The Onely Oath October 29, 2008Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought.
Tags: Nick Bakay, oath, pimples, single versus married, zits
SINGLE: No one will ever know you spent the weekend watching a “mannix” marathon.
MARRIED: Someone to pop those hard-to-reach back zits.
I have since heard of other couples who pop each others’ zits. I did not realize that this practice was so widespread. Copious Readership, something must be done! In an attempt to stop the rampant spread of this (editorializing alert! editorializing alert!) plainly gross habit, I propose the below Onely Oath:
The Onely Oath
I, Christina, being of sound mind and adequate complexion, do solemnly swear, that so long as I live, I will never, ever, pop another person’s pimple, unless the life, health, or emotional well-being of the pimpled individual is at stake. I acknowledge that the moment I pop my significant other’s pimple (with exception for above-detailed circumstances) is the moment I forfeit forever my Onely status.
Who else wants to take the Onely Oath? Anyone? Anyone?