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Are Onelies Just in Denial? Dick comments. August 21, 2008

Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought, Singled Out.
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In a spectacular display of nominative determinism, reader Dick made the following comments on social psychologist Bella DePaulo’s Living Single blog: 
Submitted by Dick on May 4, 2008 – 7:54pm.

You seem to spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the ‘stigma’ of being single. Could it be that you are repressing your desire to connect with someone? I can hardly believe that single people are so repressed. Just another ‘ism’ to distract people from real problems.

What interested me most about this post was “Could it be that you are repressing your desire to connect with someone?” 

Lisa and I have been anticipating this question since we started Onely. I’ll admit that although I feel happy in my Oneliness, sometimes I do have fleeting moments when I ask myself, “Hey, *AM* I perhaps in denial and just don’t know I’m in denial because, you know, I’m in denial?” That said, what all the Dicks out there need to understand is that just because a Onely is not in a coupled relationship doesn’t mean that they don’t “connect” with people in a myriad of fulfilling ways. 
I am a little puzzled as to how Dick could have been *on* DePaulo’s blog long enough to comment and not have seen evidence of the single stigma. Ten minutes’ worth of internet research reveals that singles pay more taxes, more for health insurance, more for vacation packages, and they can suffer greatly under singlist tax laws. DePaulo repeatedly points out that singlism is not/not on a par with racism and sexism, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Lisa and I will be addressing the Denial question at various points in the future. In the meantime, we’d love from any Onelies (or Onelies at heart!) who struggle with this issue–or *don’t* struggle with it!
–CC
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1. Writing is Like Dating « Onely: Single and Happy - October 1, 2011

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