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Onely Hearts Valentine’s Day February 14, 2012

Posted by Onely in We like. . ., Your Responses Requested!.
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My co-blogger Lisa and I historically have struggled with what to write for our Valentine’s Day post. As a blog about progressive singlehood, we feel we are expected to write something. But one can only write so many times about what a dumb holiday Valentine’s Day is, before one begins to bore oneself.

So this year we’re writing about the non-dumb side of Valentine’s Day, which is, of course, CANDY HEARTS!

I love those little chalky pastel-colored hearts, not only because they are calorie- and sugar-free (they dissolve so delightfully on the tongue, how could they contain anything but fizz and love?).  I also love how the classic candy hearts are printed with messages that range from sweet to desperate to creepy: Honey Bee. Cutie Pie. Sweet Love. Be good. My baby.  Hug me. Let’s kiss. All mine. Do me. (Ok, maybe not that last one.)

We need bags of hearts for each and every holiday, especially National Singles Week.  Oh yeah, an entire week’s worth of candy hearts! Poor one-day Valentine’s fans can suck it (literally).

Copious Readers, what words would you stamp on candy hearts for National Singles’ Week in September (I plan early)? We haven’t yet gotten much of a response from you on our request for Renga poems, so we’re going to keep poking away at your creative potential until it bursts forth. Like a geyser. Or a zit. Either will be fine.

Here are some suggestions off the top of my head, ranging from personal to political to dorky: Not alone. Equal pay. All families. Single mom. Single dad. Stop showers. Who’s selfish? Super solo. One fun. Not looking. Live alone. Cohabitate. Love too. Myth free. So fine.


Photo credit: megaul

Great News for Single Americans! (but you wouldn’t know it if you listened to the news) February 6, 2011

Posted by Onely in As If!, Food for Thought, Heteronormativity, Pop Culture: Scourge of the Onelys, Singled Out, Singles Resource, We like. . ..
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To the delight of LGBTQS (that stands for lesbian-gay-bi-trans-queer-single) advocates everywhere, federal regulations now require that hospitals must grant all patients, no matter their marital, sexual or religious status, the right to define who they count as “family.”

Thanks to President Obama, the Code of Federal Regulations 42 CFR 482.13(h) and 42 CFR 485(f) requires that all hospitals in the U.S.:

(1) inform each patient of his or her right to receive visitors whom he or she designates, including a domestic partner, (2) do not restrict or limit visitation rights based on sexual orientation and gender identity, among other factors and (3) ensure that all visitors have full and equal visitation rights, consistent with a patient’s wishes. (– Human Rights Campaign)

Whoo hoo! Great news for singles, right? We certainly think so — but you wouldn’t know it if you relied on the media to explain. According to most reports I read, the major stakeholders are lesbian and gay couples. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but … ummm … what about lesbian and gay singles? Or … ahem … what about all singles (asexual, heterosexual, polyamorous, widowed, divorced, whatever).

Singlist media strikes again! Because it completely ignores the remarkably equalizing ramifications – for all Americans – of this new law, it upholds the couple-centric, heteronormative bias that all LGBTQS folk are trying to overcome. So you can see what I mean, let’s examine the following report posted on ABC’s news site shortly after the regulations came into effect: (more…)

@Onelydotorg’s Gone Twitter! December 17, 2010

Posted by Onely in Great Onely Activities, single and happy, We like. . ..
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If you’ve visited Onely anytime over the last day or two, you may have noticed the Twitter feed that’s now over on the right side-bar.

That’s right, we’ve been Twitterfied. Or Tweepled. Or, well, I don’t know what those young’uns call it — I just know that I finally got around to figuring out how the whole Twitter thing works after, oh, about a YEAR since Christina first suggested I look into setting us up with an account. (Welcome to the 21st century, right?)

I was none too sure I would like it, but now that I’ve tested the waters, I am thrilled at how easy it is to link to other people’s blog posts and provocative Web pages through a quick Tweet or ReTweet.

So, if you’re already on Twitter, please follow us — @Onelydotorg. We’ll follow you right back!

If you’re not already on Twitter, feel free to follow the links that appear over at the top of the right sidebar (they’ll update automatically).

And if you want to contribute to our feed, feel free to send us an email with links, questions, or anything else that you think our Twitter followers will appreciate: Our email address is onely [at] onely [dot] org, and your subject heading should read TWITTER.

Onward and Upward, with new (tweeting) technologies!

— Lisa (and Christina)

Happy Turkey Day! (Or, to our international readers: Happy November 25th!) November 25, 2010

Posted by Onely in Great Onely Activities, We like. . ..
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Caveats about the political incorrectness of the holiday aside, Christina and I compiled the following list of things we are grateful for as single people this Thanksgiving:

1. Private time to eat all the pumpkin bread we want, unjudged.

2. Shared time with friends or family, or friends who’ve become our family.

3. The change in public attitude about marriage (and single people): ever-so-slowly-but-perceptibly for the better.

4. The U.S. Census Bureau, for announcing that over 50 percent of households are now headed by unmarried people.

5. Our pets, for thinking we’re gods.

6. Plumbing, and having the right to use it however we like (well, usually).

7. You, our Copious Readers, for supporting us and contributing your voices to what has become a true online community for singles’ advocacy.

Ever-Attentive and Copious Readers, what are you grateful for this Thanksgiving?

— Lisa (and Christina)

photo credit: flicker

Film Review: Seeking Happily Ever After November 9, 2010

Posted by Onely in film review, Singles Resource, We like. . ..
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Seeking Happily Ever After: One Generation’s Struggle to Redefine the Fairy Tale.  Directed and Produced by Michelle Cove; Produced by Kerry David. 2010.

“I keep seeing parts of the movie in my head,” said my friend Monica at dinner, after we saw Seeking Happily Ever After at its DC screening. This is usually the sign of either a very inspiring movie, or a very disturbing one. Seeking Happily Ever After deftly manages to be both.  I hope our Copious Readers get a chance to check it out. If you don’t live near a screening, maybe you can arrange one in your area.

For the award-winning documentary, director Michelle Cove and producer Kerry David didn’t so much “interview” various single women (mostly heterosexual, but including at least two lesbians) as she let them talk–if and why they like their single lives, what “happily ever after” means to them, what their pasts were like and what their hopes are now.  My favorite was the thirty-something woman who said she could imagine herself being perfectly happy as an older single woman with white hair down to her butt, turquoise jewelery, and a bunch of cats milling around at her feet as she sipped a martini with girlfriends (I may be combining one or more interviews, but you get the idea).  The film is full of such gems.

But, like life, it’s also full of nails-on-chalkboard moments of awkwardness and horror. Cove and David don’t whitewash the world of single women. (more…)

Great Onelers: SEARS HOME IMPROVEMENT October 1, 2010

Posted by Onely in We like. . ..
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Kudos to Sears Home Improvement. When Jennifer called me to schedule my free estimate, she asked, “Is there anyone else who would benefit from the estimate for this new roof? Anyone who lives with you?” I believe that legally or ethically all contractors have to consider this factor when scheduling a visit for an estimate.   Sears’ wording was in refreshing contrast to other contractors, who speak to me about an appointment and then ask, “Will your husband be available too?” or some variation.  Which is sexist and singlist and heteronormative.

I answered nice, nonheteronormative Jennifer, “No, just my cats,” and she laughed, so now I think Sears has a fabulous sense of humor.  Copious Readers, what other companies would you recommend for being singles-savvy and also appreciative of dorky humor?


P.S. Onely’s staff has not been posting as often lately because we’ve been very busy (ok, full disclosure: Lisa has been busy with her dissertation, and Christina has been consulting her cats about roofing options). But we have a slew of posts backing up in our Drafts folder, so stay tuned for the onslaught once we hit “publish” on all of those.

Photo credit: Dawniecakes

The Most Onely Video Ever August 12, 2010

Posted by Onely in film review, Reviews, We like. . ..
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Performance poet Tanya Davis is Christina’s new favorite Lyrical Person, bumping from the top slot the folks who came up with “country as a turnip green” (sorry, Richochet).  Davis’ astounding poem “How to Be Alone” was made into a video by also-awesome filmmaker Andrea Dorfman in 2009, but Onely only just learned about it.  Thanks to our Copious Reader Oriole-2 for flagging it! She didn’t mince words when she described the film as “beautiful, true, affirming, encouraging and real. . . grounded, calm, inspiring, and hope-giving.” Onely agrees with her on all counts — you should definitely check it out for yourself:

Oriole-2 also noted that the film does a good job of avoiding any trace of defensiveness. We think this is an important point. Even though we don’t (usually) write about singles/aloneness/oneliness issues out of defensiveness, readers sometimes misinterpret our message as a defensive one — and it’s difficult to find a pro-Onely position so clearly articulated as Davis’s, where there’s little room for anyone to misinterpret her life-affirming message as anything but. (Or so we thought, until we perused the reader comments in response to this Salon.com post about the video… hmph!)

Copious Readers, what do you think?

–Christina and Lisa

Onely on Change.org: Single? Rent a Date! February 26, 2010

Posted by Onely in As If!, blog reviews, Everyday Happenings, Reviews, We like. . ..
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This is a lazy woman’s post! Here is a link to my Change.org post about Chinese singles paying people to pose as their significant others. At first glance, it’s a bad idea. It concedes and caters to the maladjusted majority opinion that people need to pair up. (Apparently I have alliteration disease tonight.)  At second glance—haven’t you ever wanted to have a boyfriend or girlfriend for one particular event, like that time you were going to the Oscars and didn’t feel like walking down the red carpet alone under the scrutiny of all those pairing-obsessed paparazzi?

Or if date-renting singles aren’t your bag, you can go to the Take Action page on Change.org and find all sorts of petitions and letters you can add your name to. If anyone has an idea for a singles’-rights-themed petition, please let me know. Or go and create your own!

Lisa and I are sort of bumming because we’ve put a couple interesting links up on our Facebook pages, including the NYT article about how there are fewer men available to college women and a Change.org petition against American Apparel’s “best bottoms” contest, and no one really comments on them (except for my friend Nicole, yay Nicole!).  But if someone changes their “status” to “in a relationship” then OMG EVERYONE COMMENTS RIGHT AWAY HOW EXCITING CONGRATULATIONS!


Photo: AMagill

The Anti-Valentine: Death Bear to the Rescue! February 14, 2010

Posted by Onely in Food for Thought, single and happy, We like. . ., Your Responses Requested!.
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One issue that we rarely discuss here on Onely is the fact that, no matter how single-and-happy we are today, there was probably once a time when we were coupled. And then there was that time when we broke up.

And no matter how self-confident and happy you are, in or outside of a relationship, breakups inevitably suck.

But for many of us (myself included), it’s breakups that lead us Onelers to draw in our first (or second, or third) breaths of the fresh air of being single — and happy!

But moving from coupled-to-single status inevitably means experiencing pain and loss, and to ignore or deny that fact would be naive at best, and inhumane at worst. Enter Death Bear, who was recently featured on MSNBC. His real name is Nate Hill, and he’s a performance artist in Brooklyn who created Death Bear to collect and carry away people’s memories of the past, which manifest themselves as physical objects and elicit pain and loss in unexpected and sometimes debilitating ways. In his words:

Death Bear will take things from you that trigger painful memories and stow them away in his cave where they will remain forever allowing you to move on with your life.

In my mind, not only does Death Bear’s costume ROCK (Christina thinks he’s hot!), he is doing incredibly important, honest, pro-Onely work. He’s helping people confront the past while enabling them to move forward with their hopefully happy-and-single lives.

There are three breakups in my past that projected me meaningfully toward my current single-and-happy state: (more…)

Onely (err, Christina) Saves the World! February 2, 2010

Posted by Onely in single and happy, We like. . ..
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So Christina is apparently too shy to post about her most recent writing endeavor — she’s been recruited by Change.org to blog regularly on women’s and single’s issues.

Check out her first post — stat!

(Oh, and in case you’re concerned, she’s not leaving Onely — just broadening her horizons! Go Christina Go!)

— Lisa

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