The Anti-Valentine: Death Bear to the Rescue! February 14, 2010
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, single and happy, We like. . ., Your Responses Requested!.Tags: breakups suck, crazy exes, Death Bear, Nate Hill, thelma and louise, war of the roses
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One issue that we rarely discuss here on Onely is the fact that, no matter how single-and-happy we are today, there was probably once a time when we were coupled. And then there was that time when we broke up.
And no matter how self-confident and happy you are, in or outside of a relationship, breakups inevitably suck.
But for many of us (myself included), it’s breakups that lead us Onelers to draw in our first (or second, or third) breaths of the fresh air of being single — and happy!
But moving from coupled-to-single status inevitably means experiencing pain and loss, and to ignore or deny that fact would be naive at best, and inhumane at worst. Enter Death Bear, who was recently featured on MSNBC. His real name is Nate Hill, and he’s a performance artist in Brooklyn who created Death Bear to collect and carry away people’s memories of the past, which manifest themselves as physical objects and elicit pain and loss in unexpected and sometimes debilitating ways. In his words:
Death Bear will take things from you that trigger painful memories and stow them away in his cave where they will remain forever allowing you to move on with your life.
In my mind, not only does Death Bear’s costume ROCK (Christina thinks he’s hot!), he is doing incredibly important, honest, pro-Onely work. He’s helping people confront the past while enabling them to move forward with their hopefully happy-and-single lives.
There are three breakups in my past that projected me meaningfully toward my current single-and-happy state: (more…)
Onely (err, Christina) Saves the World! February 2, 2010
Posted by Onely in single and happy, We like. . ..Tags: change.org, christina rocks, spreading the word
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So Christina is apparently too shy to post about her most recent writing endeavor — she’s been recruited by Change.org to blog regularly on women’s and single’s issues.
Check out her first post — stat!
(Oh, and in case you’re concerned, she’s not leaving Onely — just broadening her horizons! Go Christina Go!)
— Lisa
single. academic. female. January 26, 2010
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, single and happy, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: dating an academic, how smart is too smart, life of an academic, sexism in academia, single female academic, smart women
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Over the weekend, I took a walk with my friends B & A, and B — who is male, pursuing a PhD in my program, and married to A — asked me about how I felt about something he had heard: That women who begin pursuing their PhDs while single are less likely to find partners or be married in the long run when compared with men (my apologies to B if I’ve paraphrased incorrectly, but this is what I remembered). B sounded pretty stunned about what he had heard, but I was not.
So although I have not found any statistics to verify whether what B heard was true or not, I want to go over the reasons why this fact seems relatively unsurprising to me (as a single academic female myself) and to see what you, Copious Readers, have to add to the conversation (especially if you have access to any useful statistics or personal experiences related to this issue!): (more…)
Pop Culture: HOPE for the Onelys — Plan B January 16, 2010
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Pop Culture: HOPE for the Onelys, single and happy, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: one-night stands, plan b, single women, singlism in the media, we are single and happy
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So I was lazily watching TV a few evenings ago and saw a commercial that I have seen many times before – this Plan B commercial:
I’m not sure how long this commercial has been out, but it’s been out long enough for me to have had several competing reactions to it (for those of you outside of the U.S. who don’t know what Plan B is, just watch the video). Here is a brief trajectory of my thinking (which prompted this post): (more…)
Onelers devenons comme fous: Lisa fait Paris (avec la maman!) January 13, 2010
Posted by Onely in Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, Singles Resource, solo travel.Tags: bon annee!, international travel, language vacation, paris, solo travel, traveling with a companion
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Bon Annee, fellow Onelers! As my poor French translation above (hopefully) indicates, I spent the New Year in Paris with my mother, who has never before traveled internationally and who has been dreaming of taking this trip most of her life (well, I *know* my bad French didn’t exactly say all that, but bear with me).
Yes, I AM the luckiest daughter in the world! I traveled alone to the UK in May (see my posts here, here, and here on the experience) and have now begun exploring Europe (it’s not just my mom’s dream!). I was wary of heading alone to a country where I didn’t speak the language (ich spreche ein bischen Deutsch, and even less Russian), so going with my mom was a good first step — especially since she paid for everything 🙂
So, now that I have recuperated from my travels, I wanted to share with you my thoughts on traveling internationally alone versus with someone else: (more…)
What Do You Do for the Holidays? Onely Wants to Know! December 23, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: charlie brown rocks, holidays, single christmas, single in the Bay Area, solo celebrations
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So here I am, typing this post while lying on an uncomfortable air mattress in a claustrophobic book-lined bedroom in my parents’ tiny townhouse near San Jose, California. I’ve listened to my parents bickering and complaints – and contributed my own – since I arrived last Thursday (with a notable exception over the weekend, when I stayed overnight in San Fran with my older brother, and today, which I spent in a coffeeshop drafting a short article that’s due January 1st). I’ve visited the ocean; eaten some delicious clam chowder and fish tacos; visited Pacifica to see if I could witness California’s coast disappearing (watch the video — I saw it from a distance!); toured San Francisco’s Academy of Sciences and Conservatory of Flowers for the first time; enjoyed some amazing South Indian food at Dosa to celebrate my mom’s birthday; and visited Yosemite National Park. I have two brothers, but I’m the only one who arrives from out of town and who actually stays with my parents for a prolonged amount of time — so I find myself simultaneously spoiled shitless and driven crazy.
Happy Holidays, Copious Readers! Welcome to a version of what I consider pretty “normal” every late December. I love it as much as I hate it — I experience as much discomfort as I do pleasure being here during the holidays, some of it certainly emerging from my enjoyment of being single, independent, and living far away from my family. Perhaps most importantly, being here makes me fully appreciate the temporary nature of this season — I always feel refreshed when I return to “normalcy,” my happily single habits and life.
Please, tell us what you love and hate about being Onely during the holidays – is it better or worse to live near family? What are the benefits and disadvantages of being single at this time of year? Do your parents, or other family members, question your singleness – or do they leave you alone, and why? Do you find you have less “alone” time — and/or what happens when you demand it, as I must? Or do you forego family visits altogether and enjoy the holidays alone, or on an adventure, or with friends?
Also up for discussion is whether the infamous Charlie Brown-with-Christmas tree image, pictured above, is sad, singlist, and/or superb! 🙂
I’m looking forward to hearing your opinions and stories… And in the meantime, I hope everyone is enjoying a safe and happy holiday season!!
— Lisa
Lisa Back from the Dead! December 9, 2009
Posted by Onely in Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy.Tags: doctoral exams suck, fighting depression, haircuts, massages, zombies rock
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That’s right, people. I’m BAAAAAAAACK!!! And yes, until today’s haircut and yesterday’s recovery massage, I did look frighteningly like this little girl to my right. That’s what happens when one travels to doctoral-exam Hell and back! As of today, I’m happy to announce my regular presence back at Onely and across the blogosphere. I’m so looking forward to catching up! I also want to say THANK YOU to all our wonderful readers for giving me kind words of encouragement when I made my occasional appearances here to complain about the exams and make excuses for my absence.
Since I finished my last exam a few days ago, I have spent most of my energy taking care of and rejuvenating myself, both materially and mentally. I was genuinely worried that I would emerge from the last exam let down and depressed, having focused all of my time and energy (and having made multiple sacrifices in my personal life) over the last six months into exam preparation, only to give birth to a series of unpublishable and ultimately unremarkable documents. So, in order to avoid a complete post-exam meltdown, I have been treating myself to the following: (more…)
Excuses, Excuses… October 31, 2009
Posted by Onely in single and happy.Tags: excuses, nanowrimo
5 comments
Hi everyone —
It’s Christina’s long-lost co-blogger, Lisa! I know I’ve been out of touch, and unfortunately it’s looking like I must continue to be until the whole series of doctoral exams are over. I’ve survived one, and the next is next week, and the final one will be at the beginning of December. Then — and only then — will I be able to regain my life and finally get back to Onely.
So, if you’ve noticed that I’ve been gone — and the posts are a little less frequent — that’s why. Christina says that she’s got a few more posts up her sleeve, but she’s participating in National Novel Writing Month (times TWO — this month it’s nonfiction, she tells me, and in December she’s going to do fiction — WOW) — so we won’t have more than a post a week from now through the holiday season. However, I feel confident that by January, we’ll be back to the frequent posting habits that I’m sure you all have come to expect from us — and we’ll also be more “present” in the rest of the blogosphere at that time.
Meanwhile, I want to publicly say THANKS to Christina for staying on top of this — and HI to all of our wonderful copious readers — I can’t tell you how much I am ready for this stage of my work to be finished and to get back to the blogosphere!
Cheers,
Lisa
Singles’ Crawl: Laura Dave on Living Single Blog September 25, 2009
Posted by Onely in Guest Bloggers, single and happy, Singles Resource, Some Like It Single.Tags: blog crawl, laura dave, Living Single, National Singles Week, single and happy
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Happy National Singles’ Week!!
We’re celebrating with a blog crawl!
Although the myriad views of singlehood expressed by participants in this blog crawl do not necessarily reflect Onely’s specific approach to singles’ advocacy, we are happy for the chance to celebrate Unmarried Single Americans Week by participating in this dialog of diverse voices in the discussion of singles’ rights, single living, and single sundries.
Guess what — we’re nearing the end — it’s Day 6, and we want YOU to visit Living Single, where novelist Laura Dave (The Divorce Party) tells us how she feels about the single life.
(p.s. — don’t forget to come back tomorrow, where Dr. Bella DePaulo has something to say, right here on Onely!)
Singles’ Crawl: Marryanne Comaroto on Dating Advice Almost Daily September 24, 2009
Posted by Onely in Guest Bloggers, single and happy, Singles Resource, Some Like It Single.Tags: blog crawl, dating advice almost daily, marryanne comaroto, National Singles Week
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Happy National Singles’ Week!!
We’re celebrating with a blog crawl!
Although the myriad views of singlehood expressed by participants in this blog crawl do not necessarily reflect Onely’s specific approach to singles’ advocacy, we are happy for the chance to celebrate Unmarried Single Americans Week by participating in this dialog of diverse voices in the discussion of singles’ rights, single living, and single sundries.
Day 5: Please visit Dating Advice Almost Daily, where Marryanne Comaroto, author of Hindsight: What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers, offers her perspective on living solo.
Onely.Org 