Worldwide Onelers: Afghanistan July 3, 2009
Posted by onely in Dating, Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Honorary Onely Awards, We like. . ..Tags: afghanistan singles, extreme ways to get a date, international singles, npr morning edition, single privilege, women's rights
4 comments
In this NPR Morning Edition broadcast, an Afghan woman randomly dialed numbers until a young man picked up at the other end. Over several weeks they exchanged multiple giddy phone calls, talking about their lives and eventually becoming boyfriend and girlfriend–but always and only over the telephone. Eventually their calls tapered off, but for a while they defied the convention in Afghanistan, where according to the broadcast single men and women just don’t mingle.
I got to thinking how privileged we all are here in the U.S. (and other places) to actually have a choice of whether to be single or not. (more…)
Quirkyalone News: Your Responses Requested! July 2, 2009
Posted by onely in Singles Resource, Your Responses Requested!, quirkyalone, single and happy.Tags: giving advice, quirkyalone, singles advice
2 comments
We wanted to let all of our readers know that one of our favorite (and probably the first) “happy and single” blogs, Quirkyalone, has emerged after a short hiatus with a new, improved design and format (check it out!).
In fact, author/founder of the book, movement, and blog, Sasha Cagen, has decided to hand over some of the regular posting duties to a variety of contributors, including us! That’s right — we’ve agreed to write a weekly advice column, in which we’ll respond to quirkyalone (and even quirkytogether) questions and concerns.
We are terribly flattered that Sasha wants us to be part of the new Quirkyalone team (actually, we’re still trying to get over the shock of someone thinking we might actually have advice to give), but as we gear up for our debut, we need to get some content!
So, Copious Readers, Christina and I are hoping that you will pepper us with your questions and concerns about what it means to live quirkyalone (which, we find, is a pretty good synonym for Onely). If you think you can help get us started, please email us with your questions at: onely @ onely.org.
And, in case any of our readers are worried that we might be fleeing the coop, PLEASE rest assured: Onely will always remain our primary focus, and whatever posting we do at QA will also appear here.
Thanks in advance — we’ll notify you of our debut as soon as it happens!
– L & CC
PS — if you’re not on feedback overload, you might also be inspired to contribute to Bella DePaulo’s recent request for reader feedback (thanks, footloosefemails, for the heads-up)
Hooking Up: Cool or CREAPy? June 29, 2009
Posted by onely in Essay review, Everyday Happenings, Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, sex.Tags: brenda wilson, deborah roffman, history of dating, hooking up, hooking up single, sex without dating
24 comments
As follow-up to Lisa’s sex posts here and here, my friend Nicole flagged for us this really good article from NPR about the relatively new and spreading trend of “hooking up”, or sex-without-dating. Brenda Wilson talks about the “major cultural shift” we’ve undergone lately, as dating is replaced by hooking up. Wilson reminds us that “dating itself represented a historical change”, as chaperoned sit-down sessions were replaced by dinner-and-movie expeditions. And now we’re changing from dating to hooking up. Because we’re all busy with life, friends, and work, we have little time for relationships. But you know what? Even though it’s becoming “ok” to hook up (just as it became “ok” to go out without a chaperone), we’re still expected to eventually *stop* hooking up and find a committed romantic ever-after partner (aka CREAP):
Wilson interviewed a young person who said (paraphrased by Wilson) that “If you’re honest and open about what you’re doing, and willing to commit to a relationship, she says, a hookup and friendship can be fused into a lifetime partnership.”
But are hookups less valid or acceptable if they *don’t* lead to a CREAP (or even to friendship)? Just asking. (more…)
Still Seeking Happily Ever After June 26, 2009
Posted by onely in Reviews, Singles Resource, We like. . ., film review.Tags: desperate to marry, happily ever after, michelle cove, millionaire matchmaker, patti stanger, seeking happily ever after, sundance trailer
4 comments
In the early days of Onely, we briefly mentioned the groundbreaking film Seeking Happily Ever After , which director Michelle Cove describes in an email as, “a feature-length documentary about why there are more single 30-something women than ever in the US and whether women are redefining happily ever after”. Of course our Copious Readership already knows the answers to those questions! But it’s great to see a film giving voice to single women, and especially gratifying to hear that the film was the top-rated trailer at Sundance. And check out the pedigrees of the singles experts who contributed to the effort.
Because all our single readers are also experts in the field, you should tell your own stories to Michelle as she assembles data for the film’s companion book, a “feel-great guide to living your own happily ever after.” Just fill out this survey, “Three Questions, Three Minutes“, designed for single (not married) women over 26. Here’s what the filmmakers learned during their project and what (I assume) will be reflected in the book: (more…)
Academic Alert! Michael Cobb’s “Lonely” June 24, 2009
Posted by onely in "Against Love"...?, Academic Alert!, Essay review, Food for Thought, Reviews, Singles Resource, We like. . ., single and happy.Tags: couples and terror, hannah arendt, loneliness my ass, michael cobb, queer theory, singles and sex, south atlantic quarterly, the origins of totatitarianism
8 comments
We here at Onely–as well as our Copious Readership–always knew that society’s obsession with c0upling is “toxic” and “terrorism”. But now we’ve found an established literary theorist who has expressed this idea using those very words, albeit incorporated into profound, articulate academic language.
As most of our regular readers know, I am currently working on a Ph.D. in a Rhetoric and Composition. This summer, one of my major tasks is to compose proposals and reading lists for two of the three exams I will take in the fall. One of my exams will focus on feminist and queer theory — and as I was doing research for the reading list last week, I came across an article in the South Atlantic Quarterly called “Lonely,” written by Michael Cobb. Cobb, who specializes in queer and critical theory, is interested, as the title indicates, in the effects of American culture’s stigmatization of singles.
Onely: One Year and Fabulous! June 22, 2009
Posted by onely in Great Onely Activities, We like. . ., blog reviews.Tags: one year anniversary, onely, origins of onely
16 comments
One year ago today, Christina and I posted for the first time on what it means to be single and happy. Since that day, Onely has proven to be an exciting and continually evolving blog project that both of us are thrilled to continue.
The idea for Onely emerged from two separate, seemingly unrelated experiences that Christina and I had in June 2008. For me, I experienced an unexpected surge of happiness after I “told off” a guy for standing me up (twice). When I uttered the words, “We don’t have to date, you know,” it was like I had articulated something that I had been wanting to say for some time but didn’t know how — I didn’t have to pursue a relationship, and I could be honest about what I wanted (or didn’t) even in a “casual” dating situation.
For Christina, it was during one week at work when she received yet another email celebrating yet another coworker’s marriage or baby (or second or third baby). “An office shower!” the messages always said. The suggested donation was always five dollars and the food was always pizza. Christina hates pizza. She wanted the office to buy her veggie wraps, but it seemed the only way she was ever going to get a veggie wrap was to get married or knocked up.
We commiserated on the phone one day in mid-June about our shared anger at the situations we had to deal with. I told Christina that her office culture sounded very “heteronormative”. ”Hete-what?” she said. I explained its meaning (see our sidebar!), and we have both been happily flinging the word about ever since.
During that conversation, we also discussed the relief we felt about not being in or even pursuing relationships, heternormative or otherwise. I wondered out loud why no one ever seemed to admit to being happy and single and not seeking to change their status. Shortly thereafter — after a flurry of emails and Christina’s brilliant epiphany for a blog title — Onely was born.
We didn’t think anyone would actually read us, but we are flattered by a regular presence of Copious Readers who inspire us to keep writing. And although we began blogging because we didn’t see others writing about being single and happy, we have since discovered a rich community of like-minded single bloggers and writers who provide perspectives supportive of, though sometimes different from, our own.
As of today, we’ve proud to have written 215 posts of varying degrees of literary merit. We’re also proud that “nut-sucking” and “animal sex” are apparently two of the best ways for people to find Onely in a random Google search.
–Lisa (and Christina)
PS: What do you think of our logo? Is it Onederful?
Friendshit June 17, 2009
Posted by onely in As If!, Look What Google Barfed Up.Tags: cnn.com, single girl friendship, single women, singlism, weddings
9 comments
There are two strains of singlism: Type A, where the singlist actively disses single people, and Type B, where the singlist doesn’t even know they are commiting an “ism”. This CNN.com blog post, by a woman who mourns the inevitable death of her single-girl friendships now that she’s coupled, falls into the latter category. Yet somehow the author’s naivete doesn’t make the article any less horrifying–in fact, I would argue that her post is all the more horrifying because the assumptions she makes about single vs. coupled people are so insidious and (to her) unquestionable. She says she’s getting married a couple months, and:
. . . the days of “romancing” my friends — of luxuriating in their company all weekend long and most weekday evenings is (SIC) over. Given the choice — which, thankfully, I have now that my relationship is not a long-distance one — I’d rather spend most of my free time with my fiance. (more…)
Always a Bridesmaid, Never the Bride June 15, 2009
Posted by onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, single and happy.Tags: always a bridesmaid, dishonesty, friendship, matrimania, never the bride, weddings
13 comments
This past weekend, I was a bridesmaid for a friend’s wedding in St. Louis. This is the fourth time I’ve been a bridesmaid over the last eight years or so, and doing it made me think about the popular (American?) expression, “Always a bridesmaid, never the bride.” For those of our readers unfamiliar with it, the expression carries a highly negative connotation, suggesting that the woman (or person) in question hasn’t (or cannot/will not) fulfill her ultimate ambition in life — being a bride (for info on the origin of the expression, check out this link).
I’m sure I don’t need to explain to you, copious readers, how heteronormative and sexist the expression is, suggesting that a woman’s most impressive achievement will be her wedding day (!!). But I have started to think a lot about what it means to be a bridesmaid, especially as one of the co-writers of this blog. (more…)
