“No Fun Being One!”: Pop Culture, Scourge of the Onelys, Part 37.423x January 7, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, As If!, Heteronormativity, Just Saying., Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys, Singled Out.Tags: 123greetings.com, hallmark, industry, matrimony, thank god i'm single, wedding cards, weddings
3 comments
Hi everyone,
I’m back after two long weeks being busy with friends and family. During my many travels, I made a stop in St. Louis to participate in a good friend’s wedding. Every time I go to a wedding, I find myself enumerating the many reasons why I don’t want one of my own. I’ll post more about this later this week, but I first want to describe my experience looking for a wedding card to include with my gift for the wedding. 
It was late Friday night, after the rehearsal dinner and a couple glasses of wine, and I stopped in at a Walgreen’s to find a card in a hurry. But as I looked through them, I found I couldn’t make a decision quite as fast as I’d hoped, because nearly every card contained a decidedly anti-Onely message, some version of either 1) Good riddance to the single life!, or 2) Cheers to the beginning of a “new” life!
The Spurrious Rhetoric of Singlism January 2, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity.Tags: Abby o'reilly, bella depaulo, Dr. Pam Spurr, New Scientist, seepie, single in denial, singlism, the f word
10 comments
This great article by Abby O’Reilly talks about old-school stereotypes against single women. O’Reilly critiques some interesting rhetoric by Dr. Pam Spurr, “alleged sex and relationship expert at the Daily Mail” and, frighteningly, a life coach. (I forget which blog originally led me to the O’Reilly post, but whoever you were, thanks!)
Spurr espouses the notion, so prevalent in singlist society, that if you say you are single and happy–you’re lying. She bases this grandiose generalization on the “thousands” of single people she has life-coached.
She doesn’t seem to realize that her data set is inherently skewed, because usually only people unhappy with their relationship status would approach Spurr about the issue in the first place; what about the thousands–or millions–of happy singles who never use Spurr’s services? Or worse, what if a happy single were to go to Spurr about a different life issue and in the course of discussion happen to mention she was single, and Spurr were to hit her with this, from Spurr’s article in the Daily Mail: (more…)
Gay Marriage perpetuating stigma against non-heteronormativeholes? September 26, 2008
Posted by Onely in book review, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Reviews.Tags: gay marriage, gay normalization, michael turner, ron hogan, the trouble with normal
9 comments
On our in-process “Things We Like” page, Lindabeth recommended an interesting-sounding book by Michael Warner, The Trouble With Normal. I don’t know if we’ll end up reviewing this book, but it definitely raises a very interesting point! Ron Hogan’s below Amazon.com review says Warner argues that when people push for gay marriage, they are trying to normalize gays according to the current culturally sanctioned standards of monogamy and matrimony. But according to Warner, really this just paves the way for trying to normalize other people who don’t fit into heterosexual coupled roles. (more…)
Structures of Belief: It’s Damn Hard to Believe a Oneler! September 5, 2008
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity.Tags: abnormality, being single and happy, English 101, freshmen, lies
2 comments
So a friend of mine, Laura (who has commented here in the past), told me yesterday that she was leading her English 101 students in a discussion of an essay written by a woman who was single and happy being that way. Her students expressed disbelief: Yeah, right, they said. We don’t believe it. Then Laura referenced me, apparently, as a “real” example of such a phenomenon, and one of her students exclaimed, “Well she must be lying! Do you really believe that she doesn’t see people kissing and miss being in a relationship?” (more…)
“So why are you still single?” August 6, 2008
Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity.Tags: good intentions, pathologization of singles, sickness, single, singlehood
3 comments
People usually intend to be helpful and friendly when they ask:
“You’re so (complimentary adjective); so why are you still single?”
As if singlehood were a gross, drippy nose that could and should be cured by a swallow of Sudafed. (more…)
Onely as Feminist Resistance July 26, 2008
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Essay review, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Reviews, Singled Out.Tags: adrienne rich, being single, capitalism, compulsory heterosexuality, feminism, friendships between women, lesbian existence, male control, resistance, single and happy
2 comments
I recently finished an essay by Adrienne Rich entitled “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,” which is old in terms of publication date (1980) but new – brand new – to me. Rich’s primary argument is directed against feminist scholars who deny, ignore and/or marginalize the fact of lesbian existence, but she also mentions other “facts” of female existence – such as living alone and/or single – that have also been ignored in the face of what she calls “compulsory heterosexuality.” (more…)
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