Fairfax County Requires Marriage October 9, 2010Posted by Onely in As If!.
Tags: fairfax county singles, singles in government, singles jury duty
I received this error message while filling out a jury duty questionnaire. The field I left blank?
Yes. Apparently according to Fairfax County, Virginia, all prospective jurors over 18 have spouses. A potential juror can’t enter “not married” other than by writing it into the box labelled “spouse’s occupation”, or by putting some bland placeholder like “see below” and then using the Comments section to explain that–shock of all shocks!–you don’t actually have a spouse.
Copious Readers, don’t you think this kind of awkward labelling rhetoric relegates singles to a position of inferiority to marrieds? (And let’s not even get *started* on the form’s implications for homosexuals.)
The Comments section, unfortunately, has a character limit so I was unable to fully communicate my disappointment to Fairfax County with many big words like “heteronormative“, “fallacy of assumption“, and “&*&@^^$@)!” Also unfortunately, our government has pesky perjury laws, so I was unable to fill out my Spouse’s Occupation blank with any of these fun options:
Millionaire Caribbean Kitten Rescue and Chocolate Mogul
So staying within the constraints of truth and law (bother!), here’s how I was able to get the the form to accept my single status. I put a scowly face in the Spouse’s Occupation box and commented:
Um, and singles? Basically I’m required to account for a spouse I don’t have. (If I say “none,” that’s indicating my (non-existent) spouse has no occupation.) Does FFX County expect everyone to be married by default? I want my taxes back.
Copious Readers, how would you have responded? Remember, you can’t use any more characters than I did above.