Onely.Org

DID YOU KNOW? (Coming home Onely) December 8, 2008

Welome to the latest (and by that I mean the first) installment in Onely’s DID YOU KNOW? series.

DID YOU KNOW that no one likes coming home to an empty house?

Yes! It’s true! This was according to an E-vite I received, to a surprise party for my friend who was returning from an extended business trip.  “No one likes coming home to an empty house,” the E-vite said, reminding us that my friend’s wife would be out of town during his return, and encouraging us to show up instead so that there would be people waiting in his house for him when he came home from the airport. I was a tad perplexed, because there are few things I like *more* than coming home to an empty house. As much as I love my friends, I also love walking into my foyer, smelling the unbreathed, unstirred air, and putting my bags down in the middle of the rug and either lying on the floor or making toast and feeling the grime of travel roll off me (After a 24 hour trip, doesn’t your grime roll? Or should I see a doctor?).

Copious Readers, if you were coming home from a long flight, would you want to have friends jump out at you from behind the couch, or not? Put your answer in POLL A: 

I know it’s dangerous to put a cat joke on an singles blog; that’s just asking to perpetuate the stereotype. But if I am coming home from a trip–and I know whereof I speak, having made in my life at least 28 plane journeys of 24 hours or more–I prefer to have a cat jump out from behind the couch, or no one. 

*HOWEVER*, note that our poll has several possible answers, because Lisa and I know that not everyone shares our taste for coming home to an empty house (or a house with a kitty, or in Lisa’s case a dog named Kitty).  But if the poll had come from that Evite, it would have had two possible answers, as in POLL B: 

Lisa and I think it’s so interesting that to many people, the statement on Poll B barely causes an eye bat. But look at the below POLL C, which reflects effectively the same type of one-sided sentiment: 

Whoa! It’s pretty obvious to everyone that Poll C contains an unrealistic generalization, isn’t it? But it’s NOT so obvious to everyone that that Poll B contains the same kind of generalization. (Well, to our Copious Readership it’s obvious–we love you guys!)

Now, my friend happened to be thrilled that all of us were waiting for him in his house. He actually bounced and gyrated like a grinning candle flame. This was good, because I half expected that when we yelled “surprise,” he’d throw his carry-on at us and scream, “YOU FUCKING THOUGHTLESS BASTARDS.” (That’s what *I* would do, after a dastardly twelve-hour plane journey, breathing other people’s coughs and listening to the little beep beep of those motorized airport terminal golf cart transport thingies.) Fortunately my friend is not me! I’m glad he had a good time–we all did. (With homemade guacamole, how can you go wrong?) 

But. If you ever want to give me a surprise party after a trip, please at least give me time to come home and vacuum up the toast crumbs and grime rolls. 

–CC