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Onely: by Chance or by Choice? Christina’s Perspective August 29, 2008

Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Dating, Food for Thought, I want to....
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To answer my own question, I’m Onely by chance AND by choice! 

I don’t have a lot of CHANCES to meet men. For years, chronic health problems have forced me to spend a lot of time lying down. If I don’t get a four-hour nap on Saturday and a four-hour nap on Sunday, I will likely have trouble functioning during the subsequent workweek.  I can’t drink alcohol. I can’t do cardio sports unless I have days of recovery time. I can only go out one night a weekend unless I want to risk consequences. That’s all chance.  BUT:

I could CHOOSE to spend my one night out per weekend going out to men-saturated spots;

I could CHOOSE to socialize every Wednesday via some coed sport and spend Thursday and Friday in recovery mode;

I could CHOOSE to go to the bar and drink cranberry and club soda and enjoy chatting with people and getting ideas for stories.

I’ve made these choices in the past, and they were ok, even when I ended up aching and nauseous afterward. Sometimes, an activity is worth the recovery time. 

Often I can save up my strength for a burst of controlled exertion, if I’m willing to rest in some discomfort afterward. I do that for sailing my Hobie Cat, and I did it for the recent island camping trip Lisa, my sister Caroline, and I took in Michigan. Should I have saved that energy to go on a singles cruise? I think I had at least as much fun with the mosquitos, and farting Caroline, and snoring Lisa. Seriously.

I’ve learned that I’m usually happier if I choose to spend my valuable vertical energy doing sailing, or calm activities with a close small group of friends, or writing, or farming feral cats, or talking to friends on the phone, or any number of relatively sedentary activities that don’t make me feel sick and do make me at least as fulfilled, if not more fulfilled, than any man I’ve dated. 

I guess over the years I’ve taken a chance sickness and turned it into a series of choices, one of which was to be Onely.  I want what I’ve got. 

So, if I were by CHANCE to meet an eligible bachelor (where? in yoga class? cat spay-neuter clinic? yeah right!), would I even want him? I’m not sure. I barely have time as it is to keep up with all my non-romantic friends. Boyfriends require extra time and energy. A boyfriend would have to replace something in my already full life (cramped in part because I need all those naps). And I can’t think of anything right now that I would want to give up for a man. I can’t give up my lie-downs or my job, and I’m not willing to give up my writing or sailing. 

Just saying. 



1. onely - August 29, 2008

I just want to say… I soooo do *not* snore!!! Don’t believe Christina, no matter what she claims to have heard!
— L

StillOnely - May 21, 2009

I hear what you;’re saying. My immune system crashed & the past year I’ve spent 1-3 days per week in bed (alone). Much as I’d love to find a soulful guy for occasional conversation, dinner, or a movie, these seem to be activities the on-line guys aren’t pursuing. I AM choosing to be single because I know I could hook up with Mr. All Wrong tomorrow. What I am choosing is not to spend what energy I do have in trying to make some guy like me for who I really am.

The last time I spent a full day in bed was May 3, but can’t get overly confident. I don’t feel real great but there is this free event at the art museum with music & I don’t mind going alone. Am not going to try to meet a guy either. I like music. The nice thing about being single is you can arrive & depart from an event at your convenience.

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