Onely Fights Office Singlism! Kind of! July 15, 2009
Posted by Onely in As If!, Everyday Happenings, Heteronormativity, Just Saying., Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy.Tags: office chatter, responsible single people, single parents, singlism in the workplace, workplace singles discrimination
23 comments
I forget the context of our conversation, but at one point my coworker mentioned that single people don’t have any responsibilities. Now, before you send out the tar-and-feathering mob, loyal Copious Readers, let me say that this is one of my favorite coworkers and he has a knack for making out-of-place, over-the-top generalizations. But still, I felt the need to correct his statement.
“Single have responsibilities!” I said. “I have a mortage. And. . . and. . . a cat.” I winced. The C word seldom helps in a singles advocacy argument. But in the moment, I couldn’t think of any other responsibilities! Because to be honest, I am so enamoured of my independence that the feeling of freedom sometimes overshadows my to-do list. But Lisa rattled off my responsibilities to me later, in an email. She said we have “pretty much the same responsibilities as everyone else!” But for once I disagree with my intrepid co-blogger. (more…)
“Dear Quirkyalone”: Send Us Your Questions, Confusions, Complaints! July 13, 2009
Posted by Onely in quirkyalone, single and happy, Singles Resource, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: Advice!, email us!!!!, Living Single, quirkyalone, quirkyliving, send us your questions!!
4 comments
As we mentioned last week, Christina and I are going to be writing a weekly advice column for Quirkyalone, called “Dear Quirkyalone: All you ever wanted to know about quirkyliving, but were(n’t) afraid to ask.” Our first post will be published next Monday (cross-posted here and at QA), but we need your questions! If you’ve got questions about what it means to live Onely/Quirkyalone — or if you want advice about how to handle a tricky situation, please email us: onely [at] onely [dot] org.
And as an extra incentive, Sasha Cagen over at QA is giving away one free SIGNED copy of her book, Quirkyalone, to one lucky reader (drawn at random) who submits a question to us and leaves a comment here by/before Thursday, July 16th!
— L & CC
Extra! Extra! July 7, 2009
Posted by Onely in single and happy, Singles Resource, Some Like It Single, We like. . ..Tags: clever elsie, singles in the news, singles with singletude, singleschmucker, singletude
2 comments
To our Copious Readers:
Run — don’t walk! — to Singletude’s new weekly series, “Singles in the News,” in which Clever Elsie highlights the week’s good and bad news that involves, affects, or implicates single people. Be sure to check out the “Singles with Singletude Award” as well as the “Singleschmucker Award” (yay for portmanteaus!). We’re uber-impressed by the research, appreciate the new resource, and think Elsie deserves some accolades. Also, if you want to direct any news-worthy links her way, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.
Thanks, Elsie — thanks for being our virtual newsstand!!
Quirkyalone News: Your Responses Requested! July 2, 2009
Posted by Onely in quirkyalone, single and happy, Singles Resource, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: giving advice, quirkyalone, singles advice
4 comments
We wanted to let all of our readers know that one of our favorite (and probably the first) “happy and single” blogs, Quirkyalone, has emerged after a short hiatus with a new, improved design and format (check it out!).
In fact, author/founder of the book, movement, and blog, Sasha Cagen, has decided to hand over some of the regular posting duties to a variety of contributors, including us! That’s right — we’ve agreed to write a weekly advice column, in which we’ll respond to quirkyalone (and even quirkytogether) questions and concerns.
We are terribly flattered that Sasha wants us to be part of the new Quirkyalone team (actually, we’re still trying to get over the shock of someone thinking we might actually have advice to give), but as we gear up for our debut, we need to get some content!
So, Copious Readers, Christina and I are hoping that you will pepper us with your questions and concerns about what it means to live quirkyalone (which, we find, is a pretty good synonym for Onely). If you think you can help get us started, please email us with your questions at: onely @ onely.org.
And, in case any of our readers are worried that we might be fleeing the coop, PLEASE rest assured: Onely will always remain our primary focus, and whatever posting we do at QA will also appear here.
Thanks in advance — we’ll notify you of our debut as soon as it happens!
— L & CC
PS — if you’re not on feedback overload, you might also be inspired to contribute to Bella DePaulo’s recent request for reader feedback (thanks, footloosefemails, for the heads-up)
Academic Alert! Michael Cobb’s “Lonely” June 24, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Academic Alert!, Essay review, Food for Thought, Reviews, single and happy, Singles Resource, We like. . ..Tags: couples and terror, hannah arendt, loneliness my ass, michael cobb, queer theory, singles and sex, south atlantic quarterly, the origins of totatitarianism
8 comments
We here at Onely–as well as our Copious Readership– have always known that society’s obsession with coupling is “toxic” and a form of “terrorism”. But now we’ve found an established literary theorist who has expressed this idea using those very words, albeit articulated in academic language.
As most of our regular readers know, I am currently working on a Ph.D. in a Rhetoric and Composition. This summer, one of my major tasks is to compose proposals and reading lists for two of the three exams I will take in the fall. One of my exams will focus on feminist and queer theory — and as I was doing research for the reading list last week, I came across an article in the South Atlantic Quarterly called “Lonely,” written by Michael Cobb. Cobb, who specializes in queer and critical theory, is interested, as the title indicates, in the effects of American culture’s stigmatization of singles.
Always a Bridesmaid, Never the Bride June 15, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, single and happy.Tags: always a bridesmaid, dishonesty, friendship, matrimania, never the bride, weddings
34 comments
This past weekend, I was a bridesmaid for a friend’s wedding in St. Louis. This is the fourth time I’ve been a bridesmaid over the last eight years or so, and doing it made me think about the popular (American?) expression, “Always a bridesmaid, never the bride.” For those of our readers unfamiliar with it, the expression carries a highly negative connotation, suggesting that the woman (or person) in question hasn’t (or cannot/will not) fulfill her ultimate ambition in life — being a bride (for info on the origin of the expression, check out this link).
I’m sure I don’t need to explain to you, copious readers, how heteronormative and sexist the expression is, suggesting that a woman’s most impressive achievement will be her wedding day (!!). But I have started to think a lot about what it means to be a bridesmaid, especially as one of the co-writers of this blog. (more…)
Hard-Core Oneler: Dick Proenneke June 12, 2009
Posted by Onely in Great Onelies in Real Time, Great Onely Activities, Profiles, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, solo travel, We like. . ..Tags: Bob Swerer Productions, Dick Proenneke, handmade cabin, One Man's Wilderness, Richard Proenneke, twin lakes alaska
5 comments
Welcome to the Hard-Core Edition of our series, Great Onelers In Real Time. Today’s Hard-Core Oneler is former Navy carpenter Richard Proenneke. In 1968, at the age of 51, he went to the ultra-wild wilderness of Twin Lakes, Alaska and built himself a cabin by hand, with no chain saws or other automated machinery. He even carved the handles for the tools he used to hew the spruce logs. Then he lived in the cabin for over thirty years.
The mesmerizing video Alone in the Wilderness by Bob Swerer Productions tells the story of Dick’s first year at Twin Lakes. Dick used a tripod to film himself building his cabin. We see many shots of him from the backside, walking away from the lens with a determined, slightly bow-legged stride, once with a sheep ribcage strapped to his back. He films grizzly bears rolling joyfully down snowy slopes. He feeds birds by hand. He makes door hinges, for goodness’ sake (I didn’t know you could make door hinges; I thought they grew on the door hinge tree). (more…)
The Sex Post, Part Deux: Dealbreakers May 26, 2009
Posted by Onely in "Against Love"...?, Dating, Food for Thought, sex, single and happy, Your Responses Requested!.Tags: dealbreakers for single sex, hookups, InCel, involuntarily celibate, single and celibate
11 comments
Hi everyone,
Thank you for the many thoughtful and thought-provoking responses to my most recent post about the possibilities of having a sexual partner but making it clear that I want to remain unattached. It turns out that Bella DePaulo also published a sex post on her blog the same day about the many assumptions that are made about sex and the single person (thanks, Singlutionary, for noting our post on the comments over there!). One of the issues that has come up in previous comments on her blog, as well as in DePaulo’s most recent post (and comments from some of Onely’s regular readers), is the reality that many times, those of us who actually desire sex (and not all single – or married – people do) do not necessarily have it. Some call this being “Involuntarily Celibate,” or InCel for short. Which is exactly my status most of the time, when I don’t happen to know anyone who would be up for a little uncommitted rendezvous now and again.
So, this got me thinking about the many reasons I have (most of the time) for not actively attempting to hook up with friends, complete strangers, or the friend-of-a-friend. I’m the kind of person who notices when there’s a spark, and I’ve certainly had opportunities to pursue casual encounters, but most of the time (with this last weekend the rare exception), I simply don’t bother trying.
Because, you see, there are these dealbreakers that generally keep me InCel (some are for real; some are petty indeed): (more…)
Traveling Solo, Tips and Tales (Part 3 of 3): Tips! May 21, 2009
Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, Great Onely Activities, Secret Lives of the Happily Single, single and happy, Singles Resource, solo travel.Tags: copies of passport, international solo travel, itinerary, making friends during solo travel, packing for international travel, safety concerns while traveling alone, tips for traveling alone
6 comments
Hi everyone,
After spending the past two posts enumerating some of the best and worst aspects of traveling alone, I figure it’s about time for some practical advice. So, to stoke your trip-planning imaginings, I am happy to present Part 3 of this three-part series:
Lisa’s Essential Tips for Traveling Solo: (more…)
Onely.Org 