognize domestic partnerships, nor do all states in all capacities–so domestic partners certainly are “single” or “unmarried” on many policy levels. Boo!!

Christina

vashti760223 - August 22, 2011

Yes, this is Wildspell_Inheritance, again! I posted the above video about a year ago, which means it’s that time of year, again to post another piece of Fringe Festival history in the making, centered, of course, on the incredible lightness of being onely. Have a look at it, and tell me what you think:

http://www.indyfringe.org/calendar/event/oneymoon

vashti760223 - October 3, 2011

http://ecosalon.com/sex-by-numbers-six-months-single-220/

I happened to come across this when I was looking for… get this… a natural, vegan, cruelty-free dry shampoo.

8. Wildspell Inheritance - September 6, 2010

When I say in terms of benefits and financial resources, I mean as long as the singlist stereotype is out there….

9. Reeny - November 9, 2010

I just found this site and am so relieved to find that others can relate to how I feel.

I thought life started to get depressing after college, when many of my classmates got married and moved away. Life goes on and you meet new people. Not that big of a deal. Now that I’ve entered my thirties (and I still think I’m so young!), I feel like I’m the last one standing. Any gathering these days is for a wedding or baby shower, both wonderful things, don’t get me wrong. But if you’re not married/coupled for whatever reason, it’s like you don’t matter in this society.

There is so much praise for signing a marriage certificate or having a serious boyfriend/girlfriend. But there is no praise for pursuing a career, being an independent woman or being choosy about who you date (i.e.: not settling). Not everyone desires to be coupled, and those that do should not feel inadequate for “still being single.”

Are these societal expectations leftover from the old days? It seems rediculous that in this modern age, there is so much pressure to be coupled.

Onely - November 9, 2010

Welcome, Reeny! I agree, it is ridiculous in this age of I-pods that we still have such antiquated views of relationships, and institutionalized by governments, nonetheless.

Thirties IS young! Thirties are the new twenties. = )
Christina

10. DressySJP - November 17, 2010

Just found your site after recently making a blog about being single and dating after a big break up! It’s been hard, however I have found that the more I laugh at myself and the situations the easier things become. While all my mid 20’s friends are getting engaged and married (I get notifications via facebook everyday! yay!), laughing at my single self through my blog has been key! I will continue to scan the site on a daily basis for more articles that speak to me personally, great topics and reads on this site!!

I would love to contribute or have my blog linked? http://www.dressysjp.wordpress.com

THANKS!
Sarah

Onely - November 17, 2010

Hi Sarah,
We linked to your blog! I liked your most recent post about your surprise visitor (yikes). If you are interested in discussing a guest post you can email us at onely@onely.org.
Christina (and Lisa)

11. Josie - November 23, 2010

Hi,
Have recently “forayed” into the blog world (I know, a bit of a luddite I guess) and discovered your blog. Yay! Good to know there are others out there. After years and years of being single and hating it I met “the one” then lost him to cancer 4 years later. Sucks, huh?

Now am embracing being single again; and in fact wondering if I’d want to get married again . . .love not having to share. . anything! But would be amenable to dating agin except I’m super fussy. Anyway, straying off the point as usual, love the blog.

Onely - November 25, 2010

Yikes, that’s awful. I’m sorry that you lost your one to cancer! You should go ahead and be fussy–you’ve earned it. Thanks for reading us!
Christina

12. Natasha - January 6, 2011

I just wanted to say thanks for making this blog. I stumbled across it while doing research for an essay in Queer Theory on heternormativity. I am from the UK, 22 and single. My family, especially my grandparents, don’t understand why I have no interest in ‘settling down’. They don’t understand that I want to gain an education, travel and sleep with more than one man for the rest of my life. Most of them have come to the conclusion that I’m a lesbian and I let them think it. They seem happy to have finally figured out ‘what’s wrong with me’ and I’m happy with the peace. The stigma attached to single people, espcially single women, is so unfair. It’s just a relief to find like minded people, you know.
Also I noticed you talking about a few adverts and seems as your both based in America I doubt you’ve seen a certain John Lewis Advert shown in the UK that has been known to bring people to tears. Why, I have no idea. I would explain my many problems with it but I’m sure if you watch it you’ll understand. here’s the link:

Onely - January 6, 2011

Wow, you’re only 22 and people are already making those kind of judgments about you? That’s extreme. You seem to be dealing with it with amazing equanimity, though. Thanks for supporting our blog!

CC (and Lisa)

P.S. I would think the ad would bring people to tears of boredom. . . = )

13. k. d. - February 10, 2011

Thanks for making this blog, I’m glad there are people out there who get it. 🙂

Onely - February 11, 2011

Thanks for reading, K.D.! Happy to have you — you’re definitely not alone (nor should you feel like you might be — after all, we’re single and happy, thank goodness).

— Lisa

Onely - February 13, 2011

Yay! We’re glad that you get it, too. = )
Christina

14. livinganunbearablepain - April 20, 2011

Hello:) I have been searching for a website like this one for a long time. I feel this is made for me:)

15. Sixty and Single in Seattle - April 23, 2011

Hey Ladies: Come back! Write again! I’m thinking of writing something for my blog about the symbolic evidence that I’m no longer seeing somebody: the $20 impossibly wonderful used chandelier I bought for my condo last Tuesday that’s still sitting on the floor because I don’t know anyone who can help me take the heavy old one down and do I really have the necessary parts to put the new one up?!!!!
Mary

Onely - April 25, 2011

Mary! We have been on hiatus but are planning an exciting and sustained return this week!!! Good luck with that chandelier! Perhaps you can move it with your mind?? Like in Star Wars? 😉

Lisa


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