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OMG, I’m One of THEM. February 6, 2010

Posted by Onely in Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single.
Tags: , ,

Copious Readers, after a year and a half of blogging about positive singlehood and of punditing for singles’ rights, I have gone over to the dark side. I have two new men in my life. No, that’s not the dark part. We here at Onely are not against love, dating, or relationships. We are, however, against obnoxiousness. And I’m obnoxious.

I spend all my non-work hours with Alvin or Theo. Several times in the last week I’ve postponed phone calls to friends and family so that I could hang out with, cook for, or cuddle with a new flame. I’m sleep deprived because we stay up too late laughing and talking. When people do call to find out where I’ve been, I barely ask about their lives, but instead I blather on and on about how handsome Theo is or how smart and funny Alvin seems. I send emails with no message, but maxed out with photo attachments, many of which look kind of the same. Instead of doing my Arabic homework or writing my Adequate American Novel, I crawl around on my hands and knees looking for the boys’ balls.

Alvin and Theo are both a lot shorter than I am, but I’m pretty progressive about that kind of thing. And I loooove their back hair. Alvin is adventurous and brings out my wild side, but Theo is more shy and has a chronic worried look on his face that makes me want to comfort him. I’m lucky I don’t have to choose between them, because they seem to enjoy sharing my lap.

Oh, my poor matchmaking coworkers, who don’t have kittens to help them ride out the Stormageddon. I will try to comfort and support them on Monday:

“Oh, you’re kittenless? Aww. That’s too bad. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find some one day.”

“So, why is a great person like you still kittenless?”

“What, you say you’re happy with your dog? What are you, some kind of freak?” (Special shout-out to Lisa.)

“Hey, so you’re kittenless, right? I know this great calico who just happens to need a person!”

Copious Readers, can you forgive me?



1. iol - February 7, 2010

Christina – a hilarious post!!!

But I knew STRAIGHT away what you were up to …. I knew it!

It’s a lot like this great story about a woman ….. well, I’ll leave it up to everyone else to read the story so I won’t spoil it ….. but it’s hilarious just like yours …….

Enjoy!!! …….


Onely - February 9, 2010

Yes, there’s just no way to sound realistic when you’re talking about two boyfriends at once. At least not if you’re me! = )

Onely - September 22, 2010

I just saw this link! For some reason I didn’t go to it before. . . . LOVE it though. Poor Aunt Gladys. = )

2. samantha - February 7, 2010

They’re adorable! Cats are better than men in so many ways…:)

3. sixis - February 7, 2010

Don’t worry about being obnoxious- kittens have that effect on all but the most cold-hearted humans. Of course, I’m a little biased, being owned by three 14 year old felines since their birth. You’d be hard pressed to find a better source of joy and affection anywhere. Thank you for giving these little guys a good home. Do you plan to get a ‘Simon’ to complete the set? Anyway, I’m a male and must say I agree with samantha- you’re much better off with cats!

Post more photos!!!

4. Rachel - February 7, 2010

Omg! This has to be some rightwinger’s worst nightmare: A polyamorous relationship with two cats! Hehehe. I love this post!

And I second sixis’ request for more pictures!

5. Nicole - February 7, 2010

awww……so cute! they look like my “rescue” cat (the only cat i have ever had) from high school…”fluffy”.

how are they enjoying the snow?

Onely - February 9, 2010

They watch it from the window. During the process of showing them the window, I discovered that Theo is terribly afraid of curtains.

6. April - February 7, 2010

That crazy cat lady label is getting so much more appealing, isn’t it 🙂

They’re adorable!!!

7. Lauri - February 8, 2010

omg so cute!!!! I love kittens, but their dander HATES me. Oh the hives. Oh the asthma. Oh the itchy eyes, sore throat, and constant nose blowing. I walk into a house a know instantly that they have a cat, I just feel it on my skin. I looked into getting a siberian forest cat, supposedly 98% hypoallergenic…yeah, they cost about $2500.

But in all seriousness Christina, I think here your parallel to being married makes a big point. When the government, etc. discriminate on the basis of marriage, I feel for those people out there who maybe wish to get married, but can’t, maybe for some physical reason. Ultimately then, they are being discriminated against for this underlying issue, not because they’re single. Imagine you have a disability or illness that prevents you from getting out and meeting people, or makes you generally “unattractive” to the opposite sex. I want a pet but I can’t have one…what if the government and employers and the culture started discriminating on the basis of pet ownership?

Onely - February 9, 2010

OOOOHHH this is such an excellent comment! You’re RIGHT! Let us know if you want to guest post about it.

Singlutionary recently had a post about housebound singles which kind of speaks to your point about singles who can’t get out and meet potential partners.


Lauri - February 10, 2010

haha actually I just realized what would happen if the government and employers started treating pet ownership like marriage- people (eh hem, Lori Gottlieb) would claim that I should run out and get a cat even though I’d be physically ill until either the cat dies or I die. Who cares if you’re allergic! People are supposed to have cats! You’re just going to have to hurry up and settle for one that doesn’t shed as much!

8. autonomous - February 9, 2010

OMG How funny! I’ve been feeling so guilty for crossing over to the dark side for real that I’ve avoided commenting here for the past couple of months!! Kittens are so adorable! I was temporarily adopted by a stray kitten last fall and I got even less sleep then than I’m getting now!!

Onely - February 9, 2010

“Temporarily,” yeah right. = )
Come back and comment! We miss you and don’t care if you went to the dark side! You are probably lightening up the dark side. We want progressive coupled people in the discussions!

autonomous - February 10, 2010

Thanks CC-
You’re hilarious! The true feline kitten came to my house one evening and then disappeared 3 days after I had his manhood chopped at the SPCA.
The Tomcat also showed up like a stray last fall, but since I’m not threatening his manhood I think he’ll stick around!

Seriously, I credit having participated in this blog for keeping me on the beam during this return to coupledness: I still recognize my life and still dislike valentine’s day. My perspectives certainly have changed in the last year.

I promise to keep checking in here and posting for balance.

9. Onely - February 9, 2010

Thanks everyone, for gushing over my kittens! I am attaching more pictures. = )

10. singlethirtysomething - February 11, 2010

“I crawl around on my hands and knees looking for the boys’ balls.”


Christina, welcome to the kitty club. Non-kitty owners don’t get it but when you find other club members, you’ll realise we don’t think you’re being obnoxious at all and will delight in sharing each others furry-purry stories 😉

11. singleandalmost30 - February 15, 2010

So cute! I totally want to get a pet, actually a dog. But with my work and school schedule, I’m afraid it would be home alone for long periods of time. Maybe, I’ll look into cats! Enjoy your kittens…

12. Daisy-Boo - March 5, 2010

I’d contribute something intelligent to the conversation but I can’t, on account of my brain having turned to mush at the sight of all that kitteh cuteness. Those eyes, the little nosey-woseys, the wittle furry paws…*dribble dribble*

Onely - March 7, 2010

HAHAHAHA intelligence is overrated! I LOVE your comment!


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